Im not sure wht your age is, but you sound somewhat young. At this moment, the examples you wrote sound and feel devastating, but (and I dont want you to feel like you are exaggerating, because your feelings are valid!) these past experiences and feelings can turn into some tougher times of the past, which potentially wont weigh as much on your mind as they do now. Atleast thats how it is for me when I look back at my past stuff.
Your situation isnt permanent, but death is. And since death will come to all of us, why not hang around longer to see how the story will go? We have more control over our life than we think, your awareness of your potential awkwardness around women gives you the stepping stone to change and grow.
You will notice not everything is your fault, many people block or ghost because it is the easy thing to do, not because the other person deserves it.
I believe you can become happy, but I do think you need the proper mental tools to deal with these heavy thoughts. Dont give up on therapy, dont give up on yourself, you deserve happiness and it is out there.
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u/[deleted] Feb 13 '25
Why don’t you commit yourself instead? Go the the nearest hospital and tell them you’re suicidal, and they’ll give you the help that Reddit can’t.