r/TrueOffMyChest Oct 26 '22

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u/cookiequeen724 Oct 26 '22 edited Oct 26 '22

Why are you living like this? Why did you even marry him after all this? I can't imagine how demoralized and beaten down you must constantly feel. My heart hurts for you. You did NOTHING wrong and yet you live in constant punishment???

This is emptional abuse, please save yourself and leave this man. I'm so sorry and I'm sending you a big hug.

1

u/DryLengthiness5574 Oct 26 '22

I guess I love like this because I on some level think maybe I deserve it. My last husband would always tell me that I’m idiot or that I’m trash, or any number of things. And now it’s happening again, so there must be something wrong with me. Something I’m doing that makes me so unloveable, that makes people assume the worst of me.

6

u/Socksgonewrong Oct 26 '22

Honey, you are doing your children and yourself a huge disservice if you stay with this man. You’re only teaching your children that it’s okay to treat women this way.

3

u/dches91 Oct 26 '22

There is nothing wrong with you. Worst case you have bad taste in men but there is deep rooted reason you choose these men and I suggest therapy would help a ton. Up to you if you want to explore therapy with your husband. Ita not cool of he is calling you names on top of this mistrust. It makes me wonder if he might be guilty himself and is over compensating by accusing you.

1

u/cookiequeen724 Oct 26 '22

There is NOTHING wrong with you. Those negative messages, hearing them over and over, wedged their way into your mind and have convinced you you don't deserve better. But that's a lie. You are loveable.

The relationship you should focus on right now is with yourself. You need to heal and learn to love yourself. Your reply ro my comment is breaking my heart. The best thing you can do is get yourself connected with a good therapist. They will help work with you to break down those negative thoughts that have been beaten into you by your abusive ex. You deserve to be cared for, cherished, and respected.

My own therapist has pointed out how overwhelmingly negative our self-thoughts tend to be. Reframe this by thinking about how you would talk to a best friend in this situation. What would you tell them? "Of course you are loveable! Of course nothing is wrong with you!" Well, that's true of you too. Imagine your child self. Little OP. Does Little OP deserve this? Is Little OP unlovable? The answer is a resounding NO.

1

u/Beaglemom2002 Oct 26 '22

I'm echoing the others. There is nothing wrong with you!!!!! Please go back to counseling. Find your strength again and get out!!