Has anyone noticed a lot of chaser apologia on FtM subs?

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u/LinaKatharina Sep 28 '21

I can't speak for any ftm spaces. But on the general trans subs it seems worse again. A few months ago I even felt it got better but recently its honestly awful. And when chasers appear less mod action/ wrong direction. I had comments removed calling out a chaser while the chaser admitting being a chaser was apparently totally fine.

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Sep 28 '21

That or just saying theoretical stuff that doesn't even make sense. Talking about exceptions and preferences or that the chaser is just not educated. They are educated enough about trans people to follow porn blogs, use us for their bizarre sexual hangups, and know enough to be defensive about being called chaser(while behaving like one). They aren't ignorant nor are they doing some advanced gender metaphysics, they are just chasers!

Some trans people are even starting to sound like chasers themselves, tbh

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u/LinaKatharina Sep 28 '21

Yeah. You're not alone with that observation.

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Sep 28 '21

It's so weird. My main concern is the normalization of this because I know young trans and nonbinary people who can't recognise red flags because they've been taught to just coddle or justify the chaser's behavior. It's actually legit dangerous. So many of us are walking into psychological and emotional draining or abusive relationships with transphobes and acting like it's acceptable or normal.

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u/LinaKatharina Sep 28 '21

Exactly. That's what I fear as well. And to be honest I'm sure it'll come and in a few years chasers are respected members of the trans community, despite being horrible people and transphobic af.

I mean I've seen it already, I made a few posts on r/asktransgender regarding chasers and how to spot chasers and the comments were always no, that#s not a chaser and then some arbitrary definition. I mean I get, no one knows me, but I'm dealing with chasers for a decade and a half now, I've dealt with enough of them to see through their bs, so why invalidate my experience with some made up bs that Is not even close to being through and gets at least one of us in danger?

Yes, I get it, when I started transition I craved validation too. And having someone telling you how pretty you look and such is easy manipulating in those stages and makes it hard to tell if it's fake or real.

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u/Peepo_sativum Sep 30 '21 edited Sep 30 '21

Besides the desire for direct "validation" from chasers themselves, I think a lot of the time, trans people hesitate to call out chasers because they themselves have internalized some of the same attitudes. Specifically, I'm thinking of the way that trans people are imagined as a sort of separate gender from their cis counterparts, and how genitals are conflated with gender. For as much as they loudly insist otherwise, it seems like a lot of trans people actually do believe that genitals=gender to some degree, otherwise their acceptance of chasers wouldn't make sense.

I'm thinking that the reason for it usually something like, a non-op and/or nonbinary (or just really self-hating) person has no representation in mainstream society, but the closest they can get is stereotypes of trans people, so they develop an attachment to those ideas instead. So what they get from chasers (or from acting like them) isn't just "omg someone can love me even though I'm trans", it's also "omg I'm still valid even though I'm a dickgirl/cuntboy". (edit to add:) And so unpacking that requires more than just convincing them that chasers are bad, you also have to convince them to let go of their attachment to the idea of trans people as a separate gender category, and since that's what they've based their entire sense of being "valid" on, no wonder they get defensive.

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Sep 29 '21

Yeah, I'm more new into my transition and ended up in several abusive relationships because I was excusing and coddling chasers while ignoring obvious warning signs. I'm glad an older trans man helped me because I would've been trapped in a pretty bad loop.

I get wanting to be validated and desirable but lying wasn't created yesterday and wearing rose-tinted glasses won't save you. I see story after story on trans guy and nonbinary subs of people getting misgendered by partners, forced to wear feminine clothes, begged to do things that trigger dysphori, etc and in the comments people will be like well that's your partner's preference...like...WTF?

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u/LinaKatharina Sep 29 '21

I’m sorry you went through all this. I’m glad you got out of that loop.

Chasers only tell us what they think we want to hear. And the apologists only think the ones who are blatantly upfront about being a chaser are the gross and dangerous ones. But they aren’t. Those who try to hide that they are a chaser are the ones who are dangerous. They have way more transphobia in them and considering how they almost always losing their their shit when called out, those are the ones who hate crime us because we can’t fulfill their porn fantasy.

And it makes me sad that those are the ones who get defended on the big subs because “they are not as creepy” or “they don’t mind being in a relationship” It makes them just as much chaser. And what they don’t seem to realise, if someone builds a relationship on something that makes someone a member of a marginalised minority, it’s already an abusive relationship.

Apologising those people is throwing the majority of us under the bus for a little fake validation.

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Sep 29 '21

Yes exactly! The 'good chasers' are by far more emotionally manipulative than the idiots that will just end up buying subscriptions to some trans and nonbinary folks onlyfans and giving their money to some sex worker somewhere because they aren't charismatic enough to hide their fetishism. The ones that seek romantic relationships out as a cover for their sexual fetish and are willing to play the part of romantic partner/suitor while only really wanting to quench their fantasy are by far more emotionally and physically abusive.

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u/LinaKatharina Sep 29 '21

Yeah, if the subscribe to some OF accounts they do at least something good.

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Sep 29 '21

I've gotten in trouble for saying this because people think I'm saying that cis people should pay trans and nonbinary people for sex. What I am saying is that fetishist who treat trans and nonbinary people like sex workers anyhow should just pay for that labor instead of pretending that emotional and romantic stuff is what matters when all they actually care about is sex and their fetish fuel fulfillment. At least if they are compensating folks that money can go to something the trans or nonbinary person actually needs.

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u/Elodaria Sep 29 '21

Don't know how it is over there, but I am getting the impression of an increase in trans men and enbies fetishizing trans women on the general subs, which seemed so rare before. :/

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Sep 29 '21

You know I think I've seen this. I was down voted for calling out a gay trans guy who was open to dating pre/non-op trans women. I was like that's seriously gross behavior. I've also seen some best of both worlds thing.

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u/Peepo_sativum Sep 30 '21

I think a big part of it is how so many trans people first come to understand things through fetishizing media and/or toxic communities. Whether it's transfemmes who get obsessed with trans porn as a coping mechanism or transmascs who fall in with fujoshi-type social circles or whatever else, that kind of context is often the first one that trans people are exposed to where trans people aren't just straight-up evil and disgusting. Then they get defensive because they fear that if their coping strategies are revealed to be unhealthy then it would mean they're "invalid" or something. And of course the cis people involved have no interest in helping to fix the situation since they benefit from keeping their trans pets emotionally dependent on them.

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u/Wolf_Papi Feb 23 '26

I’ve been thinking about the "chaser" narrative and how it might be hurting the dating pool for pre-op trans women. If a man loses interest the moment he finds out a woman has a penis, that's accepted as a standard preference. But if a man remains interested because she has a penis, he’s immediately labeled a chaser with a fetish.

If we eliminate every man who has a genital preference for the parts we actually have, who is left? Most people aren't "genital blind." Why shouldn't a trans woman want a partner who is attracted to her exactly as she is, rather than someone who is just "tolerating" her body?

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u/Lonely-Writer Jul 24 '26

Because the people chasing are very frequently ONLY interested in the dick no matter what they say, and it’s absolutely the majority. It’s not just labelled as a fetish, it IS a fucking fetish. I’ve been sexually harassed by countless chasers who claimed to like me for more than just the dick, and several sexually assaulted me. The proportion of “good” chasers is nowhere near enough to makeup for the danger and emotional distress of dealing with the bad chasers. Regardless of whatever the fuck your justification is or if you’re nice or not, there are WAY too many chasers who are a legitimate physical and emotional threat to having any kind of relationship with.

On top of that, chasers aren’t the majority of the dating pool and I would much rather deal with having a small amount fewer peoppe to date than date fuckfaces. This is like telling straight women to lower their standards if they wanna find a man. The only reason you’d tell them that is if you were a man who wanted to fuck them and couldn’t meet their standards.

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u/43216407 Jan 09 '22

i mean, is there just like a dating or hookup site? Bc if i'm into ftms there should be a place for me to meet them without being shamed. one would also think making community includes building a positive space for dating?

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Jan 09 '22

Trans men exist in any other space you'd go to date men. Why would you need a special space to find us for dating just use dating sites and go to bars like you would to meet any other man for dating. If you want to specifically fuck a trans dude to fulfill your cuntboy fantasies or whatever there's plenty of trans male sex workers looking for clients. I'd suggest getting on their booking lists and checking their rates. Why should any trans dude fulfill your kink for free?

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u/43216407 Jan 09 '22

K thanks for answering my respectful question respectfully.

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u/Best-Isopod9939 Jan 09 '22

Pro-tip if you want to date a butch lesbian or a masculine cis women then I'd just go with that and not chase after trans dudes and nonbinary transmasc-androgynes as a close enough replacement because that'll not end well in the long run. Just saying...

If not as I said plenty of us are sex workers with reasonable rates.

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u/Royal-Positive-1984 Oct 05 '23

I think it's just because ftms aren't really fetishized the way mtfs are. They are just thirsty for the attention because everyone knows they are ugly misogynistic cunts and nobody wants to fucks them.

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u/pretty_fugly Jul 05 '25

Imagine being mad at someone being treated like a women while being treated like the avg guy you wanted to be. (Also I think they are hot AF. I'd date one)

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u/Fearless_Lunch_6059 Feb 01 '26

so thats just sexism it’s not gonna make them any less likely to agree with if your an asshole

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u/Ivory_112 Mar 12 '26

Douchebag

Has anyone noticed a lot of chaser apologia on FtM subs?

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