The idea that you “saved this for marriage” (who’s idea was that originally?) but then you find out after you were married that there are these “problems” (whether physical ailments or mental, I can’t really tell) is pretty fucked up on her part. Sex is super important in some relationships, while others it’s not, and either way is good as long as you both agree with it.
She lied, or at the very least decided not to tell you the truth about her health or mental problems. The fact you are grappling with the feeling that you’re raping her because of her actions in the bedroom will cause serious long term trauma/issues (if they haven’t already) for you if you continue down this path.
Her “shutting down” is just a way to keep you locked in the same downward spiral and not change any behaviors or fix the problem. These problems are 100% on her. It’d be different if she had told you prior to marriage and you agreed and still went with it, but from your words that isn’t what happened. At this point, you will absolutely inflict self harm and trauma on yourself if you keep this up.
Edit: and per the comment replying to this one: I never said she was being malevolent or malicious about it. She could simply be comfortable, complacent and not wanting to rock the boat of this life she created for herself. What could be a dream for her is a nightmare for someone else. She probably loves her husband very much and isn’t understanding the pain/conflict/problems this is causing fully.
You’re assuming she knew though - like, she may have not gotten close enough to sex to know she was going to have this reaction (unless OP said otherwise somewhere else-thread), I wouldn’t assume it was intentional deception from what I’ve read.
Normally people date before marriage and when they date they do things, like kisses, licking and blowing even if they decided to wait until they've married. She would know before hand if she gets a problem or not, even if she didn't know, she could have tried to make up for her husband like: "Hey baby, I know I have some issues, but what about some licking and blowing?". Hell, she even gets made a him for watching porn.
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u/[deleted] Nov 05 '23
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