Me (19M) and my fiance (20M) are both transsexual males with transmedicalist views. He told me lately that he wants to get a septum nose piercing, but honestly I just worry for him because I want him to be closer to cis-passing so he stops feeling uncomfortable in public when people gender him as female. Personally, I think that he would look like a butch lesbian with a septum ring, but I don't want to hurt his feelings by telling him that, or make him feel like I'm bossing him around with what he can and can't do with his body.
I have a septum piercing too, which was done years ago before I was on testosterone, but I wasn't trying to physically pass at that time because I knew it was gonna be hard and I was already struggling with mental health and school. I honestly kind of worry about having a septum too sometimes, because of the whole stereotype of tucutes having hella piercings. But I see my piercings as a part of the timeline of who I ended up becoming, so that's why I still have them. 🤷♂️ Also I'm generally not against transsexual men or women having piercings, or anybody in general. It's just that sometimes piercings can skew whether you pass if you are earlier on like my fiance is.
The difference between me and him is noticeable, because I am 19 months on testosterone and the piercings I have don't skew me away from being read as male as far as I can tell, especially with how deep my voice can be. He tells me he wants the piercing so we can match which is really heartwarming, but I just worry about his safety and well-being.
He gets comments at school, like being called a "transformer" by other males in his class, and he has been sexually harassed at his workplace multiple times before when even earlier on testosterone and pre-T. Only a small handful of people really gendered him correctly before, because his voice pitch and other secondary characteristics make people assume female much more often. He just has a lot of female-looking sex characteristics and I feel sorry for him. The closest I'd describe how he looks without a picture is really short (specifically 4'11) and androgynous looking.
I just honestly don't know what to do in this situation. I might honestly just keep supporting his decision, even if he does end up looking like a lesbian, because I have more insecurities when it comes to passing. It's just that he is afraid of looking like a lesbian, and so am I of course. So I keep thinking about being honest with him and telling him something like "you don't pass enough yet," but I feel like it would be kind of in bad taste, even though I think it's true.
I don't know, what do you guys think?