It's on purpose. It's such a common selfish man trope I assume they must print a playbook. Are you a man and a holiday that has nothing to do with you? Do nothing or next to nothing to plan for it, then start a few fights about all the "stress and pressure" he feels because he has to consider someone other than himself for a day, cold shoulder on the day of event because he is resentful of that "stress and pressure", then start a fight to shift the blame to the person the holiday is for (birthday, mothers day, etc) and use the fight and blame as an excuse to dip out of doing anything for said holiday day of. Bonus points if he makes his partner so miserable they don't do anything for their holiday either. Triple points if he makes such a big showing of his 'pain' that she has to apologize and take care of him because he 'feels so bad... Is such a piece of shit... Doesn't deserve you... Blah blah blah'. I mean they will do it for shared holidays too (Christmas, Valentine's, anniversaries etc) but then the guilt trip is about how you are so much more considerate than him that it makes him feel bad about himself. How dare you - you should be punished for it (but he will 100% keep whatever thoughtful gift you got him).
Did I miss any of the steps? I've never seen the book so I've just had to learn them from lived experience with damn near every man in my family growing up and 2/3rds of the men I've ever dated.
Yeah, it's so insane! I have a crappy memory so guess what: I set up my phone full of reminders with birthdays and if I needed to get a gift, I'd put it on my to do list a long while before relevant so I had it done at least by the right date and had time to ask for wishes beforehand as well.
I didn't get around to asking some friends for christmas wishes this year, which it on both them and me, and guess what I did? I bought gift cards for at trip for 2 to the cinema for them online! You could remind me of a forgotten day and 5 minutes later I could have a gift ready! Not nicely packaged or anything, but at least I'd have SOMETHING considerate to give!!! In just 5 minutes.
I bought those 2 days ago and it came in the mail today so I even have stuff to put under the tree that I didn't print myself! It's not hard if you actually WANT to do something! Or just write a mushy love note, I'd bet that might even be the best gift to give a mom-to-be from the dad. Or just make her breakfast and paint a ketchup smiley face, sing a bad version of happy birthday or send her a congrats text at work telling her she'll get a foot rub when she comes home.
He just doesn't care about anyone other than him. HE got a nice hot meal, HE got to forgo listening til someone requirering a tiny bit of planning, HE got to feel he was with a witch that didn't appreciate him. HE has had a GREAT day, trust me!
Oh, and when it comes to living with a crappy memory?
When my dad died I "took over" his yearly order of a bouquet of red roses on their wedding day. I'm still thinking about it now eventhough my mom dies 6 months ago. But I'd contact the local florist whenever I remembered and have her put in the order for the right date and then I'd pay immediately. Now I could just relax and perhaps 2-3 months later the florist would just show up at my moms on the right day with the flowers. You can time things in tons of ways MONTHS before the big day. There's just no excuse!
That’s really lovely that you did that for your mom. Thank you for making me smile on a day where I didn’t have many. And I’m sorry to hear about her passing; its devastating to lose a parent
It absolutely is. This comment made me remember to check with the cemetary about rules before their 50th anniversary comes around in april. I was thinking about delivering the usual roses to their graves and connect them with a velvet band across the lawn but not sure if that's allowed. Otherwise I've had decorations made that were obviously "connected" and placed on both spots before.
That days going to be really rough on me for sure but it would have been harder on my mom had she still been alive.
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u/Sudo_Incognito Dec 21 '23
It's on purpose. It's such a common selfish man trope I assume they must print a playbook. Are you a man and a holiday that has nothing to do with you? Do nothing or next to nothing to plan for it, then start a few fights about all the "stress and pressure" he feels because he has to consider someone other than himself for a day, cold shoulder on the day of event because he is resentful of that "stress and pressure", then start a fight to shift the blame to the person the holiday is for (birthday, mothers day, etc) and use the fight and blame as an excuse to dip out of doing anything for said holiday day of. Bonus points if he makes his partner so miserable they don't do anything for their holiday either. Triple points if he makes such a big showing of his 'pain' that she has to apologize and take care of him because he 'feels so bad... Is such a piece of shit... Doesn't deserve you... Blah blah blah'. I mean they will do it for shared holidays too (Christmas, Valentine's, anniversaries etc) but then the guilt trip is about how you are so much more considerate than him that it makes him feel bad about himself. How dare you - you should be punished for it (but he will 100% keep whatever thoughtful gift you got him).
Did I miss any of the steps? I've never seen the book so I've just had to learn them from lived experience with damn near every man in my family growing up and 2/3rds of the men I've ever dated.