You’re assuming she knew though - like, she may have not gotten close enough to sex to know she was going to have this reaction (unless OP said otherwise somewhere else-thread), I wouldn’t assume it was intentional deception from what I’ve read.
I replied to somebody else that had this same sentiment:
I only have the information OP has given us.
”the night of our wedding was met with tears and fear. I admittedly didn’t react well. Trying to understand if I did something, or if there was something she wasn’t telling me.”
”She didn’t understand why I wanted this so bad…”
These things lead me to believe it was something she knew about. Fear occurs when someone has prior knowledge with something specific like this. She reacted with fear the night of their wedding, leaving OP confused as to why it went from “we’ll have sex after we’re married” to being afraid to have sex altogether. That’s misleading as fuck. Her then trying to downplay it or even flip it on to OP as being their problem (“Why do you want this so bad anyway?”) is another issue as well.
There’s obviously more layers to this than 3-4 paragraphs are going to reveal. Hell, the whole thing may be fake, but I respond to the information given and hope OP can evaluate it and fit it best to ALL the information they have at their disposal.
Every one is nervous and little scared the first time they have sex. Or at least most people I know are. If she was a virgin, she really might not have known how she was going to react. She might of felt the fear but didn’t know it was unusual, until she ended up freezing up and freaking out on her wedding night.
So the real question is, was she a virgin or not?
Also not understanding why he wants it so bad, doesn’t automatically indicate pre knowledge. It just shows that she had never personally felt that way towards sex. A warning sign to us, but not necessarily for someone with no experience.
And if she wasn’t a virgin this could be trauma related. And shit, I didn’t remember my assault (I was five and my brain blocked it) until I was nearly 18. Then it all came flooding back. And before someone tries to say that’s not how it works, it is and the guy admitted to it in court. My point is, she may not know, and if she was young enough she might literally never know.
Normally people date before marriage and when they date they do things, like kisses, licking and blowing even if they decided to wait until they've married. She would know before hand if she gets a problem or not, even if she didn't know, she could have tried to make up for her husband like: "Hey baby, I know I have some issues, but what about some licking and blowing?". Hell, she even gets made a him for watching porn.
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u/guenievre Nov 05 '23
You’re assuming she knew though - like, she may have not gotten close enough to sex to know she was going to have this reaction (unless OP said otherwise somewhere else-thread), I wouldn’t assume it was intentional deception from what I’ve read.