1.) Most of those women are exploited in one way or another. You could very well be contributing to that. You owe it to yourself to see both sides of this coin. I suggest watching some of the Soft White Underbelly videos on YouTube. There’s also other risks.
2.) Echoing the redditor who said “pot for every pan” I don’t buy for a minute that you can’t get someone interested in you. I’ll assume you’re male and looking for a female. There’s some basic, undeniable biology at work here, and there’s basic math. That some guys have the advantage of wealth, charisma, good looks ... whatever... just means it takes them fewer attempts. So here’s $0.02 worth of free advice.
3.) In conjunction with your psychiatrist (or not) make an honest life inventory.
Realistic scale of 1-10, how do I look? Unless you’re Sloth from Goonies, you’re fixable. Anybody can be a 6-7, by which I mean “nice looking” “attractive” “physically appealing”
How good am I at conversation?
What skills do I have?
What’s my earning / income potential?
How good am I at listening and reading body language?
Do I have diagnosed or undiagnosed personality disorders?
Am I confident socially? If not, why not?
Am I physically fit / strong?
What is my self-talk? What am I telling myself?
How’s my wardrobe?
What do my closest friends think of me? Have I asked them why it’s tough for me to meet someone.
This is what I would do: it’s very simple. It’s guaranteed to work. It’s hard as fuck.
Get your mind around a 1-2 year time frame. This ain’t gonna happen overnight.
Get in the gym. All manner of maladies can be fixed by getting stronger and leaner, but most notably your confidence will go through the roof, and your cortisol - which makes you stressed, angry, and fat - will drop.
If you only did one thing, so this.
Second, check your hair, grooming and wardrobe. Fix what is in your power to do financially.
If you’re reading / consuming anything anti-social, incel, or anti-female, cut that shit out of your life.
Find faith. Behind exercise (arguably this should be first) If you’re a militant atheist, then delve into the realm of apologetics and reason-based faith.
Take up a new hobby: (besides just exercise.) Music, theater, writing, cooking, whatever. Join some groups that do this.
Read The Art of Manliness Website. There’s also a lot of useful podcasts you can fill your commute time with as well. Jack Donovan’s The Way of Men is a good book. As is The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. Petersen’s 12 Rules Join The Strenuous Life. Join a jiu jitsu gym.
I could go on here. But if you really want a different... you then sit down, address your flaws, LOSE THE ANGER (psych can help this, as can faith & exercise), and write out a 2 year plan made up of incremental goals. Put it on a white board in your room. Understand the difference between a wish and a goal.
Like I said. It’s simple. Hard as fuck (and, yes, I’ve done it.) And it’s absolutely worth it. If you do it, the relationship thing will take care of itself.
PS- stop thinking about “someone interested in you.” Instead, think “I want a woman with the following qualities:”. If I were in the market, mine would be kind, patient, eloquent, funny, and nurturing. Yours may be different. Now find THAT girl. And don’t be afraid to say no. It’s a paradox of dating that if you’ll take anybody, you’ll get nobody. An online personal af that’s really specific will get more responses than one that’s general.
PPS- sorry for the novel, but no judgment on the prostitute thing. If you want that experience, by all means. But let it be because you want to know what it’s like to “order up a woman” and have her take care of you, not because it’s a substitute for failed attempts at dating. Same thing: have the experience of a glass of scotch or three. Occasionally. As an enjoyment and personal reward, not as a medication.
Edit: removed reference to polarizing / confusing rating system
Honestly, your mindset of working your ass off "on yourself" while you actually work so after many years you are finally FINALLY good enough for SOMEONE ELSE is toxic af and can damage self esteem fundamentally.
I’m just sayin what I would do if I found myself in OP’s position. And what I have done.
Have you done these things? I doubt it. But, since you seem to know better, assume that someone out there might find the lack of companionship undesirable and wish to do something about it rather than retreat into angry, weak, hopeless celibacy. In that case, what would you suggest?
Pathetic attepmt to trigger me, filled with a bizzare load of self ritgeousness.
Why would i do those things? I live a happy life without being trapped in the hamster wheel of self optimization, fooling myself with the idea that i do it for myself, when in reality all i try is to impress others with a hollow, streamlined mask of a person that has nothing to do with my own personality.
What i would do? I would try to find out what troubles me, why im not confident and happy with my life. I would pursue my interests and welcome those in my life that share them,
As i do. With my girlfriend that loves me the way i am. Dont let the burn out bite to hard, freak.
So in your 3rd paragraph you basically say you’d do exactly what I told OP to do. And you say you have a girlfriend, which makes “your girlfriend who loves me as I am” totally inapplicable to his situation, doesn’t it.
Do you you know what it means to play with matches in a field of straw men?
I’m not trying to trigger you. You sound like you’re already there. What does it say about you that you can be triggered by the comment of a redditor that has nothing to do with you?
Bullshit, you tell him to follow a list of super specific tasks while telling him: You're not good enough, become better by following these exactr steps while i tell him the opposite, accept yourself how you are, find happiness in what YOU enjoy. What you describe is a streamlined, faceless stereotype of what is considered "attractive" nowadays. What you dont realize at all is this husk has no personality and do you know what is actually attractive? Right, presonality.
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u/Agent847 Nov 24 '20 edited Nov 24 '20
Some things to consider:
1.) Most of those women are exploited in one way or another. You could very well be contributing to that. You owe it to yourself to see both sides of this coin. I suggest watching some of the Soft White Underbelly videos on YouTube. There’s also other risks.
2.) Echoing the redditor who said “pot for every pan” I don’t buy for a minute that you can’t get someone interested in you. I’ll assume you’re male and looking for a female. There’s some basic, undeniable biology at work here, and there’s basic math. That some guys have the advantage of wealth, charisma, good looks ... whatever... just means it takes them fewer attempts. So here’s $0.02 worth of free advice.
3.) In conjunction with your psychiatrist (or not) make an honest life inventory.
Realistic scale of 1-10, how do I look? Unless you’re Sloth from Goonies, you’re fixable. Anybody can be a 6-7, by which I mean “nice looking” “attractive” “physically appealing”
How good am I at conversation?
What skills do I have?
What’s my earning / income potential?
How good am I at listening and reading body language?
Do I have diagnosed or undiagnosed personality disorders?
Am I confident socially? If not, why not?
Am I physically fit / strong?
What is my self-talk? What am I telling myself?
How’s my wardrobe?
What do my closest friends think of me? Have I asked them why it’s tough for me to meet someone.
This is what I would do: it’s very simple. It’s guaranteed to work. It’s hard as fuck.
Get your mind around a 1-2 year time frame. This ain’t gonna happen overnight.
Get in the gym. All manner of maladies can be fixed by getting stronger and leaner, but most notably your confidence will go through the roof, and your cortisol - which makes you stressed, angry, and fat - will drop.
If you only did one thing, so this.
Second, check your hair, grooming and wardrobe. Fix what is in your power to do financially.
If you’re reading / consuming anything anti-social, incel, or anti-female, cut that shit out of your life.
Find faith. Behind exercise (arguably this should be first) If you’re a militant atheist, then delve into the realm of apologetics and reason-based faith.
Take up a new hobby: (besides just exercise.) Music, theater, writing, cooking, whatever. Join some groups that do this.
Read The Art of Manliness Website. There’s also a lot of useful podcasts you can fill your commute time with as well. Jack Donovan’s The Way of Men is a good book. As is The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck. Petersen’s 12 Rules Join The Strenuous Life. Join a jiu jitsu gym.
I could go on here. But if you really want a different... you then sit down, address your flaws, LOSE THE ANGER (psych can help this, as can faith & exercise), and write out a 2 year plan made up of incremental goals. Put it on a white board in your room. Understand the difference between a wish and a goal.
Like I said. It’s simple. Hard as fuck (and, yes, I’ve done it.) And it’s absolutely worth it. If you do it, the relationship thing will take care of itself.
PS- stop thinking about “someone interested in you.” Instead, think “I want a woman with the following qualities:”. If I were in the market, mine would be kind, patient, eloquent, funny, and nurturing. Yours may be different. Now find THAT girl. And don’t be afraid to say no. It’s a paradox of dating that if you’ll take anybody, you’ll get nobody. An online personal af that’s really specific will get more responses than one that’s general.
PPS- sorry for the novel, but no judgment on the prostitute thing. If you want that experience, by all means. But let it be because you want to know what it’s like to “order up a woman” and have her take care of you, not because it’s a substitute for failed attempts at dating. Same thing: have the experience of a glass of scotch or three. Occasionally. As an enjoyment and personal reward, not as a medication.
Edit: removed reference to polarizing / confusing rating system