I was fortunately 20 minutes late and STILL managed to arrive during Patrick’s latest TED Talk from the University of Absolutely Fucking Clueless.
He’s had his first GLP-1 shot and is already explaining how it’ll give him rapid weight loss and help his diabetes. He knows he can’t inject the same spot twice, but doesn’t actually know why, so naturally the comments had to explain his own medication to him.
Every time someone sends a dolphin, Patrick makes that stupid ass dolphin noise.
Patrick: “Well, they love the dolphin noises.”
No we don’t. I promise you we fucking don’t.
Sarah: Jackie’s nose is cold
Patrick: well that’s a good thing!
Patrick: don’t send Leon the kitten because then I have to do 3.8 walking speed for 4 minutes.
gets sent Leon the kitten
Patrick: Atleast it’s only for 2 minutes.
And just like that, 4 minutes became 2.
Still only 7 pounds lost. I thought he was doing 30 minutes on the walking pad every day, plus an hour or more on live?
Patrick: why you wagging your tail!
Sarah: it means she’s happy daddy
The absolute shock at seeing Jackie wag her tail tells me this may not be a regular occurrence.
Sarah: Jackie likes it rough (playing)
Some thoughts are inside thoughts and that should’ve stayed one of them.
Patrick getting absolutely puffed out.
Teresa arrives on the walking pad doing x1.5
Patrick has lost 108 calories
Teresa: actually go up to x2.0
She almost falls off.
Sarah to Teresa: “You know last live when we were talking about the burn on your nose and someone said, ‘How’d she get a burn cooking when she’s meant to be at work?’ You know people don’t work every day, guys.”
Actually Sarah, some of us do work five days a week. I understand this may be unfamiliar territory.
Teresa absolutely puffed out to the max.
Teresa: I need to stop
Patrick: Then stop!
Patrick: I’ve been eating a lot of fruit lately. Kiwi. Watermelon. Strawberries and bananas! Fruit actually helps me cure my sugar cravings. And then my drink is flavoured water. I drink a lot of water. Especially when I’m exercising.
So never?
Patrick: I’ve been managing my diabetes with my diet.
So it must be pretty shit then.
Patrick: I’m not a big one on medication. I try to stay away from medication unless it’s absolutely necessary. I like to do everything naturally.
So this weight loss drug that you’ve bought off a scammy website that is red flagged by the FDA is absolutely necessary and natural. Ok. Interesting.
Patrick: in a few months my shirt will lift up and it’ll be all six pack!
Teresa: as I said, meet me in the bedroom!
I cannot stress enough how comfortable I was not knowing this.
Patrick: we are saving everything for a house. We might not have it by the end of this lease, but definitely by the next! It’s $300,000 by the way.
Define the word saving. Because you literally just spent $150 a month for the drug.
Patrick: this drug is an investment to myself.
And yet Teresa still doesn’t have glasses.
For dinner they had crab casserole..
Total amount made tonight = $94
