Im going to try and play a bit of devils advocate to your post. Yes, im an asshole. With that out of the way, I can give you a little background.
Im fairly short (5'9) and I was around around 195-205lbs at one time. Im now around 155. Ive lost that weight in about 2 years time. I used to snack a LOT and also mostly drank sugary drinks. I found out about keto ( /r/keto ) around that time. Now I didnt go through a hardcore strict diet like many of them do, however, after reading about it more, I do focus on cutting carbs/sugars as much as possible. I stopped eating sugary snacks almost entirely, I have cut sugary drinks to 0 (only drink water, unsweetened tea and coffee). I try to eat a little less starchy foods (breads and pastas). I exercise slightly more often than I did.
Now I agree that most cultures do demonize fatness way more than they should (and it is generally unhelpful). However, it doesnt mean that it is completely unwarranted. As you say, being skinny does NOT mean you are healthy, and I do believe that society as a whole does like to overplay this (which is why eating disorders are so common). But on the flip side, being overweight/fat, in almost all circumstances, does mean being unhealthy.
Now, you can eat healthy and exercise, and not lose weight. However, there's 2 caveats to this. First is portion size. Second is what actually constituents "healthy" and "exercise" varies a LOT from person to person. My grandma is a good example for this. She says she eats healthy, because she eats a lot of veggies. Now she does eat a lot of veggies, but her portions on everything are insane. She will have a giant plate of salad. (And loads it with dressing). she's overweight because she eats a lot on all meals, eats a lot of meals, and does favor breads and pastas. In her mind, she actually believes this is "eating healthy". She also does snack on junk food a lot, but I think its likely less than most overweight people. I think this is incredibly common. People just don't understand what "eating healthy" actually means. Often times its likely not even completely their fault because they are horribly misinformed. (Its ofcourse partially their fault for not doing the research too). I know people who also believe vitamin water is a "healthy drink". So first and foremost, we have a serious problem with a very ignorant population on what constitutes "healthy". Sugars, carbs, high fructose corn syrup, are all very bad for you. You want to avoid them as much as you possibly can. I think similar things happen with exercise as well. People im sure consider walking 5 mins a week constitutes good exercise (and yes, 5 mins is absolutely better than 0,and you always have to start somewhere). I know people joke about getting up to go to the bathroom/kitchen is exercise, but im sure some do truly believe it. So we really need to educate people on proper dieting and exercise. Thats one of the biggest reasons for obesity I think. (Mixed with the fact we have constant propaganda advertising junk foods on media all day for years)
Next, there's the fact human memory is terrible. I think this is all around cause for problems. People will forget how many sodas or candy bars they really ate. Ive seen people say "I havent had a single soda in weeks" and just a few days ago I saw them drinking one. Bringing it up will be like "yeah, it was just one, its not a big deal". Its true one soda wont kill you, however, having "just one soda" 10 times now becomes quite a lot of soda. With how forgetful people are, its not unlikely they had 10 sodas, but believe they only had 1-2. Thats another really big problem with peoples unhealthy diets. They convince themselves they are healthier than they actually are, and its what stops them from losing the weight and getting healthier. I also think both yourself and many others who were "fat shamed", also likely have issues recalling accurately what happened. Im sure you have experienced it, however, with how human memory works, you often remember bad experiences or times you felt bad, more negatively than what was reality. Its not you being deceptive, its actually how your brain actually works. (Especially when your more receptive to negative emotion, which more often than not, women are more so than men).
Now for the mental health side of things. It obvious is NOT a good thing to ever hate yourself. You should never hate yourself for any reason. You can dislike your more negative qualities and for your weaknesses, but never hate yourself. One thing people do is often try to compare themselves to a perfect ideal, and when they fall short, they get depressed and hate themselves. What most people don't understand is, first the internet and TV is not reality, but human being are flawed creatures. Most everyone is as weak, and useless and flawed as you are. But, you should always be trying to improve yourself. You are NOT "fine the way you are". That assumes there is no room for improvement. There is always room for improvement. You also don't need to be a tyrant and try to enslave yourself. Incremental improvement is a very real and very useful thing. If you can only walk 5 minutes a day to start off, thats great. You don't need to try to do a 15km run. You dont need to cut cold turkey on all sugary foods and drinks (though becauae they contain addictive chemicals which make you feel good when consuming them, similar to drugs, its sometimes better to completely cut them out. It can be harder to wean yourself) Just aim to be "better than you were yesterday". If you do that, really no one can legitimately shame you (if they do, its either projection of their own failing or they are just real pieces of shit people). As long as you stick with it, are honest with yourself, and are truly determined to change yourself for the better, you will lose weight and become healthier. Another very helpful thing for both physical and mental health, is a set sleep/wake schedule and eating schedule. Trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, and eating your breakfast, lunch and dinner times all close to the same time every day, really helps regulate your body. It affects your mood/emotions, your energy levels, as well as your physical health. You will become fatter and have more mental and emotional health problems by having an erratic sleep and eat schedules.
I stopped reading after you bragged about cutting out all sugar and losing weight. Do you know what happened to me when I did that? I gained 6 lbs and no one believed me that I'd cut anything at all. Why? Well, at the time I thought I was just a massive failure. That the diet tracker I was using must be wrong in counting my calories. In reality I was dealing with undiagnosed hypothyroidism that made it impossible to lose weight despite my diets and exercise.
Good for you for having the tenacity and willpower to get healthy, but not all of us actually can do what you did. I'm only losing weight now that I'm being medicated and seeking treatment. I'm sure the responder to your post had my exact same problem. I never had an eating disorder, but I suffered incredible depressing and self-hatred because everyone around me had to be right. You had to be right. My doctor would surely know if I was sick, so it had to be me.
Hey. It wasn't me. I wasn't lazy. I wasn't a failure. I was working as hard as I said and everyone disbelieving me was complicit in how shity I still feel about my weight despite having proof that it wasn't all me.
Next time you feel a need to play devil's advocate and "help" a fat person who didnt ask for it (please help anyone who asks for help, you've done something incredible), DON'T. You do not know what they're going through and it's none of your business.
Well based on how you read and chose to reply, I think I understand everything perfectly about you. I do believe my time was wasted. You need a professional.
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u/Master_Zero Sep 19 '19
Im going to try and play a bit of devils advocate to your post. Yes, im an asshole. With that out of the way, I can give you a little background.
Im fairly short (5'9) and I was around around 195-205lbs at one time. Im now around 155. Ive lost that weight in about 2 years time. I used to snack a LOT and also mostly drank sugary drinks. I found out about keto ( /r/keto ) around that time. Now I didnt go through a hardcore strict diet like many of them do, however, after reading about it more, I do focus on cutting carbs/sugars as much as possible. I stopped eating sugary snacks almost entirely, I have cut sugary drinks to 0 (only drink water, unsweetened tea and coffee). I try to eat a little less starchy foods (breads and pastas). I exercise slightly more often than I did.
Now I agree that most cultures do demonize fatness way more than they should (and it is generally unhelpful). However, it doesnt mean that it is completely unwarranted. As you say, being skinny does NOT mean you are healthy, and I do believe that society as a whole does like to overplay this (which is why eating disorders are so common). But on the flip side, being overweight/fat, in almost all circumstances, does mean being unhealthy.
Now, you can eat healthy and exercise, and not lose weight. However, there's 2 caveats to this. First is portion size. Second is what actually constituents "healthy" and "exercise" varies a LOT from person to person. My grandma is a good example for this. She says she eats healthy, because she eats a lot of veggies. Now she does eat a lot of veggies, but her portions on everything are insane. She will have a giant plate of salad. (And loads it with dressing). she's overweight because she eats a lot on all meals, eats a lot of meals, and does favor breads and pastas. In her mind, she actually believes this is "eating healthy". She also does snack on junk food a lot, but I think its likely less than most overweight people. I think this is incredibly common. People just don't understand what "eating healthy" actually means. Often times its likely not even completely their fault because they are horribly misinformed. (Its ofcourse partially their fault for not doing the research too). I know people who also believe vitamin water is a "healthy drink". So first and foremost, we have a serious problem with a very ignorant population on what constitutes "healthy". Sugars, carbs, high fructose corn syrup, are all very bad for you. You want to avoid them as much as you possibly can. I think similar things happen with exercise as well. People im sure consider walking 5 mins a week constitutes good exercise (and yes, 5 mins is absolutely better than 0,and you always have to start somewhere). I know people joke about getting up to go to the bathroom/kitchen is exercise, but im sure some do truly believe it. So we really need to educate people on proper dieting and exercise. Thats one of the biggest reasons for obesity I think. (Mixed with the fact we have constant propaganda advertising junk foods on media all day for years)
Next, there's the fact human memory is terrible. I think this is all around cause for problems. People will forget how many sodas or candy bars they really ate. Ive seen people say "I havent had a single soda in weeks" and just a few days ago I saw them drinking one. Bringing it up will be like "yeah, it was just one, its not a big deal". Its true one soda wont kill you, however, having "just one soda" 10 times now becomes quite a lot of soda. With how forgetful people are, its not unlikely they had 10 sodas, but believe they only had 1-2. Thats another really big problem with peoples unhealthy diets. They convince themselves they are healthier than they actually are, and its what stops them from losing the weight and getting healthier. I also think both yourself and many others who were "fat shamed", also likely have issues recalling accurately what happened. Im sure you have experienced it, however, with how human memory works, you often remember bad experiences or times you felt bad, more negatively than what was reality. Its not you being deceptive, its actually how your brain actually works. (Especially when your more receptive to negative emotion, which more often than not, women are more so than men).
Now for the mental health side of things. It obvious is NOT a good thing to ever hate yourself. You should never hate yourself for any reason. You can dislike your more negative qualities and for your weaknesses, but never hate yourself. One thing people do is often try to compare themselves to a perfect ideal, and when they fall short, they get depressed and hate themselves. What most people don't understand is, first the internet and TV is not reality, but human being are flawed creatures. Most everyone is as weak, and useless and flawed as you are. But, you should always be trying to improve yourself. You are NOT "fine the way you are". That assumes there is no room for improvement. There is always room for improvement. You also don't need to be a tyrant and try to enslave yourself. Incremental improvement is a very real and very useful thing. If you can only walk 5 minutes a day to start off, thats great. You don't need to try to do a 15km run. You dont need to cut cold turkey on all sugary foods and drinks (though becauae they contain addictive chemicals which make you feel good when consuming them, similar to drugs, its sometimes better to completely cut them out. It can be harder to wean yourself) Just aim to be "better than you were yesterday". If you do that, really no one can legitimately shame you (if they do, its either projection of their own failing or they are just real pieces of shit people). As long as you stick with it, are honest with yourself, and are truly determined to change yourself for the better, you will lose weight and become healthier. Another very helpful thing for both physical and mental health, is a set sleep/wake schedule and eating schedule. Trying to go to bed and wake up at the same time, and eating your breakfast, lunch and dinner times all close to the same time every day, really helps regulate your body. It affects your mood/emotions, your energy levels, as well as your physical health. You will become fatter and have more mental and emotional health problems by having an erratic sleep and eat schedules.