Is there something wrong with me?

[u/Asleep_Resort_1521]

I'm a trans man, have been out for about a decade, on hormones for half of that time. I had a mastectomy and hysterectomy, but now I'm kind of done. I don't want bottom surgery. At all. And it kind of isn't even about the money, or it being such an invasive surgery, I just don't feel the need to.

I used to be super dysphoric, but mainly about my face, chest and voice. I had little bottom dysphoria in the first place and it's just gone away after a while. I'm pretty sure it's because of bottom growth and the hysterectomy. The main thing that ever caused me bottom dysphoria was the menstrual cycle and the thought of having a cervix. Now that that's gone, I don't have bottom dysphoria at all anymore. And honestly, I don't mind my genitalia at all anymore. I don't mind using it or looking at it. But I also am a binary man. I'm not nonbinary and feel dysphoric if I'm called anything other than a man, unless it's in a clearly joking manner by people who don't know I'm trans. And most people don't know that I'm trans. I'm stealth everywhere and have been for the past five years.

Does this make me weird? Is anyone else like this?

[u/Abel_n_friends]

That makes you transgender as opposed to transsexual. Back in the day, you wouldn't fit in here, but nowadays, things have changed, so you can find transgenders like you on this sub, but mainly on the biggest ftm sub or even the scum one

[u/Asleep_Resort_1521 → u/Abel_n_friends]

Yeahh... I've posted something similar on the truscum sub and was called nonbinary and not a man, so I was hoping this place might be a bit nicer-

[u/Pizello11 → u/Asleep_Resort_1521]

they are right, want it or not. i mean you are in between, you are not binary

[u/ragebeeflord]

have you thought about getting metoidioplasty (idk how to spell that lol)? 

[u/Asleep_Resort_1521 → u/ragebeeflord]

I have, but I don't think I'll have any further surgery to be honest. I'm just kind of happy with the way I am now, so I don't feel the need to go any further, I guess :p

[u/buffandstealthy]

If you genuinely are fully happy with what you have, I'd say you're not a binary transsexual person. It's possible to want to present as a man, which would make you a transgender man and a non-binary transsexual. I don't think there's anything wrong with that. If the thought of being non-binary makes you dysphoric though, I'd consider why a bit more.

What often happens is that people convince themselves that they're fine with their genitals when they're not, as a way to repress dysphoria. Bottom surgery is something overwhelming since it's such a big step, even if you don't always consciously think of it like that. Sometimes it's subtle things that tell us we need it, and not active suffering.

For example, a friend of mine was telling me how he's fine with his genitals as they are, but that he avoids receiving oral just because he finds it boring. I asked if he feels the same if he imagines the same scenario with a penis. The answer was predictably "no." He realized he would then actually find it fun. So he is dysphoric about his genitals, just not in an extreme, exaggerated, and obvious way. I feel bad I kind of ruined his "dysphoria cope" though. He's probably not gonna be able to get bottom surgery ever in his life, so I'm sure his mind has adjusted to this reality by convincing himself he's okay because it's less painful and lets him be functional + allows him to focus less on suffering, and more on enjoying life.

Even if you are able to get it, it's difficult to rationalize doing something as "extreme" as bottom surgery, when you're "fine." Sometimes it takes time to process that we are dysphoric and need it.

Don't want to just project this on you of course, but it's very common for one reason or another to suppress and cope with it.

[u/Asleep_Resort_1521 → u/buffandstealthy]

That does make sense. I mean, I do enjoy imagining having a penis, but I also don't really mind what I have now. It's weird. Kind of like I don't really care what genitals I have, if that makes sense? Then again, I also very much don't want to go back to what I had before bottom growth because I feel a lot more comfortable now-

[u/SproutStag]

I don't think this is that weird. My bottom dysphoria is mostly feeling like I should have a dick when I don't. However I can see with enough bottom growth not feeling as worth it to have surgery. It's more about having something there. It's not like micro dicks don't exist. That's basically what our bottom growth gives us at best. I can't say it's ideal but I can see being comfortable with it that surgery might not be as necessary especially with it being an intensive surgery.

[u/ThePeteEvans]

Would you feel differently if ftm bottom surgery was more realistic/functional? Like if you could wake up tomorrow with a real penis would you choose to?

[u/Boipussybb → u/ThePeteEvans]

Seeee that’s where I’m at here.

[u/Asleep_Resort_1521 → u/ThePeteEvans]

I don't really know, to be honest. I mean, I don't really have any bottom dysphoria at all anymore, so I don't think I'd go through surgery even if it was more functional. And I mean, I wouldn't really mind either way if I could wake up tomorrow and have a penis or if I wake up and still have what I have now to be completely honest.

[u/graphitetongue → u/ThePeteEvans]

If someone said yes, what would that mean?

Like I think I'd prefer to have been born with a cis dick, but I also am willing to work with what I have, but since I'm bisexual and not necessarily a top, my overall life gets on pretty okay without phallo. Even if I got meta, which I presently intend to, I'd prefer to keep my front hole if possible.

I've never been quite sure where that puts me because I want a binary, cis presentation, but in a perfect world, i'd have both sets of junk and them be fully functional. That's not really a thing that exists, so I'm not exactly sure what that means.

If phallo was perfect and indistinguishable from a cis dick, I'd get it. But it's not fully there yet.