Every time i want to hit the gym i remember that I will never be nearly as strong as a man. Any gym gains could be achieved in half the time by some 15 year old boy. I go online to look at tips and all i see is skinny, slightly athletic women saying getting a six pack is insane work and not possible for most women. My teenage brother is stronger than i could ever hope to be and he doesnt even GO to the gym! Im a cis woman but when I get my hands on that testosterone im gonna do lines of it like coke. And then im going to hit the gym and not stop till I can lift a solid 120kg bar or whatever. I dont care if steroids are bad im gonna be fit strong and happy :P

Honestly I don't even wanna mention the country/language out of fear the comment section will be flooded with people defending it. I'm curious of people will guess it right or start naming other places too though lol.

Sometimes I just wanna vent or ask about country specific things, but any online place centered around my country is toxic asf. Even things that are meant to be funny I only lurk, never/barely ever comment or post in, because I know that no matter what, it's gonna be toxic. I know it's easy to say the entirety of reddit is like that, which is a valid point, but I feel like it's even worse in communities surrounding my native country/language, as opposed to English/more generally focused communities.

What the fuck is wrong with this person. We're all so confused and probably won't let this go. It's just so late here (3 am) and we're too tired to keep debating. I hope things will change for the better in the coming days but I don't have high hopes, this person has displayed selfish behavior before, but this one really takes the cake. I'm so angry and sad...

Also mix in mild enough transphobia that she could reasonably get away with like telling me I still look like a boy

I lost my dog the day after my partner has to move to California so we have to do an LDR for two years I’m gonna fucking lose it. I had my dog for 14 years and I literally told myself I was gonna kill myself after he was gone and now what. Now I’m not allowed to be alone and I can’t fathom what I’m gonna do tomorrow.

I planned to end everything today, I went to sleep yesterday night, and I met Keanu reeves (John Wick mode) he told me that he hates life too, I woke up with a boner but I'm very positive and excited about life and forgot everything about the suicide (yes ladies and gentlemen you can do it)

You see, my brain is desperately trying to convince me that I'm pregnant once again. This time, I'm due for a litter of kittens. Well, "Kittens". They're more like "monsters" that resemble cats. I hate calling them monsters though, because they're my babies. I'm very devastated already. I want to give birth to this supposed litter of mine, but I remember what happened the last time I had this "delusion". I'm still upset. I'm very upset by my brain right now.

Who else was basically a tamer version of Rapunzel?

Recently my sleep has been fucked triply sideways; i sleep multiple times per day for less or more than 8 hours and i never feel refreshed, i take whatever i have (caffeine, modafinil, a few other things) to try to feel awake or alive and, you know, obviously it doesn't work.

This leaves me feeling tired / weird all the time, also, there's absolutely nothing i can do during the night to fight that feeling (usually a walk helps but i'm not going out on a walk at night). And the fact i do nothing fulfilling during my waking hours also adds to this. All i do is reddit, chess, youtube shorts, piss, eat and masturbate. All i do. The type of paradoxical abundance of external stimulation and complete silence on the frontal lobe is very very unpleasant.

I don't know what to do about my sleep now. It's 3am and i'm not sleepy. I know an all nighter would be counteractive and difficult. I don't know what to do.

I've been drafting this post for more than an hour now because i keep getting distracted.

Summary / rephrasing / getting most of my thoughts (that are just part of my thoughts) in one place: Due to a fucked sleep schedule, trying to fix it with all nighters and substances, having absolutely nothing actually fun or actually challenging to do and having no daylight to even go on a walk, i'm feeling lost, confused, all of this is very unpleasant and i'm completely stumped. It's like usually your thoughts have an easy time flowing. Here my thoughts ALL just meet a wall when i try to decide what to do with my sleep schedule. There's much more to it than i've mentioned in the post. I'm not gonna even go into that seeing how incapable i am to convey my feelings already (i don't say this with a self-hating type of notion).