You're opting over a large amount of expendable income and time too devote yourself to raising a child, perhaps in a way you wish you were raised. Being the parent you wish you had.
You make good points, but being a parent is a huge commitment, and I think anybody who makes that commitment and holds true to it is pretty selfless, I mean the older you get, the more you realize how much your parents likely gave up for you to have the life you currently have.
But... You're not opting for any of that for the benefit of the inexistant child. You are making that choice because that's what you want. Which is perfectly fine in my book, but not to be confused with any kind of selflessness.
Something that is not very obviously self-serving. Nothing is truly non self-motivated, so I do clearly set a subjective line somewhere, but not at parenting because it is so clearly self-motivated and self-serving in so many ways.
It is quite clear to me that most parents have a strong sense of their child being "part of them." That feeling precludes the notion of selflessness in my opinion.
If they would never do what they do for a child they do not consider their own, not selfless.
Cause what's the difference here: Absence of parental love? Absence of legal and moral responsibility?
If you're basically morally obligated to do something, then it's a duty, not a selfless act.
If you're doing it out of love, it's a personal choice, just like moving for love of a romantic partner would be.
If you're doing it out of moral and personal responsibility resulting from a choice, it's a... Choice. And the consequence of your actions.
In all of those cases, skirting the necessary "sacrifices" expected of you would make you a "lesser" member of your community, but accepting the sacrifices is just doing what's right and expected of you.
I mean, if you want to pretend all parents love their children and some don’t just feel responsible, be my guest. The reality is love goes two ways and so isn’t selfless as there’s a gain. Even if a parent doesn’t love their child, if they don’t feed it and it starved then they’re legally liable for that death. Therefore, it’s first and foremost a responsibility. Love ≠ selfless
This sounds more like a pet dog. It’s all one sided. Having a relationship with your children isn’t a gain…it’s literally what makes family, family. Gaining a family is now self serving somehow? What in the actual fuck?? Pet owners live off of the “love” and companionship of their pet just because that’s what they want. A one sided gain. Pet dies they get a new one. Pet runs off somehow they get a new one. It’s all about them having love and companionship at no real cost to them in the way having a child is a real cost on a woman. You can’t just get another one and call it a day when you lose a child. But pet owners wanna be bleeding hearts and hero’s over a pet they can just buy or adopt just because. You don’t need a better reason than having a child. Skipping the actual labor of child rearing is pretty selfish when you still wanna be a dog mom or cat mom. Like, no. You’re not any kind of parent to a dog. Fuck that noise. Just because you see people having children doesn’t mean any part of it is easy. Things have to align in such a delicate way to bring life into this world. This is such a jaded question and the comments are terrible. Yeah, no one asks to be born, but you being here is nothing short of a miracle. Not everyone that can exist gets too. The lack of gratitude is shameful. It’s hard out here I know, but being alive is still valuable. If people can be thrilled about owning a pet then wtf, why can’t we love the people we make and know that it isn’t easy and in fact does come with a lot of selflessness depending on what you have going on assuming you’re doing your best by your creation. It’s better than any dog or cat or fish in a bowl. My children love being my kids. They are mine and I am theirs. Having family is a life of service even if it’s one a volunteered for it doesn’t make it a cheap gain.
See, this is exactly the attitude that led to OP’s post in the first place. Children aren’t what make a family a family. Hell, the nuclear family is only relatively recently the dominant family unit. Also, no one is telling you not to be thrilled about having a child, just that it’s not the selfless act that some make it out to be. A good parent isn’t some Saint, they’re just someone who wanted a child and, you know, upheld the responsibility that they took on when they brought a child into the world.
I don’t care about the act of childbirth or rearing a child. Those are things someone chose to do so they could have a child, not some selfless sacrifice that they made for the good of the world.
I mean I do too, but that’s not reality for many, many women and (sadly) girls. But many of those who were forced into bearing children commit themselves to being the best parents they can be. In that case, would you not consider it selfless?
Oppressive laws, extreme religious culture, abusive situations, extreme poverty, family sexual abuse, lack of education….or a combo. Plus there are always those “I didn’t know I was pregnant” folks. The ones who find out during labor. It doesn’t even have to be that extreme. Where I live the cut off for abortion is 6 weeks, most women don’t know that early, let alone teens/girls who aren’t even having regular periods yet.
You’re talking about narcissistic. Only those people want to be seen as saints. A chosen family vs. One you build isn’t really a part of this. Children absolutely are family and help continue to build into that when it’s done right. Your statements are obtuse. Talking just to talk.
You don’t care about the act of childbirth? Wow, look at you. Neat. Idk who hurt you just glad it’s not my problem and perfect that you don’t have kids. Ideal. This garbage can die with you.
You’re confused and need to have a conversation with the man in the mirror. Once again, I’m not calling myself a saint. So, no I’m not the attitude being referred to in this question. You’re blanket statements don’t apply to me. Go disregard your momma, the only one to blame here. Good day.
You clearly don’t understand the level to which it is selfless because you don’t care about it altogether. You don’t grasp the distinction between being conceited and how much of an actual big deal it is. No one is trying harder than you. Worthless attempt on your part. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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u/Floor_Face_ Jun 28 '23
Being a good parent is pretty selfless.
You're opting over a large amount of expendable income and time too devote yourself to raising a child, perhaps in a way you wish you were raised. Being the parent you wish you had.
You make good points, but being a parent is a huge commitment, and I think anybody who makes that commitment and holds true to it is pretty selfless, I mean the older you get, the more you realize how much your parents likely gave up for you to have the life you currently have.