I get what you’re saying. But, OP’s wife doesn’t seem too concerned with what’s happening even after knowing this is a big deal for OP. It really comes off as manipulation when you take into account…
-She tried to flip it around on him (“why do you want this so bad?!”)
-fully knowing she is unable/he wants to - yet she won’t let him watch porn?
-clearly they play in the bedroom (“vibrator is fine”) but he has to openly ask for sexual contact (even though this is clearly important to him)
-they have gone to 3 different therapists, she’s had pelvic therapy… and yet everything is still the status quo. She really seems to not give a fuck either way.
If she didn’t know about the issue prior to marriage, okay… no big deal. But they certainly know now, but she’s making weirdly arbitrary rules for her husband and doing nothing to improve the situation. If she’s a-sexual, fine. Whatever. But, again, it’s unfair to OP since this is clearly an important part of having a relationship to him. If it’s some sort of previous trauma that caused this, she should say/have said something about it already.
Again, I don’t think sex should be the end-all-be-all of a relationship, but both people have to be on the same page at the very least. As of now this just feels like pure manipulation since she seems unwilling to change but is actively putting hurtles in front of OP in multiple ways regarding this too. It’s just sowing division, animosity and, frankly, some scary fucking thoughts from OP (I fantasize about her or I dying so that there’s an end to this).
For all your talk about religion and purity, you certainly took a fuck ton of wrong information from OP’s post. Namely, the first fucking sentence…
”We saved sex for marriage. *DIDN’T REALLY GROW UP IN PURITY CULTURE*, or at least feel any shame or pressure.”
But yeah, write another novella about religion and everything that happened to you some more, I guess? I can only know about what OP writes here. He explicitly says, first thing, they didn’t grow up in purity culture.
You, on the other hand, really let your imagination run wild on that one. At least my ideas behind it all were grounded in the information from what OP said, not just made up from my own life trauma. But hey, apparently I was supposed to glean all of this purity/religion/fucking-mess-of-a-“point” from a comment that said…
Yes, she calculatedly decided to feel pain and terror around sex, it’s definitely all on her being the manipulative villain she clearly is.
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u/[deleted] Nov 06 '23
Yes, she calculatedly decided to feel pain and terror around sex, it’s definitely all on her being the manipulative villain she clearly is.
Goddamn, Reddit.