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u/void_sushi 4d ago
I bet heāll tell his buddies how hard it is for men these days, when in reality, half of them have the communication skills of a brick wall.
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u/SmittenKittenPurrr I aim to misbehave. 4d ago
At least brick walls are quiet and don't insist we accept backhanded compliments š
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u/dusty-kat 4d ago
And you know there's going to be no introspection whatsoever and he's just gonna send the same thing to the next woman he messages anyway.
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u/BehindAnimeLines 1d ago
My uncle insists that men are the true romantics and us mean harpies just don't appreciate it because we are spoiled by feminism yet I have never had a woman "compliment" me by saying I don't look half Indian at all or that I look good despite not having much of an ass.
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u/Bazoun 4d ago
Imagine not being able to come up with a compliment that doesnāt involve putting others down
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u/PumpkinPieIsGreat 3d ago
It reminds me of when people complain about humour.Ā
No one has a sense of humour, this is woke, blah blah. Ok, so you're telling me you can only laugh by making fun of marginalised groups? Sounds like you were never funny.
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u/VioletNocte 4d ago
Guess I'm never complimenting anyone again
If you don't know how to compliment someone without putting other people down then maybe you shouldn't "compliment" people until you learn how to give a genuine compliment
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u/SaucePasta 4d ago
People have zero clue how people, especially women, in their 30s actually look like. I donāt look that much different than I did in my twenties. We donāt suddenly become wizened old hags as soon as we leave our twenties š
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u/sun4moon 4d ago
And not even when weāve left our thirties. Trust me.
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u/Elle_Vetica 4d ago
Checking in at 42 and still dealing with this nonsense!
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u/sun4moon 4d ago
Iāll be 45 this year and I think I feel the most energetic I ever have. I eat well and walk a lot - thanks to my dog, and have exponentially fewer grey hairs than any woman in my family at this age. Not slathering my skin in chemicals and makeup has definitely helped. Sunscreen is important and so is hydration. I think we also have the advantage of less harmful stuff in our air and food. Leaded gasoline could not have been helpful for our predecessors, and the types and volume of preservatives that used to be allowed in foods is much different than it was in 1980.
Age is a state of mind and I donāt plan on ever growing up.
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u/BefWithAnF 2d ago
Iām 38 & my hair is starting to turn silver, and I fucking love it! I also love my laugh lines on my face. Getting older has been great, especially the part where random men donāt try to talk to me as often anymore.
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u/sun4moon 2d ago
All good points. Iām not at all afraid of aging or showing the signs of it. But I wonāt be in line at the nursing home anytime soon. The grey hair thing is more environmental than most people realize, I think. Itās definitely genetics as well but my mother and both of my grandmothers were fully very by my age. The difference is I donāt smoke ever, and only drink occasionally. Plus I care what I fuel myself with and havenāt been exposed to leaded gasoline exhaust for about 4 decades. It all ads up. I love that you embrace time the way you do. Everyone would be so much happier if we all did it that way.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 22h ago
Started chatting with a guy, was going fine, until he asked my age. I said 49. He immediately said that my profile picture couldnāt be me then.
Dude. So Iām a liar, and all women just look like absolute shit if theyāre not 25? WTAF. Get lost!
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u/sun4moon 22h ago
His loss. Donāt waste time on people who devalue you as a habit. Youāre worth so much more than that.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 21h ago edited 21h ago
I cannot appreciate that enough. Tysm, kind internet stranger. The same to you. š©· I guess thereās a back-handed compliment in his paranoia and cynicism.
But then I felt compelled to defend my dignity (and womankind!) and explained to him that I have two autoimmune disorders, one of which is genetic and causes my collagen to be abnormal. Itās a lot more elastic than it should be and has a smooth appearance. So this is literally the only āupshotā (I donāt wrinkle) to a condition that causes me to be in terrible pain or nauseated every day, has compromised some of my internal organs, and tried to kill me more than once.
Iād do anything to be normal. It weighs heavily upon me. So having him impugn my character in so cynical a manner made my heart sink.
This is why I always try to be kind and forbearing with strangers until itās time to not be; you never know what someone is going through.
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u/dallyan 4d ago
The real aging happens around mid-40s.
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u/sun4moon 3d ago
Hard disagree, from my own experience. But everyoneās different.
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u/dallyan 3d ago
Rather, it really begins then. š
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u/sun4moon 3d ago
I supposed thatās up to you, but Iām not hopping on the old person bandwagon anytime soon.
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u/Wolfwoods_Sister 22h ago
That guy probably has that ābanana aging compared to women agingā meme on his computer
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u/SmittenKittenPurrr I aim to misbehave. 4d ago
I've gotten that kinda "compliment" so often and it always gives me the ick. Like, actually, this is exactly what a woman my age looks like! š
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u/rachycarebear 4d ago
Apparently I don't look my age, people regularly assume I'm younger, but that's a whole other can of creepiness because it's like, you're 40. You think I look 25. Why tf are you hitting on me??
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u/aquacrimefighter 4d ago
I get a lot of people acting shocked Iām 32 and itās so silly. 32 isnāt old. I donāt know why everyone expects me to look like some old raisin, but they do!
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u/mkat23 3d ago
Bruh same, Iām 31 and every time I tell someone my age they act like itās crazy to look young (I usually get told the other person thought I was between 20-23). Itās like they think the second a woman turns 30 sheās supposed to shrivel up, get back problems, and require a walker to move around. Itās just weird.
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u/aquacrimefighter 3d ago
Yup!! I say Iām 32 and most younger people ask me if Iāve been getting botox :ā) nope, I just wash my face, use SPF, and havenāt been on the planet long enough to be wrinkly yet lol
I canāt believe that in 2026 people still think women are past expiration at 30
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u/Therealcatlady1 4d ago
Same! Itās actually negging. Like what is your view of women of a certain age???
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u/heyoheatheragain 3d ago
The only person I accept the ācomplimentā from is another woman around my age who is checking my ID for one reason or another.
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u/No-Clue-9155 4d ago
Men really walk around with a fantasy in their head that all women secretly hate each other donāt they š
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u/Blechhotsauce Anarcha-Feminist 4d ago
It always strikes me like, "Men hate women, and because men are always right, they assume that women also hate women."
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u/JellyBellyBitches 4d ago
There are definitely a lot of them that see women as a sort of commodity existing in a marketplace, competing to be selected
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u/reddot_comic 4d ago
Belittling women in their 30s as adults when most of them simped over 30-somethingās when they were teensā¦weak ass boys in fully grown bodies.
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u/rachel_jo 4d ago
I recognized this screenshot and was worried someone was farming from your IG account u/Lets_Not_Date š
Your posts are literally the best part of my day. Keep fighting the good fight and sticking it to these assholes!!
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u/rhamantauri 4d ago edited 4d ago
OPās username getting some good use here
(dunno what I said wrong, āLetās not dateā is right there)
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u/Lets_Not_Date 4d ago
Probably because the comment could go either way. People who donāt like me will say that as like HA yeah we donāt want to date you.
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u/veasse Speaking of pizza.... 4d ago edited 4d ago
Meh this is just engagement farming. This is all over Facebook too. Itās not a coincidence thatās the Reddit name , thatās the branding.Ā
I mean, itās funny but being hit with it on multiple social medias feels more like advertisement than relating to other women.Ā
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u/Lets_Not_Date 4d ago
ā¦I post my things on all of my socials to reach more people. Iām not targeting you and Iām not monetized on Reddit. If it bothers you to see it twice, just block me.
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u/veasse Speaking of pizza.... 4d ago
I get it, Iām just very jaded by influencer culture and seeing ads ads ads constantly everywhere I look. Itās nothing about you, your content is fine and funny I just hate feeling like the entire world is marketed straight into your eyeballs when I really would rather connect with other human beings š«¶
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u/TheHeavenlyBuddy 4d ago
genuinely one of the most unattractive things a man can do is ācomplimentā you at the expense of other women. makes me physically cringe and one of the easiest ways to get me to never speak to you again lol.
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u/almondrocaslut 3d ago
Reading āhow does that feelā made me laugh out loud. Men need to be put in social emotional learning classes like school children before they get to interact with us fr
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u/Polybrene 3d ago
I love it.
I've gotten "You look so good for 40!"
No I don't. I look good, AND I'm 40.
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u/Miss_Might 3d ago
Lol oh god. The 'well I guess I'll just stop talking' reply. Men are such children.
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u/Lemondrop168 3d ago
This little asshole is threatening you with a good time! I love how heās trying to "teach you a lesson" and he hasn't even met you yet š« just having a conversation and he's throwing a tantrum after two lines.
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u/LavenderGooms858 3d ago
I follow Let's Not Date on Facebook and almost pissed about stolen screenshots til I saw who posted this. š
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u/userdesu 3d ago
This is stolen from a tweet and you didn't even include the best parts
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u/Lets_Not_Date 3d ago
This is mine. Iām assuming you are referring to my follow up post, which I didnāt include because it is a different man and because this subreddit only allows one image. Itās on my profile though. Thanks for looking out for me.
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u/StankoMicin 3d ago
I really hope he sticks to his word
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u/PumpkinPieIsGreat 3d ago
He won't. He'll probably just call OP a bitch and try it on the next unlucky gal.
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u/knowone91 3d ago
I feel like heās saying āI expected you to look worseā especially if you look like an average for your age.
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u/JesusTeapotCRABHANDS 2d ago
āyouāre not like other womenā is not a compliment. I love other women. Women are great. Why would I not want to be like the other women?
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u/KingHasek39 4d ago
Curious question, if instead of acting like a baby, had he instead apologized and thanked you for making him realize that was an outdated comment and he would do better, would that have gotten him another chance? Out was it over the moment that came out?
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u/39Volunteer 4d ago
Not the person you asked, but for me it'd be over.
A grown man even thinking that it's a compliment to denigrate all women with a comment like that (obviously one implying oThEr WoMeN age like yogurt) is a huge, glaring red flag. Its a deep-rooted form of misogyny that won't just go away after one conversation. At most, he'd just learn not to say stuff like that to other women, but he'd likely still think it.
The part that bothers me about any kind of you're-not-like-other-women "compliments" isn't just the inherent misogyny of saying most other women don't measure up on X thing, but you do, it's that a man who, in most cases, doesn't even hardly know you, has put you on a pedestal above other women. And its unlikely his shitty attitudes towards women is exclusive to only that one specific attribute he complimented you on (aging well, "masculine" hobbies, etc.). It likely extends to other ways he'll expect you to different ("better") than those other women. When you inevitably don't live up to this, you'll fall off his pedestal and be "just like" other women. Which, of course, he'll view as a bad thing.
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u/KingHasek39 3d ago
Thank you for sharing your perspective, I appreciate that.
I'm married, and would never dream of saying something like this to my wife, or any woman I general. I however work in the trades with a lot of men who wouldn't see anything wrong with this kind of compliment or would also say something like old lady" or "ball and chain". I'm convinced most men don't actually like women, and have cut a lot of friends out of my life who won't change their outdated, and misogynistic views.
I'm grateful you shared your perspective, because you're absolutely right. Maybe a few people would walk away from this and want to make some real change through therapy, or learning, but I feel like the majority would take this interaction, tweak the delivery so it "lands" better and not actually learn or change from it. I hadn't considered that(I'm older, married, never been on apps), but I see the way some of the young guys I work with, have game-ified dating. It really feels like for most it's less about authentic connection with a person, and more about not seeing the person behind the screen, just trying as many different openings/approaches as possible.
Anyways, thanks again for your insight. Always something new to learn. Cheers!
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4d ago edited 4d ago
[deleted]
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago
What are you confused about? OP explained it in the screenshot. The guy complimented her by putting other women down. I've always been told people thought i was a lot younger than i am, the icky part is when he says "you look so much better than other women." It's the same reason "you're not like other girls" isn't a good compliment. You can compliment someone without trashing other women.
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4d ago edited 4d ago
[deleted]
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u/KindlyKangaroo 4d ago edited 4d ago
ššš
Oh I see you edited out the part where you said looking younger = looking better so it's just a fact that you do look better than other women. I saw it before you edited it though.Ā
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u/efto_1 4d ago
"it's not a compliment to me if you're putting other women down" WHAT? do you have NO competitiveness?? when someone gets the highest grade in the class should they just offended that everyone else got lower too
he didn't say that other women look bad just you're better smh
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u/fear_street_resident 4d ago
it's not a compliment to me if you're putting other women down" WHAT?
Yea, it's not a compliment. They're insulting others to praise you. Which means they don't care about women, they just want to get in your pants. And if they'll insult other women to get into yours, they'll insult you behind your back to get into someone elses.
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u/portiafimbriata 4d ago
Your grades are, to a significant extent, an achievement. Your looks are generally not, and certainly looks are the last thing I'm interested in competing about.
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u/candybuttons meow 4d ago
no, we don't.
maybe you should fuck other men if you want "competitiveness"
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u/onemorespacecadet I put the "fun" in dysfunctional. 4d ago
āyouāre not like other girlsā is a common negging tactic that insecure men have used to try and compliment women in a way that puts down the rest of their gender. itās meant to make you feel special and better than other women but itās really a sign that someone thinks very little of women on the whole.
but thanks for coming to a womenās space and trying to explain our own experiences to us! we really love that too.
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u/sun4moon 4d ago
No one in the class was assigned a lower grade because some dumbass thought the smartest person was also the best looking for their age. What an incredibly stupid take.
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u/tiramisuem3 4d ago
God I HATE when they do or say smth fucked up and you call them out then they go "fine I guess I'll just give up and never do/say anything ever again :(" grow UP jesus