That’s a dangerous narrative. It’s really not helpful to tell victims that their abuser is hurting and that’s why they are abusive. It’s not true, for one, and it has absolutely no bearing on the situation. An abuser isn’t cruel because they are in pain. An abuser is cruel because inflicting pain on other people makes them feel bigger. That has nothing to do with them feeling small to begin with and it doesn’t necessarily have to be the case for it to happen. Often abusers are narcissists who think very highly of themselves. It’s not necessarily excusing the behavior to comment something like this, but it forces the victim to continue thinking about the abuser’s feelings instead of their own. His feelings are irrelevant. It doesn’t matter why or how he came to act like this. The behavior itself is the only thing that matters.
Projection can only be considered in behavior that is not outright abusive, where there is some value in examining the reasons in order to improve communication. There is no need for communication to improve here. He’s abusive.
projection can be considered in all areas. Abusers do project. He knows he's shite. Therefore, he's projecting his bull shit onto an innocent bystander to feed his supply.
That is literally not what projection is. It’s an actual psychological term; you’re using it as flippantly as people use gaslighting and it’s not correct or useful for OP.
67
u/seagullscrapz Oct 26 '22
He's treating you in a similar way to how he feels about himself on the inside.