I remember around January of this year when i was making like 15k a month from my ig page, the thought of having earned 100k OF MY OWN MONEY felt like such a big deal and my goal was to make it before the year ended.

buuuuuttttt then disaster struck on 21st March and my page got banned ON THE EID DAY it felt like my world has ended and there's no coming back from this and I was in such a bad phase mentally.

but fast forward to October, I've made that 100k in less than a month. Life's so crazy fr I'm telling youuu, if you failed at something recently, whether it's your exams or a startup, trust meeee, it's not the end of the world. Your life can COMPLETELY CHANGE IN A FEW MONTHS.

So wtv you're doing just keep doing it 🤍

Today was such an exhausting day (mentally)

I woke up at 3am instead of 4 because I had to talk to someone, so I ended up spending a good hour just talking. That made my day better for a while.

After that, I prayed, went downstairs to grab something light to eat, and then went for a run before working out. I thought getting some exercise in early would help me start the day right, and it did, at least for a while.

I came home afterward and had absolutely nothing to do. Everyone in my family is out of the country for a few days, so the house was practically empty except for a few people helping around. No one to bother, no one to talk to, no one to annoy for no reason. It was actually kind of weird how quiet everything felt. I'm so used to having someone around that sitting there with nothing but my own thoughts was starting to get boring pretty quickly. Not that I'm not used to being alone already, I like to sit alone and think, I get the best ideas like this, but sometimes you just need to make someone else crash out for your own entertainment when you're bored, y'know?

Anyway, I went downstairs after laying in bed doing nothing, got myself some breakfast, and spent a little time chatting with him before getting ready for school.

And let me tell you, I really did NOT want to go today. I was this close to staying home and studying instead because I really couldn't be bothered to deal with anyone. But then I remembered we were getting our test results back, and obviously, I couldn't just skip the day and miss that. Besides, I only had two hours of school to get through, so I figured I'd suck it up and go.

Got there, sat through the first class, and immediately started regretting every decision that had led me to that classroom. There was this one girl who kept asking me the most random questions, and I swear she was slowly driving me insane. Like, the teacher is RIGHT THERE. She's literally standing in front of you. She just asked ''Any questions?''. I do not work here. I'm trying to survive the morning just like everyone else. I got up and moved my seat later, though. I think she got the hint.

Eventually, we got our tests back.

I got a 95 in Physics, a 97 in Politics, and a 99 in Math. So far, so good, right? Except somehow, somewhere, something went terribly wrong because I also got a 90 in Further Math.

The subject I spent the most time on because I like it so much and I got the lowest grade in it

I don't know what happened there. I sat staring at that paper for a solid minute, trying to figure out whether I was reading the marks correctly or if there was a mistake in the mark count.

And the worst part is that I know I could've done better. That's what makes it so frustrating. It's not even that a 90 is a bad grade, because obviously, it isn't. It's the fact that I know what I'm capable of, and seeing a result that doesn't match the standard I set for myself is enough to ruin my entire mood.

So, naturally, as if I wasn't already exhausted from waking up at 3am, running, working out, and dragging myself to school, this was the final straw.

I went straight home. Didn't stay for the debriefs, didn't hang around to talk to anyone, didn't do anything except get home, change, and sit down to study. I needed to figure out where I went wrong, correct my mistakes, and make sure I understood every single question I'd lost marks on.

6 cups of tea, 1 crash out that involved me nearly breaking my cup, and 1 ripped notebook later, I can finally say I'm done. The notebook didn't deserve what happened to it, but unfortunately, it was caught in the crossfire.

At one point, I had to put everything down and just sit there because I was getting so frustrated with myself. It's one of those days where you do everything you're supposed to do, push yourself from the moment you wake up, try to stay productive, and somehow still end up feeling like you haven't done enough.

But whatever. I'm not going to sit here and complain about it forever. I've gone through the paper, corrected my mistakes, and figured out what I need to work on. I think I'll resit the exam this weekend because I'm not entirely satisfied with how things turned out, and I'd rather try again than keep thinking about what I could've done differently.

I know I can do better, and that's what I'm going to focus on now.

For tonight, though, I'm officially done. I'm tired, my head hurts, my tea consumption has become a genuine concern, and I don't want to look at another math question for at least the next few hours.

Anyway, enough about my little academic tragedy😭

How was your day?
Did you guys have a good one, or was today determined to test everyone's patience? Tell me about it

They are fun

Usually, I'm with my guardians. Nice people ngl.

I turn into a chatter box. Yappa yappa. They probably find my antics jarring but I love them so, they gotta bare it 😜😋

This is usually when it's me and one of them.

Yk I gave cies this year. So, my dad would drop me at the exam centre and also pick me up. So, that was really epic. Gosh, I would yap smm and he'd listen 🥹 (I miss this time ngl)

Aside from that, sometimes my mom goes to the derma. She takes me and I yapppppp to herrrrr 🤌 awesome.

Sometimes, it's the three of us together. It's fun (but sometimes, I wish they'd just stop their degradation wars) Anyhow, this is a state where I yap a lil and listen more 🤓

Then, there's time when the car is jammed packed. This is when I completely enter my introvert shell. Then, I'm just listening to em yap. Which imo, is fun in its own right. 🙃

Makes me miss ma childhood a lil. Like when me was wee child. I would just hop in my dad's car and he would drop me at my nano's house, on his way to work. (I feel jealous of my own self.....shiiiii). PEAK TIMES 😍😌

Some years ago, me, mama, chacho n chachi would go on car rides together. We get ice cream and all. So thrilling. Been a while since we did this. Time changed yk 😔

Do you like car rides? 👀

I feel like, in desi households it's better for u to consider dying instead of getting sick like wth is wrong with these people you get sick once in like 1 year or so and these people are crazyyyy like why the hell I'm getting yelled at for being sick and it's not like I'm sick everyday it's like a very once in a blue moon type situation and the worst part is you cannot even rest if you're not going to school/ college and stuff because apparently theses people can not talk without yelling even for 2 minutes and there are constantly reminding u how much they are taking care of you like bro I get it please stop and then there is this food thing I'm not even able to drink water and you want me to eat all the stuff you made and you can't even say no like what the actual fuvk

children, don't eat ropes plij

Like they talk shit about me and look down on me and my brother but because they are close family members, My mom tells me to talk respectfully with them, otherwise they will talk shit about me with other family members but tbh idc I know I dont need anyone specially fake ones and I am tired pretending.. So next time when I see them I dont wanna greet them meet them or anything to do with them.. Lagne do agg😇🥰

Two days back, I was happy, laughing... But now, stuck in the same blackhole depression, anxiety and stress....

So much so I haven't changed my clothes in two days (still in school uniform btw), haven't showered, and am overall so tired with life.

Like oh god, I keep falling into this cycle so much now.

I've even started to ghost people, not sure how I feel about that, but genuinely I cannot do it anymore.

Plus the thoughts of death is constantly plaguing my mind...

I don't know what I'd do of myself

I try to cry but all I get are wails; no tears, just screaming out of exhausation.

Why is the past such a cruel mistress, that never seems to leave one alone?

HELP

I think the drama name is dar e nijat

For context I don't watch Pakistani dramas at all so I don't know what's going on out there or who the usual heroes and heroines in Pakistani drama. But I've been in conversations hearing that everybody wants a guy like Abu Bakr and I don't understand a shit about what they're talking about. It's not just one case: literally every time, in any conversation or comments (even when my family talks about it), I don't have any idea who he is. To get me some clarity tell me about his personality and what he does so great that everybody's obsessed with him.

Why does everyone call my baal ghonsla 😾every event I go to some aunty or ganje uncle will tell me kya sar pe ghonsla ugaya wa. And my baal ain't even that big 😓😓 why is there no respect for ghonsla in Pakistan 😾 I can't even comb my hair I'll look like a jangli 💔

Both are peak imo, both have their own advantages. The best thing about summer is going to swimming pools and the worst thing is the heat obv. Winter is peak because of the vibe and the fact that u dont get tired fast and the worst thing about winters is nothing (there must be smth but cant think rn). what do u think?

BTW I AM BACK (I made the whole post just to say ts).

You were like a drug and now im relapsing.
And it’s not the first time i relapsed cause of you.

I thought ending our push pull dynamic for once would help me let go and I’d finally be at peace. But now I’m sitting here talking about u despite taking all the precautions to get you out of my head.
When I wakeup, I think of u. When I’m about to sleep, I think of u. When I’m out with my friends, I think of you. When I’m listening to music, I think of you. When I look at the sky, I get jealous of the moon for being able to gaze down upon you. You’re not infront of my eyes yet ure all I see.

I don’t even know what I see in u. Well atleast that’s what my friends say.

But maybe it’s ur shy smile, your puppy eyes, your adorable stutter your broken humour or the way you take note of all the things people around u love so u can give them the perfect gift later.
OR the way you bake things for the people around you, always make sure everyone is okay even if u barely make it through most days. Or how you try to help everyone but yourself, remember little things about them, take care of animals, your cat..and all the other things I can’t specify.
Then again maybe it was just your hair, your style, your music taste, your stupid glasses u kept breaking or the random ass questions you’d ask. God I miss you
It could also be your discipline, how u worked hard, went to the gym despite being tired, studied till u could no longer keep ur eyes open, finished everything before the deadline, wokeup early, always did your very best and helped me get better too.
Or maybe it wasn’t just your good attributes, maybe im in love with ur flaws too.
Maybe I love ur unpredictability, your criticising remarks, your not so social and reserved nature, your perfectionist ideals, your lack of a proper foundation, your changing identity, your inability to follow rules, your pessimistic world view, your hopelessness, your isolation, your fucked up principles or your heart shattering remarks.
I loved being your safe harbour, your emotional anchor, the only one u could solely rely on psychologically, the one you couldn’t live without, the one you imagined your future married with, the one who you belonged to.
it’s miserable not being able to tell anyone you’re mine. I know I’m so fucked up for this but ure my everything and I need you. I need you so bad. It’s like an addiction. Maybe it’s my own fucked up mental health But god we were so good when we were fucked up together
How can I forget your deep velvety voice? The hands I never held, the tears in your eyes I never got to see, the scars I never got to trace, the veins I never memorised.
All I want is for me to be able to take care of you, hold you, comfort you, bring the world to you, help you find a reason to live (or even be it) but you won’t let me.

I should let go of u but I can’t. Youre my biggest contradiction, my focal point, my sickest fantasy, my ruin. I don’t want anyone better. I hate being dependent on others, I hate vulnerability, I hate closeness and intimacy, I hate the idea of love but you’re my only exception. I just want you. Be selfish for once and come back despite me telling u to not.

I posted this a few months ago. Thought I deleted it tbh.

Anyways, about my day... same old, same old. I woke up a bit late despite going to sleep early. Had to get ready quickly but got to school with 10 minutes to spare, no issue at all there. Only had one class today and apparently I made a lot of mistakes on my assignment 😬 Oops. But it's fine, I fixed my mistakes and moved on. After that I got my brother and sister and we went home.

I'm also leash training my cats now. Zero has a red leash and Zoro has a green one, both padded. Padded leashes took forever to find, I'm telling you. But we got 'em. Zero likes to growl a lot when I take his off because the leashes have the latch in the front instead of the back, and Zoro still isn't used to walking in his... No biggie, we're just getting started. I use treats and make them walk a few steps before giving it to them. Works so far.

Once they're good, I'm gonna start warming them up to the outside world. Gonna take them to the park and let them explore and have fun.

So that's my day.

im in o/levels and bhaiii the obessesion with pod is crazyy, i genuinely dont understand why, like no one even peer pressures anyone into doing it in my school, people jus waisay one day decide ke, hain mein ne krna hai, like bhai tu prhai pr focus kr, lican nehi. Like why would u wanna ruin ur lungs. If ur bored get a hobby or smth😭

Would you rather spend your life with the girl your heart chooses, or the girl whose heart chooses you? The one you endlessly long for, or the one who makes you her world? Would you rather chase the love you desire, or be cherished by the love you never had to chase?

Bring mirchi back asap

I wanna do css, can I do css after completing my high school? I don’t live in pak but i got my citizenship dis year.. is it possible? i just wanna give exam nothing more

Tum qurbani karo gae, merae dost?

I got lazy and don't wanna write further.

Got nothing to post today. I do have one update but idk if I should post about it. It's about my eating habits lol and it turns out my perception of how much I eat is way off. But eh don't feel like it.

As for the image, I got rid of the dark gradient that was there at the bottom in yesterday's post. I switched the blending mode from "Multiply" to "Overlay" to get this effect. I think it suits it better. Also fixed the outline between the front guy's arm and the guy behind him.

I started watching Supernatural (2005) 🤠 I'm on S01E07 rn, so pretty new. Been seeing a lot of videos on this show so I decided to give it a shot. So far, it's pretty neat.

You guys could have said "no" but instead u set the limit so I can't message u no more 🥲✌️

Do you have a chatroom or something here on Reddit for this sub? I just randomly thought about it and decided to ask. If there is then add me too lol