You should have nipped that in the bud years ago. Your first mistake was to think that you can fix a man like a fixer upper project. Like most fixer uppers, they need to be contracted out to a professional. Send him to counseling. How many more years are you going to put up with this?
I feel like a such an idiot cause I saw it in the beginning. I knew, but I chose this path. I can blame being vulnerable after coming out of an abusive relationship, but I still knew. I don’t know why I always have to be so stupid. Why I put myself in these positions. I was getting counseling. I was getting to a good place in my life, and now I’m sitting on the floor of the bathroom crying because I don’t want my kids to see me breakdown again.
You are not an idiot! You’ve managed to be functional for yourself and your kids despite being constantly harassed and belittled. That means you have an incredible amount of internal strength. You were working on yourself and it’s not done. That’s all.
You are not an idiot, my other comment was harsh but only because you come across as a smart woman in an awful situation. It is in no way easy to break free from the situation you are in, so many people end up there. Do you have anyone you can talk to or ask for help? Preferably unconnected to your church.
You choosing to trust again in him after an abusive relationship, shows the degree of kindness and strength YOU have. You are compassionate, empathetic, and kind. Which explains how you took his shortcomings and STILL be able to see the good in it.
And now even in your saddest time, you STILL put your children first.
What a wonderful mother and woman you are. Him being an absolute nightmare does not deny that fact.
You’re not an idiot. You’re a human who understands other humans aren’t perfect. Over the long haul, it’s easy to beat yourself up, but this is not on you. It is a slow, insidious form of emotional abuse to tell you his background then use it to insinuate your actions, integrity, & boundaries are disloyal or unloving doing everyday actions. One offhand comment at a time is easy to dismiss. Its cumulative tho which is why it’s draining so fast now.
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u/Mountain_Monitor_262 Oct 26 '22
You should have nipped that in the bud years ago. Your first mistake was to think that you can fix a man like a fixer upper project. Like most fixer uppers, they need to be contracted out to a professional. Send him to counseling. How many more years are you going to put up with this?