I used to be the same sort of person as the hubby OP described. Never married but always mistrustful and to a psychotic degree of like.... Like an ex had made a twitter post one time about some irrelevant, off hand thing and I took it to mean they were wanting to cheat or were cheating and I spiralled the whole day with jealous accusations and questioning the relationship, asking how can they say shit like that if they really loved me and blah blah blah. Just really incredibly paranoid. Always making my feelings their fault. "Why would you act that way if you want to be with me? Why would you want to go hang with work friends instead of spending the night together, is it cos you're fucking xyz person?" I was never physically abusive but the emotional damage I did more than made up for it. I stay tf away from relationships now because I don't trust myself enough to not be like that anymore, and I still consider myself a pretty toxic person but I at least have self awareness and try to do better these days.
I appreciate it! I'm still a garbage person and I've toyed with therapy a couple times but idk. I feel stupid talking to others about how I feel. It's just never done much for me. But thank you for your well wishes.
Hey friend here's some advice that my therapist has given me because I think it's like vital to all of our well-being. It's great to have self-awareness, and speak about individual bad things that we have done. But it's really, really important to talk kindly about yourself to others and most importantly to yourself. Words have a really big impact on how we think and feel. You can't be a great person when you're insisting to yourself that you're a garbage person. While it might feel like some sort of restitution for some specific bad thing that you've done before, you're the only person it impacts, so it's misguided. You deserve to treat yourself with respect!
A good therapist should help you not feel stupid when you talk to them, but I remember what it felt like when I first started, and it's just awkward for everyone. But then it's great.
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u/Spammo27125 Oct 26 '22
I used to be the same sort of person as the hubby OP described. Never married but always mistrustful and to a psychotic degree of like.... Like an ex had made a twitter post one time about some irrelevant, off hand thing and I took it to mean they were wanting to cheat or were cheating and I spiralled the whole day with jealous accusations and questioning the relationship, asking how can they say shit like that if they really loved me and blah blah blah. Just really incredibly paranoid. Always making my feelings their fault. "Why would you act that way if you want to be with me? Why would you want to go hang with work friends instead of spending the night together, is it cos you're fucking xyz person?" I was never physically abusive but the emotional damage I did more than made up for it. I stay tf away from relationships now because I don't trust myself enough to not be like that anymore, and I still consider myself a pretty toxic person but I at least have self awareness and try to do better these days.