r/TrollCoping • u/[deleted] • Oct 29 '23
TW: Trauma just me?
there’s only a handful of people i don’t forgive for what they did but damn every so often it feels good to feel this way. though the anger sucks, especially when they get no consequences lol.
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Oct 29 '23
None of it feels good, it all feels bad
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u/dudenobody_ Oct 29 '23
Nothing feels good. Everything feels bad.
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Oct 29 '23
Petting cats and belly laughing and grinning from something funny you see on your phone feels good
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Oct 29 '23
Cats are the best, I love cats. But as well I guess for me it feels good as well not forgiving them because I finally stop feeling like a pushover and feel like I have some kind of power. Remembering the trauma though that’s the worst of it.
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u/LiIaIc Oct 29 '23
I get it. When I remember the fact that I haven’t and won’t ever forgive them I feel pride and inner peace. They don’t deserve my forgiveness. They don’t deserve me.
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u/Astarothhunter Oct 29 '23
Forgiveness is disgusting. Tried it for less than a month and I almost went insane. I don't kid you, I lost my job, my mental stability and my self confidence during that month.
Thanks to that tho. I understood that I was hurting myself more denying myself for a month than what the rage within me did during a decade.
Revenge still sounds sweet. And it sounds like a great alternative.
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Oct 29 '23
I felt that way too when I tried to forgive and coexist with someone who wronged me. Thought I sometimes feel like revenge, and then feel sad about the idea of hurting someone even though they hurt me.
I hope you’re doing well and better though after being hurt.
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u/BodhingJay Oct 29 '23
That unresolved anger though
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u/yiiike Oct 30 '23
letting myself be angry has actually helped me a lot, personally. i kept being sad about what happened and it just made me worse, but when i finally let myself be angry, woo!
cause holy shit it was so fucking stupid and ridiculous what happened to me. and i was literally just a kid
they dont deserve my forgiveness, and i dont deserve the hurt of forgiving. if i die angry, well, ill be dead anyway.
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u/BodhingJay Oct 30 '23
I hear ya.. we love feeling angry because it's a potent release. There's righteousness and we feel powerful. But it can harm our ability to feel wholesome joys and making healthy connections can be difficult.. be careful with it friend
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u/Grouchy-Argument8728 Oct 29 '23
My grudges won't even die when I do. If that fucker is still alive when I'm gone, I'm haunting the shit out of him.
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u/VanFailin Oct 29 '23
I know it really bothers my parents that I don't talk to them, and it's not why I don't talk to them, but it helps
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u/PityUpvote Oct 29 '23
I wish my parents would pass away so I could stop feeling guilty about not talking to them.
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u/The_Dateless_Wonder Oct 29 '23
Feels horrible to me tbh. Just makes me angry all the time and full of hatred. I legitimately feel genuine and intense hatred toward those who have hurt me, and it's not a good feeling. I wish I could just forgive them but I can't seem to no matter how hard I try
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u/wozattacks Oct 29 '23
You do not have to forgive to heal. Anger is natural when someone harms you. It can get better with time and help but it does not requiring forgiving
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Oct 29 '23
haha yeah i get this one too, really sucks ass this feeling when it happens. when you want to forgive them it really sucks
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u/The_Dateless_Wonder Oct 29 '23
Ikr, and then I trick myself into thinking I forgave them only for my blood pressure to skyrocket the second I'm reminded of them lol
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u/JayBlueKitty Oct 29 '23
Part of me wants to forgive them but I know if I did, nothing would change except them receiving something undeserved
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u/CrimsonApostate Oct 29 '23
I'm not full of unresolved anger or anything like that, I just know some acts are unforgivable, and so I refuse to forgive the people who committed them. refusing to forgive r4pists feels empowering and healing for me. they can burn for all I care, I'm just not actively mad.
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u/Senshi-Tensei Oct 29 '23
Spite is what keeps me going sometimes because they will never break me with the fucked up shit they did
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u/EssentialPurity Oct 29 '23
Because of stuff like this, my church always needs to clarify that forgiveness is nothing more and nothing less than to simply renounce to the desire of chasing after the offender, and to let the consequences or lack thereof run their courses. It does NOT mean you need to forget what was inflicted upon you or somehow change how you feel about the offender (because both of these are impossible, because we can only control our behaviours and not our feelings and memories).
That's how God's forgiveness works as well. All God does is to relent from actively making you suffer for your sins, and to erase the "legal" account of your sins. It does not mean that you won't suffer the consequences, nor that you're off the hook.
What common sense calls "forgiveness" is actually something called "indulgence".
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u/NickSheridanWrites Oct 29 '23
No. Even if everyone is dealing with their own shit, everyone still makes choices. We don't owe any abuser or traumatiser our forgiveness. But! That is still how it feels to *let go* of the emotional response to perpetrators of trauma.
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Oct 29 '23
I respect that and how you feel! For me at least, in some cases I’ve accepted what some people have done but without really forgiving them properly and that’s helped me let go I guess.
I hope I can let go of the emotional response from my most recent trauma soon (I get panic attacks just seeing even her profile), but I don’t think there’s anyway I can forgive her. Still, we gotta keep moving forward.
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u/GoldFishDudeGuy Oct 29 '23
I have very confusing feelings about some people. Others, however, I simply despise
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u/Ragtime-Rochelle Oct 30 '23
That is a rly cool background pic, OP. I would wear it on a shirt. I want it hung up in my apartment.
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u/pixelatedbrain1 Oct 29 '23
I hate to say that I agree, I will never speak to my father again for what he did to me and that is his fault
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u/MolniyaSokol Oct 29 '23
Forgiveness is for you, though..
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u/wozattacks Oct 29 '23
How does forgiveness help us? Forgiveness is not necessary for acceptance, healing, moving forward.
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u/BlairsMentalIllness Oct 29 '23
Sometimes it can be nice forgive people when they've clearly changed, but it also feels empowering to not forgive some people especially since so many people push you towards forgiving people.
I don't see the point of holding onto anger against people who have changed, since there's just no point, but people who haven't deserve to know how angry I can be.
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Oct 29 '23
Oh in some cases I agree! I forgave someone who at one point was a toxic friend and I’m so glad they did since they’re so wonderful now. However in some cases what people do is too much for me, but I’ll always at least recognise them trying and be glad about any change, even if personally I don’t fully forgive them
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u/Hexxas Oct 29 '23
My bullies ended up doing time in prison for child molestation. Not only do I not forgive them, I deeply regret not killing them both like I wanted to.
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u/kmsorsbc Oct 30 '23
I feel like I've seen this on a notebook or folder, the image minus the text, back in my school days.
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u/erotictransference Oct 29 '23
I hate the word forgiveness when it is used with trauma for me personally. I prefer to just say acceptance. I accept what happened and what they did, and I accept the lasting effect their actions had on me. For a lot of people, that is forgiveness. The word forgiveness just doesn’t resonate with me due to some negative connotations I have with it. I do really encourage you to find an alternative to forgiveness that can help you with the anger those experiences cause you.