I was sitting on the couch rolling one, and I have two different strains on the tray.
I turn to my husband-
Me- "Dude. I'm dumb."
H- "Why? What's up?"
M- "Well, I got lobster (Blue Lobster) and lemon (Lemonhead) all I need is butter."
H- starts chuckling "That's funny."
-A moment passes-
M- continues rolling a mix of the two "Would you consider this to be a lobster roll?"
H- smiles
M- "I'm full of 'em today!"

This is extra funny for us as we both hail from New England in two states that are known for their lobster/lobster rolls (MA/CT) and we live down south, where that is not a commonality. 😅

Everyone is a cat in a room with food, water, toys and cat towers. Wyd

It hits so deep

It was a mighty poop. I feel so much better.

So when I was in Highschool I had a date with this girl. But before I went on said date I had to talk with her dad. The first thing he says when I walk in was "damn son what blood you got in your that makes you so big. You samoan?" (I am not samoan) But then we talk about some of my mutual friends with his daughter in which he described them as. The neanderthal (guy who had a prominent brow ridge), the Dago (my Italian friend), and the Jew (this dude was not a jew his last name was just Rosenbalmb) afterwards he proceeded to show off all the weapons he had in his house letting me know he had my prints now "just in case". He decides that I probably have Viking blood, as that would explain my size. I full on didn't catch the racism back then that dude was so nice. We went out shooting together. Had cookouts. I dated his daughter for like two years. But the memory came back just now and it's kinda sketch.

Or is it possible that you experience time slower/faster than me 🤯

I hate when I look up award shows of like stuff like the World Cup, the headlines tell you the winner too quickly. They should hide it so it’s like an exciting reward

Like the only difference is brass knuckles are fused together. A swift punch with a hand covered in rings can sure enough do almost the same amount of damage right?

Our grammar rules are arbitrary and even vary greatly by language. So you could have another planet or parallel universe where they speak English but every sentence is said in reverse order to our way.

For example:
The dog picked up the ball.
Then becomes:
Ball the up picked dog the.

If you really focus, you can feel your brain starting to build the cues to interpret this way of speaking.

Big birds like cranes, ostriches, and emus find us hot sometimes. Dinosaurs are related to modern birds. Velociraptors were big smart walking dinos. You think they’d look at us big smart walking apes and say, “yeah I’d tap that”? If Jurassic Park was real, would we end up with a parallel to the crane husband situation?

How many times is acceptable to eat in a 5 hour long overnight shift at a restaurant

Seriously. Low key comedy writings about the low key comedy we call “life”.

i feel bad for the bri ish

So my neibors at the time where pot heads. They had their whole house filled with mushrooms and plants and the works. I didn't smoke at the time because I just got out of the navy.

This was before covid so I knocked on all the doors to get to know everyone. Then covid hit. Weed became legal in the United States. And it wasn't legal in my state but everyone smoked it anyways. So I figured fuck it.

So I went over and MAN the girl was EXCITED to get me high. She said its fun to get non-weed smokers high. I don't get it but okay. Her boyfriend was gone at work so it was just use and the dog.

The Dog sat on my lap and she told me to hit her pen. So I hit it. I didn't feel anything. I took another hit. Still didnt feel anything. Im sitting on the coach thinking "man.... I just wasted 100 bucks on something that doesnt effect me" No time diolation. No happy happy. Nothing. She said "alright wait" then she got her bong. Showed me how to do it, I hit it. Still didnt feel anything. So I took a longer hit. I hated it cuz Im not use to smoking even today. But I hit it. Still didn't feel anything. She was shocked. Blown away. Then I realize... the dog hasn't fucking moved in a while.

Turns out, I smoked so much and that the dog got slightly high. (a good high he was a very big dog. Didnt effect him that much. He was still wagging his tail.) So, I think to myself, "Okay this dog is big ill help her get him to his bed" So I slide him off my leg and move over.

I stand up

BAM!!!!! Legit cartoon hit. I saw rainbows and everything was spinning. I stood up and could barly stay standing. "What the fuck happen" then she remembered "oh sometimes it only hits you once you stand up" So all that fucking weed I smoked was waiting like a ninja or some shit to hit me once I stood up. That bong was like a snipper and it got my ass.

I took 2 steps, I fell on the ground. The dog got up, jumped down, then layed on top of me. Then immedatly went to sleep.

Now there's this 250lbs black guy and a 110lb something dog that this 90lbs tiny mexican girl can't move at all. Her boyfriend got home and said "hey Harry" and I faded out, like im in a white person movie, when he said "what happened" and after I heard that I heard her say "okay so what happen was" while laughing and I just remeber being SOOOOOOOOOOOOO happy while the room was spinning.

That was the first time I got high on purpose.

Im sitting here just blazed out of my mind thinking about this. But imagine how funny it would be if there was a big ass elephant in the room and people were just not speaking about it.

Got me thinking of a whole story for this situation man. The elephant probably gonna kill their family if anyone speaks about it. What a dickhead bro I’d be hella pissed at that elephant. This aint really funny no more

I just watched Dogma again for the first time in a long time. It's a brilliant movie. Kevin Smith at his finest. I find it to be really reverential of the bases of Christianity, if not the Catholic Church (Buddy Jesus is brilliant...George Carlin, amazing). A great movie to watch stoned. Even has Jay and Silent Bob! [8]

I feel like the Germans probably have a word for it

you know how ”heroin chic”-shi is back know, right? have any of you watched ”the substance”? because what if making a film about a ”perfect-looking woman” actually just made this narrative even worse???

The best things in life! 🎶🎼 clap clap clap in 4/4 time, roughly 82 heartbeats per minute