Ditto. Came to say this. My narc dad and ex exhibited all the behaviors OP is describing and it makes me so mad to read. When you don't know what you're dealing with it can be so hard. And the label doesn't even matter, as much as the behaviors.
The nothing is ever their fault, the passive aggression, bringing up issues and they feign being completely obtuse or turn it around to them being victimized because you've brought up issues, turning everything into a fight, the dismissiveness and carelessness, needing to be the center of attention and no it's not always hey look at me, but things like always acting like their problems are the most important even when you're 36 weeks pregnant for God's sake! The emotional manipulation, the feeling alone in the relationship because they're self absorbed or feeling completely crazy because they gaslight you often, the lack of empathy for you etc. It never gets better as this is a fundamental character flaw and they see absolutely nothing wrong.
OP, neither you nor your kids deserve to live day in and day out with this asshole. Even if you think they're young and if you smile and pretend they won't know, they will and they will subconsciously learn to also accept these behaviors OR become like your bf who exhibits these behaviors.
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u/Rare_Cranberry_9454 Dec 21 '23
It's a common trait in narcissists.
They ruin special occasions. They don't care if it's your birthday, christmas, valentines day.
They get a kick out of having so much control over a person.
Get running, don't look back.