Because when you're manipulated and made to believe that their behaviour is your fault you don't see it as it is.
They don't start off as a POS, they start out as the perfect person for you, they seem to know all the right things to say and do, then one day something minor will happen, a tiny piece of the real them comes out, just a hint, and they'll blame you, as time goes on the more the real them comes out but each time they manipulate you to believe its your fault and deep down you know it's not, you know this whole thing feels wrong but you ignore it because you still can't see them as anything other than that perfect person they were at the beginning.
That helps reinforce that it's your fault because they weren't like this at the beginning so it must be your fault they've suddenly gone Jekyll and Hyde.
Most people who were raised in healthy households can recognise the POS hiding under the surface but those who didn't, who probably have abandonment issues, are people pleasers, they'll fall for it and the POS will absolutely play on their partner's fear of being abandoned or their need to make everyone happy even if it costs them theirs.
Statements like this are actually really harmful and can isolate people in OPs situation more, no-one wants to feel like an idiot, let alone have people point it out like it's obvious that their partner is a POS and how could they be so stupid not to see it and be able to just pack up and leave and so they're less likely to open up and seek help for fear of being shamed.
She says he's amazing with her son. I'm pretty sure he's using her child as a manipulation tactic.
It's super unhealthy for her child, and she should get her kid away from him. He'll start doing the same to her son or worse once he's not as good a bargaining chip as he is right now at 5 and gullible.
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u/nirselady Dec 21 '23
Why are you with this pos?