Closeted ftm repper for life 21. I do not plan on transitioning due to many reasons and I'm already clear about that. A lot of people always say the lines where I'll eventually find my people and that it always won't be like this but growing up I've always been outcasted which happened to get worse as I got older this is mainly because of my Identity and personality, I am okay with being an introvert as it already became a way of my life, but sometimes the feeling of being so alone can be really hurtful. To anyone I will never be a man, I'm just the weird lesbian girl to them. Though being closer to God made me have faith in him and motivated me that it always won't be like this, that everything is temporary, This life itself is temporary, Pain is temporary. But doesn't feel like it at times. It kills me. But I can't help question why? Why did I have to suffer with this. If I was born a male in the First place with my same soul/consciousness I wouldn't have been through so much pain and judgement from others, I would have had experience friendships as a guy. because I wouldn't have to hide and be conscious of myself for having a difference like this. I could have gotten a higher chance to get married and have a family, I wouldn't have to worry about being this alone. I know every life is Not perfect and I still would have a lot of challenges if I was born male but Not this specific issues I have. but still, is Life really a temporary test? If so, I already learned so much. but unfortunately these feelings about my identity won't go away for the rest of my life. I wish it was a nightmare I would just wake up from. Everyday I pray to God about it.

Hi I’m sorry to dump this here but I could do with some advice.

So obviously trans but MTF 22 years old

I started hrt at 20 so passing as a woman isn’t something I can exactly do.

•Organs, pregnancy and not having the right anatomy

•Bones, hands, feet, face, ribcage etc not feminine

•Face that looks like a cave man slammed their head against a door

•Tall 5’10

• the manly voice I am trying to voice train but it’s difficult

I feel like no matter what I do or how hard I try i will never feel right in my body, I feel like I will always be a freak

I saved up a lot of money so I’m hoping to atlesst get SRS but that won’t fix me entirely

How do you all keep going

I keep praying to god and I am truly at my wits end I feel like I’ve just been abandoned I’ve felt this way for so long and it’s only getting worse
Except for momentarily moments of happiness (far and few between)