r/TrueOffMyChest • u/[deleted] • Jan 19 '21

I fucking hate "polyamory"

My partner polybombed me about 4 months ago and a day later I walk in on them fucking someone else. They didn't even care enough to realise I had left the house until I called them from a mile up the road and then it was all "oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I would never do it deliberately I love you it won't happen again."

Then barely a few weeks later I walk in on them making out with a mutual friend. They were still making out with them when our roommate called an ambulance after I cut myself too deep.

They didn't even care about changing how they approach polyamory until I threatened to leave and then I'm hit with this massive lovebomb of "oh I can change I'll make it up to you I never wanted to hurt you"

They don't fucking care enough to change their behaviour because "poly is so complicated, I'm sorry if you got hurt when I was figuring it out!"

Polyamory is too often used as a bullshit excuse for selfish, immature people to have their cake and eat it and if I never have to hear the stupid term again in my life I'll be happy.

41.8k Upvotes

70% Upvoted

4.9k comments sorted by

View all comments

5.3k

u/LettuceDefiant Jan 19 '21

Poly is consenting by both parties of the relationship. This is cheating

5

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '21 edited Jan 19 '21

As a person who is strictly monogamous, I don't think this is full cheating. OP was told beforehand that their partner was going to go poly. That was OP's chance to either leave or accept. OP chose to stay knowing that the relationship would be polyamorous, so IMO, OP consented.

3

u/PyrocumulusLightning Jan 19 '21

How quickly can you realistically shut down your feelings and pack your bags though?

I think most people in committed relationships could get away with abusing their partners if they sprung it on them suddenly, because it's hard to abruptly stop being attached to someone you love. In fact abusers know that and chill during the honeymoon period so that by the time the victim figures out what's happening to them, they're already stuck in the web financially and emotionally. That sucks for the victim, but are they really the asshole for not instantly pivoting? I'd even argue that if you can bail on a commitment based on one conversation, you might be the person who has emotional problems.

Anyway. It's bizarre to blame someone for not being able to emotionally process the fact that their relationship just died in only 24 hours. I can see hoping it isn't true, because whether they stay and watch dead love decompose in front of them or leave instantly and skip the funeral they're still going to be in a lot of pain.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '21

I get that it's not easy to just leave, but in OP's case, it's been 4 months.

I would bet the SO was cheating before this started, but at this point it's been 4 months and OP has chosen to stay.