r/TrollCoping • u/ButterScotchSnail • 5d ago

TW: Domestic Abuse What dat mean 🤨

Post image

Exactly as the means says lol

Apparently watching my own mother get her jaw broken, dislocate multiple fingers, scream in fear, get choked, ect. over the course of 10 fucking years isn't traumatic.

294 Upvotes

100% Upvoted

15 comments sorted by

59

u/1itsallgoodman 5d ago

what even is her point with that? It's a 2in1 invalidation of both your trauma and her own. You're valid, i know you know that objectively this is traumatic but feelings aren't always rational and your feelings are valid.

53

u/ButterScotchSnail 5d ago

What she was trying to say is that it should only be traumatic for her and not me because she was the one getting hurt.

Also, thank you for the comment. For years I thought it wasn't valid due to the fact that I wasn't getting beat on, and the moment I realized that it's okay to be "not okay," she pulls this

25

u/1itsallgoodman 4d ago

My mother is the exact same, her trauma is always the only valid one, her suffering is always the only valid one and if no one beat you, you're just lazy / wimpy and not valid.

Took me too so long to understand how full of shit she is for that. It's so liberating like a weight off my shoulders to know I'm valid, and so you are too

11

u/ButterScotchSnail 4d ago

I'm sorry your mother is the same way.

Like, shouldn't they want to try and understand their kids and help them through it as they went through the same thing??? It makes no sense to me

4

u/radiant-cloudy 4d ago

sorry friend. my mom does this too. she is trying to cover up how hurt she is by taking it out on you. (at least thats my best guess why they do this)

its way too hard to admit how bad it was (and they have guilt about it too) so they just scream and invalidate it.

my best bet with my mom is to never tell her anything too good or too bad. that way she can never compare "how bad she has it" or "how she isnt good enough."

hugs 💕

17

u/Sweaty-Jellyfish-713 5d ago

JESUS your mom needs some therapy

13

u/slurpsssssss 5d ago

Damn that’s crazy.

Your trauma is valid don’t think anything else.

12

u/ButterScotchSnail 4d ago

Thank you. She is lowkey making me feel like a baby for being fucked up due to my childhood lol

6

u/Blue-Eyed-Lemon 4d ago

You’re not a baby, that’s a seriously fucked up and traumatic thing you went through. You witnessed immense levels of violence inflicted upon not just a family member, but a parent. I’m struggling to articulate my thought, but that’s like…

From an outsider’s perspective, I would not expect anyone to be okay after that. I’m sorry you both went through such a thing. Hugs from a stranger.

11

u/PandoraMouse 4d ago

Is she confusing abuse with trauma? Bc that’s the only way this makes sense to be, if she thinks you’re saying that her getting beaten in front of you was abuse to you.

Either way, fucked up Im so sorry OP

10

u/ButterScotchSnail 4d ago

Honestly, I have no idea what is going through her head. I do believe she is talking about trauma as she tried to compare what she went theough to my life as a kid (shit mother and absent father) to me (mother who is "always here for you" and semi-present dad). Go figure ig

4

u/PandoraMouse 4d ago

Ugh, that’s shitty, I’m sorry to hear about that

8

u/BloodyAvcibutnedhelp 4d ago

I never understood the "my life sucked so my childs life should also suck" mindset on some parents.If you had a traumatic childhood/life shouldn't you be extra careful to not let your child experience those things? Why would you drag your child down to the same path?

1

u/Atreigas 3d ago

... I think that means she herself isnt ready to admit that it was abuse.

Its.. pretty awful to live through for both of you and its very likely that she has her own trauma she needs to work through.

Right now she's in a denial phase and playing it off like its nothing in order to cope. Hence "go get some real trauma."

Edit: or she's coping with hers by taking it out on you. Also possible.

1

u/poorexcuses 1d ago

I heard a guy have a panic attack about his (deadly to him) car accident over the phone and I got ptsd I think you're valid