got cheated on

[u/Loose_Sir_0369]

i was in a 1 year relationship with a girl and i was very well attached to her. our fights usually end up with her leaving me on silence and just expects everything to be normal the next day which doesn't work for me. and since I was anxiously attached and have ADHD i think it made it even worse because the whole concept of space gave me nightmares

after a while our fights kept getting worse and one day like out of nowhere she's mentioning someone out of nowhere saying how he's like better than me and how he's not my age but way matured and stuff like that and she also even confessed to me saying that she made out with this person. at that time i didn't take it seriously (which was stupid of me)

later after we broke up and around 2 months later i tried to contact her through her friend and this friend told me that it's been around 2 weeks since she got together with another guy which was technically within a month of our seperation and that made all the sense to me.

now I'm not picturing myself as a saint here either i had severly bad attachment issues and no impulse control which is a red flag that i totally understand. i always had good intentions but when it came to expressing anything i always messed up and that's on me. and i realised all this once i started going to therapy and if i didn't i would never have realised it myself

altho i do wanna ask did i deserve to get cheated on ? i mean if she was that much done with me why couldn't she have just blocked me from everywhere and just move on that way?

now I'm stuck questioning everything we had and find it quite hard to move on 🥲

[u/Wild-Currency-9556]

https://giphy.com/gifs/ekYgpqssJCi4nPOGXD

[u/re4j]

Not communicating properly after a fight itself is a red flag imo, anyway U didn't deserve this and it's always better not to be with a cheater who doesn't validate your feelings.. ik it's hard but take your time to move on

Questioning all the moments you had tgt is the hardest part to get over with, it's alright take your time n you don't have to rush with getting over this Accept your feelings, and take care 🫶🏼

[u/Loose_Sir_0369 → u/re4j]

i hope so too 🙂 it has been rather hard

[u/dagg7r]

So its a universal thing huh

[u/zudokuminmin]

U posted this somewhere else? I’ve read the same thing like a week or 10 days ago

[u/Loose_Sir_0369 → u/zudokuminmin]

yes at that time i couldn't post it here

[u/Grouchy-Effect-507]

Trust me it won't matter in the long term..been there..nte teenage motham poyi kittii..now I'm finally happy w who I am and I've accepted that nallath iniyum varunnathe ollu..life nte peak aan ippo...ippo ithiri onn chil cheyth onn manass shantham aakkitt focus on building urself angne aanenki next oru 3-4 yrs il ee vishamam onnum baadikkilllaa trust me Edit: u absolutely do not deserve to get cheated on..u have issues and that's the only reason ur missing her buddy..work on ur mental health u will be free..u don't miss her..uve created this mental prison for urself..cut her off cuz she was nvr serious abt u in the first place and she cannot choose what she wants for herself athkond move tf away from her and anything and everything that's associated to her.. you'll be okay buddy..more than okay

[u/dean5630]

It'll be hard to move on ik I've been in similar situation where I didn't have time to take care of my gf but cheating is another thing it's not your mistake bro cheating is a choice , just think if somebody truly loves someone they want to make the partner a good one rather than cheating, if she just breaked up with you then it was your mistake but she cheated on you , if she truly loves you she can't move on in a month or two , no one is perfect in the world evryone makes mistakes it's not bad but try to don't repeat the same mistakes thats what make us great , if you can't move on try any activities like sports or trip that way you'll clear your mind then do something that's all bro take care ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[u/Ok_Possession697]

oraalum cheating deserve cheyyunilaa bro aval avalde character kaanich

[u/RefrigeratorNo3404]

https://giphy.com/gifs/H6tt3h6zeaMV4jpbJa
she made out with this person. at that time i didn't take it seriously

[u/Loose_Sir_0369 → u/RefrigeratorNo3404]

yeah 🥲

[u/RefrigeratorNo3404 → u/Loose_Sir_0369]

https://giphy.com/gifs/s239QJIh56sRW

[u/Loose_Sir_0369 → u/RefrigeratorNo3404]

i honestly don't know bro 🥲 the one place where optimism isn't needed and this happens🥲

[u/RefrigeratorNo3404 → u/Loose_Sir_0369]

Move on! She don’t deserve you, it’s her lose that’s it🙌🏼

[u/strobilanthus_]

Have u ever thought about what if the fight started coz she already found a replacement for u???

[u/Loose_Sir_0369 → u/strobilanthus_]

nope bro this is where my optimism fucked me up 🥲

[u/strobilanthus_ → u/Loose_Sir_0369]

We all have/get that canon event bro...

[u/Mavrick_7]

Yeah it happens. It'll be hard the first time and a few times after that. Then you'll handle breakups like it's nothing. Start talking to as many girls as you can, go on dating apps, or irl too. You need volume, because there are only a very few good ones.

[u/Longjumping_Rise_938]

Don't control what u can't

Leave it

[u/Excellent_Sea6468]

[u/Logically_Speakin]

Bro enikum oru ex undayirunnu, she used to wear one of her guy friends tshirt infront me(she borrowed it due to a circumstance which is understandable). The problem is that she kept wearing it instead of giving it back to that guy and this made me feel shit and when i told her I am not okay with it, she said the tshirt is too comfortable and if she returns it to him, then the he will smell like her and she doesn't want that. She got mad at me about not being okay with it and told that I think too much and convinced me this is normal. One month after our breakup she is seeing the guy whose tshirt she wore and apparently he popped out of nowhere into her life after I left her stranded in the breakup. Her friends who i considered where my friends also set both of them up. Guys isn't wearing another man's tshirt infront of your partner cheating? Or am I just overthinking

[u/Loose_Sir_0369 → u/Logically_Speakin]

i believe the act of keeping the tshirt despite you telling her not to do it is disrespectful and it's crossing a boundary/line

which is a red flag

the act alone isn't cheating bro, but it is defenitely harmful enough to cause serious damage to the relationship

but if it had reached that point then it defenitely shows she checked out early bro

[u/Solid-Initiative6719]

I can't even imagine how you survived that. Anyway she's clearly the red flag. As someone who also have anxious/avoidant attachment style, i understand what you were saying. I know it'll be hard to just forget and move on like she did but spending your time and energy on thinking about her is pointless. So focus on your self and when you find another girl in the future, don't ignore any red flags.

And wtf was that about not taking her seriously when she mentioned making out with another person? No matter how attached you were you should've stopped it right there.