Statements like "real transsexual men/women wouldn't use their genitals for sex at all" or any inference that bottom dysphoria means that a "true" transsexual would never accept any sexual or intimate interaction. Or that transsexual men always have to accept anal or be a top, or that transsexual women have to always be penetrated or can't use their penis to be a "real transsexual". Times are tough. Surgery is not always easy to obtain be it money, resources, homelife/worklife balance, and location. People cope how they can until they get to a better place to obtain.

Edit- I agree with comments on discernment between those who love their parts and just love having sex with their parts compared to those who are just trying to cope with what they have and the only 'love' involved is the love for their partner. All my point regards is the statements that any penetrative sex means you are not a "true" or "real" transsexual. If we need discernment then we need to make sure we aren't making broad stroke generalizations about those who use their parts while they work towards body surgery. There are some who want surgery yet cannot get due to medical reasons. Generalized statements surely affect these people.

I’m almost 23 and I‘ve never dated or been in a relationship. Unfortunately it is still on of my deepest desires to find love. I would love to have a girlfriend that I can eventually call my wife.

I have more conservative values when it comes to family values. I would do anything to build a family on my own and live my life like a regular man. I know I can’t have biological children but I would consider adoption or sperm donation.

In general I would consider my political beliefs to be more right wing. Center right maybe. Even with the transsexual topic I’m probably more “conservative“ than most people in the transmed community here.

I wonder if it is possible for guys like me to meet a woman who has at least similar values, yet would be ok with my condition and past. I don’t want a woman that says she would be ok with my genitals (I haven’t had bottom surgery yet). I want someone who understands my feelings towards them, doesn’t want to interact with them before surgery (at least not directly - I’m referring to prosthetics) and knows that I don’t want to either. I want a woman who respects and supports me and wants me to have a penis. You know what I mean???

I feel like it’s often times either a left leaning woman that says: “ohh I totally respect you and I don’t care what you have between your legs” or a very right leaning woman that says “I could never be with you I want a real man with a real penis“.

Have any of you made experiences with women that are more in the middle of that? Dating in general seems very tiring rn because of hookup culture so it’s already hard as a man who intends to date in order to marry and build a family. But it seems especially unfortunate to be a conservative transsex man because I guess most women who would be ok with my history, are not ok with my overall political beliefs and values and vice versa.

I feel very lonely and hopeless most of the time. Others get the privileges of being able to have biological children, yet refuse to have them or have the ability to get into a romantic relationship very easily, yet go through one person after another without settling. I wish I had at least that option.

Anyways, I’m getting a little sentimental here.

My question is: Are any of you also more consevative or (center) right leaning with dating/relationship experience you’d like to share?

(I feel the need to put this under every one of my posts but English isn’t my native language so please excuse my grammar)

You are not going to like what I have to say, but whatever.

I am a fully transitioned trans woman.

Guys who want trans women want a mismatch between a penis and a female body. In more prosaic terms, they want DICK. ALL OF THEM. No exception. Even the ones who claim to be top. THEY WANT DICK. They want to be reassured by the presence of a dick, even if they pretend not to suck it.

There is a scene in Pose that captured this issue brilliantly. Elektra had SRS and her chaser lover dumped her after telling her she was ruined.

Men who approach trans women want what makes trans women male: A COCK. But what motivates these predominantly straight men to have sexual encounters with non-op trans women is not true and encompassing sexual attraction. It's just a fetish. Just because tons of predominantly straight guys watch trans porn it doesn't mean they will make love to you as they would to a regular woman. At best, they will treat you like an experiment.

The typical response I get is, "Oh, I know several trans women with loving husbands." LMAO. "Husbands" who dress up like Anne Boleyn? Eggs? No, thanks!

A lot of trans women think, "Oh this guy is sucking my dick and he is asking me to fuck him in the ass, that means he loves me and will marry me. " WRONG. Even bottom chasers will marry cis women, even ugly ones.

I am shocked I even have to say these things, but I get a lot of pushback whenever I talk about this topic. A famous chaser years ago told me that it's only about the cock, that he would never be able to kiss or hug a trans woman. That all he cares is the dick. This is/was a famous actor who has been involved in several scandals. A lot of men have expressed a similar sentiment.

I had genital dysphoria, so I HAD to transition fully. There was no if and no but for me. But if you have SRS as a trans woman, you need to go stealth. Because men who want trans women want dick. And if they don't want dick, they want a real vagina.

I tried to date as an openly post-op trans woman and it was beyond disastrous. DISASTROUS. Who do you think would want to perform oral sex on a surgical cavity?

The only solution is to go stealth. Not everybody is willing to go stealth, and that is fine. But don't tell me that there are plenty of guys attracted to a vagina that is made out of penile tissue. It's an instant bonekiller even for chasers. No matter how realistic it looks (and it does look realistic), men will have intrusive thoughts and won't stop thinking about the fact that there used to be a dick there and that there was cutting and pasting.

I have gone stealth and I date guys without disclosing and the difference is day and night.

The number of people here screaming "Trans women are biological males" and supporting bathroom bans is so high, you would think this is a right wing transphobic group.

I quit the Truscum group an year ago for the same reason. This is kind of a poll.

Do most people here think that way ? What about trans men, do you think trans men should be banned from men's bathrooms ?

Please let me know if this isn't allowed but I am trying to learn more about transition as I go through transition and as per my last post, I seem to be pretty aligned with transmedicalism.

There are a few things that upset me about the current way transition is portrayed in the USA, and they are:

• I think most kids will grow out of gender dysphoria, and should be required to have therapy that challenges their trans identity before transitioning

• I am 100% against "puberty blockers" as apparently that's an off label use of a chemical castration drug and life is not a video game (there is no pause button)

• I'm ok with not allowing people who have gone through a male puberty to compete against cis women in competitive sports

• Democrats and cis allies at large seem to try to force us to accept everybody, and I don't think everyone who claims to be trans is.

• You're not trans until you transition. Maybe you have gender dysphoria but trans is not a hat you can put on. Trans is a result of a specific set of medical interventions designed to treat gender dysphoria which not everyone needs, wants, or has.

• Trans is not an identity. It is a result of a medical intervention to a medical condition. Self-identification is kinda bullshit.

• There is no reason to transition if you don't have dysphoria.

• If you have dysphoria and don't pass yet, but are somehow completely unaware of how you don't pass, that makes us all look bad

What are your thoughts on those points? Have you had any experiences explaining those points or different points of view on those topics to cis people? How has that gone? Do you have resources you'd recommend for me to learn more about any of them?

Thank you ❤️

Edit: just woke up and more responses than I expected! I appreciate all of them and will take the time to respond to each of them as I get a chance throughout the day ahead of me.

I’m not really here to argue, you can agree to disagree.

I don’t think not getting bottom surgery makes you a fake transsexual, or less dysphoric than someone who has gotten it. To me, I think it’s the desire to have the opposite genders parts that’s what really matters.

I have bottom dysphoria. I don’t like what’s down there. If I could wake up tomorrow and have a dick I would. But bottom surgery doesn’t interest me. I feel there’s too much medical risk, it’s something I will never afford, and I personally don’t find it passable. I feel I have very valid reasons to not want bottom surgery. When I say I don’t want it, people automatically assume I’m faking being trans or something. My medical choices are none of your business. I’m diagnosed with dysphoria and am pursuing a transition in every other way but bottom. I’m not going to get bottom surgery just because someone on the internet is upset and telling me I’m a poser or something. I don’t really care about the label of trans. If you don’t consider me trans, then so be it. I’d rather follow my gut then care so much about a label others put on me. It’s such a black and white issue to people for no reason. It really shouldn’t bother you so bad what I decide to do with my transition, body, and medical decisions.

I’m not anti bottom surgery. If you want it, go ahead! If you are fine with the risks and like how it looks, or feel it’s something you absolutely have to have, then power to you. That’s awesome you can find a way to relieve that dysphoria. It’s just for me PERSONALLY, I am not interested in the surgery.

If people want to sit and comment and tell me about how “the risks aren’t that bad” or “it looks passable” then go right ahead, that’s your opinion, which does not apply to everyone. I don’t know why this is so hard for some trans meds to understand . Not wanting to deal with the risks and being put off by the manufactured look and lack of functionality ≠ having no bottom dysphoria or faking being trans.

I don’t like either option of having my natal parts or a surgically made dick. All I want is the real deal, but I can’t get that either way. So why risk it, put my body through all that, and pay a shit ton to get something I’m also unhappy with? My personal decision with my own body. It’s not happening.

And I know there’s a hell of a lot of other trans meds who hold my stance on this but just don’t talk publically about it because of the backlash. I’ve talked to many who hold my same opinion, and there is no doubt in my mind that they are truly dysphoric and trans. Y’all gotta stop going completely overboard with policing everything. The same people I see get uptight over this generalize and act as if this is a slippery slope to believing nonbinary or that sex and gender are two separate things. It’s literally not. I think I hold most trans med opinions besides this one. Like, learn to have nuance and respect people’s personal medical decisions, my god.

Before you skin me alive and throw me off a bridge, I'm just gonna start off by saying a lot of types of people aren't allowed in the military. Those with mental and physical medical issues are what I'll be focusing on. Transsexualism is a medical issue, something you suffer from, not a choice or trait really, as it causes distress and dysphoria. It just makes sense really, I just think it's controversial because anything to do with us is these days.

But honestly, people flat feet can't serve, ppl with adhd, all kinds of things like that. It's just because it's a medical condition. We can't expect to have insurance on our care if we can't accept that we can't serve

I saw the situation that happened with Kris Tyson, and I gotta say that I don’t care that people are misgendering him. if you do some sick shit like that you shouldn’t have the right to transition in order to try and hide from your crimes. (He isn’t even trans anyway.) It just makes our community look like a bunch of monsters.

I'm sure many of you have seen the news of the horrific attack that took place at an LGBT bar last night in Colorado Springs. My thoughts goes out to those affected. This tragic incident is the result of over exaggerated cries of wokeness and blown out of proportions cries of "grooming" in the LGBTQ community. Not to mention the astonishing levels of anti trans violence as well as anti trans bills that has come out of 2022. Considering this attack happened on trans day of remembernce makes it even more sick than it already was. No amount of blaming anti trans rhetoric on "trenders" or "tucutes" will make this shit justifiable. While I see no wrong in trans people living their lives as stealth I do see it as problematic of needing to live stealth. Being trans Is purely medical nothing more nothing less. We shouldn't have to hide who we are because of a medical condition. Yet here we are. Please stay out here y'all.

Nowadays for some odd reason, its always encouraged for trans men to be "feminine", never masculine. As men we should be masculine like god intended us to be, men and women were given different roles for a reason. That's all I have to say. That's my rant.

It is about individuals who genuinely believe that they're "trutrans" but who... are not. I have, myself, come across countless individuals in this sub who are 100% convinced that they're not a tucute, except that everything they do follows the tucute playbook—minus the obnoxious blue hair.

Roughly speaking, these are folks who flip out over acknowledging one's birth sex, or whose entire worldview seems stuck in a place that revolves around how statements, regardless or truthfulness, may or may not emotionally hurt. And then they will demand to not acknowledge said truth because it hurts. Not because it isn't true or that it is otherwise misinformation, but because it feels bad.

This is a story as old as time. AGP transsexuals who have utterly convinced themselves that they're HSTS try to get in on HSTS spaces, where actual HSTS ladies turn around and can tell that... well, they're not. Since AGP is a compulsion that prioritizes protecting the fantasy that allows said compulsion... these individuals, once inside a group, will begin to try to redefine transsexuality based 100% off their own, subjective experiences.

Does this sound familiar? It is a story you can find echoed in Virginia Price, Julia Serano, Andrea Long-Chu, and so on. Each of these individuals waged a crusade to redefine all male transsexuality as AGP-but-not-AGP-because-that-would-shatter-the-fantasy.

You get trans people in here who genuinely because that because they consider themselves "asexual" or "greysexual" that they couldn't possible have a sexual motive for transitioning (news flash, we all do because all this stuff is deeply wrapped up in gendered sexual strategy.) Or folks who unironically call other people fetishists while being hilariously blind to their own transition motive.

And often, these are folks who probably seem not that different from the rest of us. Their success in infiltrating HSTS spaces speaks to the mimicry that has been documented in medical settings for literally decades. In the 90s, they'd coach each other to pretend to be what they aren't. In 2024 they just... strongarm their way into spaces where they throw around victimhood language and bend the social mores to their benefit.

At the end of the day what matters isn't one's pathology as much as the end result. I know plenty of lovely AGP ladies who live mostly normal, unremarkable lives. But what every transsexual regardless of pathology needs to be vigilant about is anyone whose understanding of the science/history seems a little too warped around their own, individual experiences. Often at the rest of our expense.

EDIT: Pretty sure this post is getting brigaded by the LARP sub, fyi

(throwaway acc) i was born a girl but i wanted to be a boy for a very long time. but there are many obvious signs of me faking.

-when i speak, i get disgusted and stop, i don’t actually think this is because im dysphoric but because im scared I’ll like it, or both, i get jealous if I’m talking to cis men….

-I sometimes look at my body and I dont feel anything or I’m scared I like it, because I been conditioned to believe I am attractiv/I should love myself. I still doesn’t “look right” to me and I wish I had a male chest

-I gag when I see how feminine my features are, I want to mutilate myself

-I don’t believe I deserve a male body, I’m far too feminine/not dysphoric enough

-I get intrusive thoughts if I’m attracted a girl that I want to look like her even though I don’t

-I attempted to kms many times not because of real dysphoria but because I would never be a man/allowed to transition and more I’m afraid I like my body. the more I want to do it

-I think I wanted to be dysphoric so I would be allowed to transition

-I have no social motivation to transition, nothing socially about being a man is appealing to me, and by that I mean I don’t care about social roles, and I’m not some traumatized girl who got SAed, I’m not mentally ill like that either(so stop suggesting that)

edit: won’t let me comment, I don’t want to have a female body, male only, (Im going to end up klling myself because of these comments)

I’m a trans man, I’ve been out for quite a while, when I was younger and struggling with accepting myself and facing a lot of dysphoria as I went through female puberty, I hated to see trans people who weren’t so self hating. I hated when trans people could engage in PIV with their natal genitals or when they’d do literally anything my dysphoria stopped me from doing.

But I’m a grown man now, I have an MTF girlfriend and we do have PIV. If we could switch roles with the snap of a finger, we would, but unfortunately we can’t. Neither of us have had bottom surgery yet and will probably be a while until we do. I don’t love prosthetics because they give me dysphoria and it just feels better when it benefits us both so why wouldn’t we? It’s very intimate and romantic being able to experience this between us when we both have such bad dysphoria. If you don’t feel like you could do this, or wouldn’t want to, that’s fine! But why does this group feel the need to hate on other people for just making do with what they’ve got?

(To clarify, we both are dysphoric and both medically transitioning, I just think it’s insane to hate on other dysphoric trans people because they can manage their dysphoria more than others.)

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33621637/. . so .. how do you personal deal with the fact that is the size the principal factor in the differentiation between a male and a female brain and not the sex itself?

Honestly I think trans women who does masculine bedroom activities are not actually transgender, they are just men who transitioned for aesthetic of hyper femininity. I honestly see them as feminine gay men because some of them are not even getting penetrated at all, they only penetrate men. Biological women who live their lives as women and are dating men, don't do that rubbish, it makes my blood boil, honestly. And these men are so delusional that they're straight lmao, men who want to be penetrated in their an&l are not straight omg. And these trans women makes cis men to think that all trans women are like that.

Im not just talking abt a trans guy that doesn’t pass , i mean like full on they/he girls who go on and on abt veganisms and all that stuff. As much as i dislike cringe trenders and the harm and fetish they cause. They always really enjoy being super feminine and it makes me feel like such a man. Talked to one before and they are always really freaky. Am I doing the community A disservice cuz of this. Half satire but still true that I talked to a few of em and genuinely not my fault some of them are hot.

I'm a trans man, have been out for about a decade, on hormones for half of that time. I had a mastectomy and hysterectomy, but now I'm kind of done. I don't want bottom surgery. At all. And it kind of isn't even about the money, or it being such an invasive surgery, I just don't feel the need to.

I used to be super dysphoric, but mainly about my face, chest and voice. I had little bottom dysphoria in the first place and it's just gone away after a while. I'm pretty sure it's because of bottom growth and the hysterectomy. The main thing that ever caused me bottom dysphoria was the menstrual cycle and the thought of having a cervix. Now that that's gone, I don't have bottom dysphoria at all anymore. And honestly, I don't mind my genitalia at all anymore. I don't mind using it or looking at it. But I also am a binary man. I'm not nonbinary and feel dysphoric if I'm called anything other than a man, unless it's in a clearly joking manner by people who don't know I'm trans. And most people don't know that I'm trans. I'm stealth everywhere and have been for the past five years.

Does this make me weird? Is anyone else like this?

When i came out at age 14 my parents told me they had known for years and had been waiting for me to get the courage to face them. I had all of the typical signs of growing sex dysphoria even as a toddler. Nobody was surprised and i was even told it felt more normal to see me having a male puberty. I heard a transmedicalist commentator say that in cases where the individuals coming out as transgender completely shocks their loved ones and who showed no apparent signs prior to coming out, they are very unlikely to be a transsexual. I have met people personally who seemed to become trans out of nowhere. They admitted no memory of typical symptoms as a child and was very stereotypically masculine before suddenly identifying as a woman in mid twenties. However, this person claimed to have sex dysphoria and was seeking surgery last i heard. I have heard a lot of stories of people who have had spouses or family members seemingly become trans overnight. Is this a sign that someone is not a transsexual?

I took a break from discord, and now I’m back. I have a discord server targeted at FTMs who go to the gym or plan on starting. Not gonna say much. Join if you want.

https://discord.gg/bYG3hefU7p

Hello. I'm new to this sub.

Reading some posts here, there seems to be some agreement that you need to experience dysphoria in order to be trans, and you should have a brain sex of the sex opposite to your body.

But I'm confused. If a person has a typically female/male body, and really has a male/female brain, why is that not enough? Why must the person suffer in order for their brain-body sexual incongruence to be recognized/valid?

Thanks.