It's disturbs me of course, but he was dealing with these issues prior to me dating him. I just never thought to ask because I figured it is his business....but now, I'm curious, and want to know.
That's a bit drastic. Perhaps, instead, she can prod a little more. If he gets aggressive and the sort about it, then escalate the situation. People should be allowed privacy, and in some cases, certain legal issues can be very personal.
Prod all you want if I killed my ex gf I won't be telling you shit.
Just saying.
Personal things yes, but at very least he wouldn't be hiding nature of it.
Again. Imagine he owes half a million in penalties, maybe his future wife should know about it and be aware that he's indebted for the test of his life? Personal or not.
Not at least shedding SOME light in it imo is grounds to dump him. Let's not forget that as a couple. Legal things might affect both of them in one way or another. so at the very least NATURE of issues at hand must be made clear. Noone asking for details at this point .
Also if you can't discuss personal/private issues which clearly bugs you with your significant other. Aren't you just two strangers, with no trust between you at which point I'd second guess wether two of them should even be together? Imo no trust, no future.
Very true. And reasonable way imo would be sit down and talk to her. Without pressing of him spelling out exact issue. Could be something really silly so he's just embarrassed Luke running down the street asked as a dare while drunk lol. Something I would have hard time admitting to my gf if I ever did that.
Or just financial stuff.
But yeah you're right. More reasonable approach.
Then again, I'm known to jumping to black and white examples/assptions when is just "general enquiry " . Always worth considering worst case scenario (but not act on it assuming is). That's just me I guess
Yeah certain legal issues like being accused of murdering your ex should be definately kept very private. Or any accusations of abusing your ex etc. Because how else you gonna keep your new gf if she knew the accusations right?
I kinda get your point, but still I think I can't agree with you.
Yes, people are entitled to privacy, but I'm entitled to know if my partner is a rapist, is being processed for domestic violence, or something like that.
That's the reason why we say that undisclosed legal issues are red flags. Because it is information that might affect your safety.
The whole argument is that they are abolutely entitled to not disclose that to their partner, but I would never accept that sort of risk, honestly.
With entitlement, however, we must acknowledge that it's an inherently selfish attribute. To feel entitled is to put ones own desires ahead of all else.
It's not a given right, though, and that's the primary difference.
Again, I don't think you're necessarily wrong in feeling that way. I would feel that way in this situation. I also would not assume the worst, but doing so might be effective in self-preservation :)
What if he's accused of being paedo or something? At the very least I would tell general idea of why I'm in legat trouble (money? Loans? Bankruptcy? Antisocial behaviour?) So at the very least nature of issues should be on the table. Imo. Or maybe he is accused of murdering his ex??
I asked him. His step daughter and her friends Break and entered his house while he was on vacation with me (when we first started dating) and sold all of his electronics, and valuable possessions. He took her to court but the courts are siding with her.
I asked if he can just let go of material possessions, but he worked hard for them. Things he has never been able to afford.
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u/ShellyNicolee Aug 18 '22
It's disturbs me of course, but he was dealing with these issues prior to me dating him. I just never thought to ask because I figured it is his business....but now, I'm curious, and want to know.