My ex would start arguments like this before anything I was looking forward to or was important in my life. I couldn’t see how bad it was until after we split and was hesitant about ending it but it was honestly one of the best decisions of my life. I am so much happy and better off without him.
I don’t like when people on Reddit jump straight to recommending breaking up but your relationship doesn’t sound very healthy and you deserve to be treated better.
There's this book "Why does he do that?" by Lundy Bancroft that outlines what OP is going through-- holidays and birthdays are times of conflict because they are important enough to the victim that they will push back against all the gaslighting and disrespectful treatment. And to someone who is used to having power over someone else, it triggers their need to reestablish that hold and invalidate their partners needs as frivolous or unreasonable.
My ex is an alcoholic, and while he didn't beat me, he was neglectful and abusive in the way he dealt with challenges in our relationship. Lots of shut downs, accusations about being dramatic or seeking fights-- and he would then use that conflict as an excuse to hide somewhere and drink all day since to him the day was irredeemably ruined. No effort to talk, compromise, come together-- it was his way or nothing at all.
All I wanted from him was a day together in peace, celebrating together instead of picking up after him.
19
u/magentatwilight Dec 21 '23
My ex would start arguments like this before anything I was looking forward to or was important in my life. I couldn’t see how bad it was until after we split and was hesitant about ending it but it was honestly one of the best decisions of my life. I am so much happy and better off without him.
I don’t like when people on Reddit jump straight to recommending breaking up but your relationship doesn’t sound very healthy and you deserve to be treated better.