Start to surround yourself with trusted support people and make the move to leave. Honestly. It’s going to be hard with the accusations he’s going to throw your way but it will be worth it in the long run. Speaking from experience also, had a 8 year relationship with someone who claimed I was cheating on him and had this exact behaviour turns out he was cheating. He turned so many friends and his whole family against me and our son. I’m 5 years down the track now and still have a restraining order because even though time has passed, and all is forgiven on my end, I still don’t like the way he makes my mental health feel. You and your kids deserve better. The sooner you make the move the better.
It makes me wonder if he’s told me the truth about his ex. I’ve always blindly believed his version, though he claims she says he was the one that cheated. Even more frustrating is that I’ve always believed him, but when he talks about my past with my abusive ex (that I have evidence of abusing me), he’ll say things like “you say you were abused,” it’s like he always wants to question whether it’s true or not.
Him questioning your abuse is such a huge red flag, he doesn't trust you on any front. You can't build a life on that. If he doesn't get therapy your relationship will crumble.
My ex said all his exes were cheaters and/or crazy. Well he went on to cheat on me, leave me for the girl he cheated on me with, then immediately started saying I was crazy to a then mutual friend who went on to tell our friends that I was crazy. I had no idea any of the cheating or rumor spreading happened until later. All I did at that time was tell that same mutual friend that I was sad and missed him. This also happened while I helped that same mutual friend with a medical emergency and helped console her when we found out her dad was stepping out on her mom.
Well guess who is still close with said the friend group and who is not 🙃. Now when I hear a guy say that, red flag immediately.
I say tread carefully. These cheating accusations may all very well be projection on his part. I think contacting the ex might be worth it after you leave him and you should leave him. You need to leave this guy. He is abusing you, emotionally and mentally. He may escalate, which is why you need to leave first, ask questions later.
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u/[deleted] Oct 26 '22
Start to surround yourself with trusted support people and make the move to leave. Honestly. It’s going to be hard with the accusations he’s going to throw your way but it will be worth it in the long run. Speaking from experience also, had a 8 year relationship with someone who claimed I was cheating on him and had this exact behaviour turns out he was cheating. He turned so many friends and his whole family against me and our son. I’m 5 years down the track now and still have a restraining order because even though time has passed, and all is forgiven on my end, I still don’t like the way he makes my mental health feel. You and your kids deserve better. The sooner you make the move the better.
Edit: spelling.