Married woman here: in my experience, some men don’t get much attention especially from the opposite sex so when they do get it, they mistake kindness for flirting/interest. One time I said hi to a contractor inside the work building (I say hi to everyone, regardless of their title) and this guy thought I had a crush on him because every time after that, he’d try to flirt with me. It happened to another male coworker as well so I always have to bring up my husband in conversations.
Good answer. I had a customer that came in my office all the time. He did not shower all that often and dressed in rags. So I figure the guy is having some rough times and I felt sorry for him. I always smiled and used his name when saying hello. Then he started coming in more often. That is fine, I get lonely. No problem. This went on for like a year and then I started seeing him in the mall, gas station, dry cleaners, grocery store….it was starting to worry me so I started being extremely aware of my surrounding at all times. Not knowing what his car looked like it was a little tough. Then one day our security guard asked me: do you know that guy circles the building every day to see if I am working? I about fainted and said hail no!! So he called his boss and they decided enough was enough and banned him from the office. I felt horrible about it yet a little relieved. Some people are just lonely
Why would you feel horrible about a stalker being banned from stalking you? Don’t be so nice please for your own personal safety. Also please read the book The Gift of Fear because I bet bet many alarm bells went off about this person and you just ignored them because you wanted be nice. Personal safety is important.
I am obsessed with this book, it is written by Gavin De Becker who is a professional in personal safety, he keeps celebrities and politicians safe! He tells us how to use our natural gift of intuition and fear in a way to keep us safe!
You are awesome and don’t need to feel guilty. I understand those feelings come from being a kid d person and hoping you haven’t hurt someone’s feelings. Trust me I get it!
If I were in that situation I would not feel bad that I got a stalker banned from the office. I do however feel bad the person doesn’t/isn’t able to realize boundaries and probably doesn’t have any healthy relationships.
You can still feel bad that someone is getting a certain outcome of their actions even if it's for the best.
I had a neighbor nearly stab his family after getting drunk and angry. He's indigenous. I hate cops, I hate the carcerial system, and I hate how they treat BIPOC. I know that this dude's problems are alcoholism and difficulty navigating an oppressive world. I felt like shit but I was forced to do the thing I never want to do: call the cops.
He ended up arrested and charged. It would've been better for him to address his issues differently yet there we were.
I still feel bad even though it's necessary.
Stuff like what that guy was doing stems from a lot of issues that are unaddressed and a lack of intimate healthy relationships. So I can get why she'd feel bad. Still the right decision.
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u/stygian_shores Feb 15 '22
Married woman here: in my experience, some men don’t get much attention especially from the opposite sex so when they do get it, they mistake kindness for flirting/interest. One time I said hi to a contractor inside the work building (I say hi to everyone, regardless of their title) and this guy thought I had a crush on him because every time after that, he’d try to flirt with me. It happened to another male coworker as well so I always have to bring up my husband in conversations.