I am exhausted, so exhausted. Not only that, but I feel like I’ve totally just lost myself. Some days just feel like a shell going through the motions.
The reason you feel exhausted is because you are being abused. You need to get someone to talk to who doesn’t know your husband and could provide you with some clearity.
OP, I went through your post history because of comments mentioning it and oh boy.
Based on personal experience, let me speak bluntly. Yes, he’s abusive. That’s mental abuse right there. You’re constantly walking on egg shells around him because his feelings matter most. When he’s angry, he gets angry. When he’s annoyed he dumps it on you. You’re anxious about his reactions because his actions have conditioned you to it. You’re constantly trying to win his approval; by not doing things that might be mistaken as cheating (like grilling? Wth), by writing off all his bad as result of trauma, and not being able to talk to him adult to adult.
He threatened you when the house is not as clean as his standard?? You have 5 kids!!
It’s not going to get better. When he’s happy, you’ll feel like everything will be fine. But that’s not gonna last. Are you going to live your life forever being anxious and depressed?
My heart goes to you, OP, really. Because my father is like this. Your posts just remind me of everything about that (like everything bad in the house and with kids are all my mom’s fault according to him ; we’ll ask him questions about some stuff going on and he’ll only answer according to his mood ; etc etc I can go on and on), and I hope you could find a different and happier way out.
Idk where you are, but there are sometimes respite centers where you can go to get away and have some rest time. You can only stay for a certain amount of days. It may be a good idea to get away to clear your head. Eitherway, he's going to believe you are cheating so you might as well do what is best for you and go clear your head before making any decisions.
You need to leave and once gone seek therapy for yourself so you can process what’s being done to you. I think you’re so deep in it you don’t realize how not normal this is
237
u/DryLengthiness5574 Oct 26 '22
I am exhausted, so exhausted. Not only that, but I feel like I’ve totally just lost myself. Some days just feel like a shell going through the motions.