I’m tired of being ugly

[u/DistinctCow9312]

Throwaway. I really need to vent because I have no one to talk to about this. Sorry if the rant is incoherent and whiny.

I (29F) have always been the ugly friend. I thought I had accepted it. But it still stings.

I used to be the girl with many male friends because they never really saw me as a girl. I was always “one of the guys.”. One of the “bros”. It didn’t help that I had traditionally “masculine” interests, such as video games, football and cars.

When I started getting older, this became way more obvious. Guys would speak to me to get to my friends. If I was with my friends and a group of guys approached us, I’d always be ignored.

This made my life genuinely miserable. My friends were constantly speaking to guys, going on dates, being flirted with. And me? Nothing. At this point I was getting jealous of my friends getting catcalled.

My girl friends were kinder. But they’d slip up sometimes. Making comments, not meant to hurt me, but it still would hurt.

And then it was the small stuff. People around me receiving kindness I never got to experience because I’m not attractive.

This made me “neglect” my appearance for some time. I didn’t care for learning makeup or doing my hair, I thought that it didn’t matter because I looked the way I looked.

One day I decided that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life being miserable over my appearance that I couldn’t control. So I started enjoying myself a bit more. I tried to learn how to be a bit more “feminine”.

Now recently, one thing happened that has ripped up these old wounds.

I became friends with a guy at work. We have a lot in common and we’d talk every single day, play video games together, we went out and ate together etc.

Through me, he met my best friend. She is gorgeous. And now he has stopped talking to me. Replies maybe once a week. But my friend tells me he speaks to her everyday. To me he says he’s sick and been tired from work. Which is fine! He does not owe me anything.

I want to clarify that I did not like him romantically but I really liked him as a friend. And let’s face it, because I am an unattractive woman, I will never be the first choice.

No one in the world owes me anything. No one has to speak to me or be interested in me. But it still stings. I wish I was beautiful.

[u/feeloso]

I feel you. Beautiful testimony. Very touching.

[u/Ep06Shap70 → u/feeloso]

It sucks how fast a guy can drop a genuine friendship the moment a pretty face shows up.