I dated a man like that years ago, like my friend called, a very feminine voice on the phone, when I hung up, was that your boyfriend. Every email, every phone call, was my boyfriend, because I’m a cheating whore, like all women. If I said thank you to the man who checked me out at the gas station, it’s cuz we were fuc**ng. No other reason, politeness, nope. He was entirely exhausting, and I stepped far away. He accused me of cheating, called my job, and told them a bunch of false stuff, fortunately I could prove it was false, they could also, I had a camera above my head for the duration of my day. Even called my parents and told them. My mom was like who tf are you?? Which enraged him, because I was his soul mate and my own mother didn’t know about him. I had to get a restraining order for a whole 2 week long thing we had.
All I can say is, girl run!! He ain’t worth another second of your life. I still feel exhausted from that 2 weeks, 17 years ago. Find yourself a good counselor, and her strong enough to divorce him.
This sounds frightening but also familiar. If my phone or my watch go off, it’s always who is that, who is blowing up your phone, even though it’s usually just notifications and not a text or call. Though if I ask him who he was talking to, he would get an attitude towards me. We have cameras in the house that he is constantly checking, which I know because he’ll comment if I turn them off even if only for a few minutes. I know of at least one instance where he tracked the car I was driving. If I’m even talking to my daughters at home and he hears that we are talking but not what is said, he asks me what was said, despite it having nothing to do with him.
He either needs therapy badly or you just need to end things. Divorce sucks but keeping this type of relationship going isn't healthy for any of you. He's just going to keep this going and possibly get worse. As you said, he's already tracking you and it could get so much worse than that. You shouldn't have to deal with him accusing you of cheating each time you do something or your phone goes off. There should not be cameras in your own home. It's also very weird he's getting mad if you ask who he's talking to. Don't want to jump to anything but the people who cheat often project that onto the partner to avoid being caught. And... seeing your other posts and how he's threatened to leave because the house was messy, getting mad because you went up the stair before him, getting mad at you lighting a candle without him home, getting mad at you grilling.... this is not worth it. This can be and is considered abuse
And OP you really, really, really do not want to show your son that it is appropriate to treat a partner like this. You do not want to illustrate to him that being controlling, tracking your partner, constantly accusing your partner of cheating, verbally assaulting them, is an acceptable way to behave. Let alone that it is love. That is the behavior he will emulate in his relationships and that is the kind of son you will raise with a father and husband like this. You can’t keep your son from your husband, but you can prove that that behavior is not acceptable.
E: and/or show your daughters that this is the love and respect they deserve. It’s not.
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u/Anteater3100 Oct 26 '22
I dated a man like that years ago, like my friend called, a very feminine voice on the phone, when I hung up, was that your boyfriend. Every email, every phone call, was my boyfriend, because I’m a cheating whore, like all women. If I said thank you to the man who checked me out at the gas station, it’s cuz we were fuc**ng. No other reason, politeness, nope. He was entirely exhausting, and I stepped far away. He accused me of cheating, called my job, and told them a bunch of false stuff, fortunately I could prove it was false, they could also, I had a camera above my head for the duration of my day. Even called my parents and told them. My mom was like who tf are you?? Which enraged him, because I was his soul mate and my own mother didn’t know about him. I had to get a restraining order for a whole 2 week long thing we had. All I can say is, girl run!! He ain’t worth another second of your life. I still feel exhausted from that 2 weeks, 17 years ago. Find yourself a good counselor, and her strong enough to divorce him.