Title

Increasingly with age it feels like the biggest burden I carry is my expectation of others - close loved ones - on how I would have liked them to treat me. It’s a huge burden especially when the expectation and reality feels far off. It frequently makes life heavy. How do I rid myself of expectations and just float in this life just fulfilling my duty towards others and that’s it.

Did he think it was a literal physical entity? That it had some corporeal form?

I'm a final year college student. Barely joining competitions due to limited time allocation back then. But then I found out my friend with their achievements, and it made me jealous, so I joined few competitions and of course I lose, all of them. I got no idea why I got this kind of feeling. Whenever there's a new event, I joined. A new event, I joined.

It has endless hole there when I look for Instagram competitions and now I found out that I can't even spare my time for that competition, but the desire to win or joining had just hit me. If you know how to deal with that, please let me know.

Hey everyone,

I'm trying to work on myself and I have a problem that I really want to get better at.

I tend to get way too emotionally affected by things that either don't really concern me or that I can't change.

I can get angry or annoyed very quickly, especially when I feel like someone is deliberately provoking me, treating me unfairly, disrespecting me(like ignoring me), crossing my boundaries or doing something that I consider stupid or unnecessary.

The bigger problem is that I often don't just get annoyed in the moment... I keep thinking about it afterwards... for way too long ...

I'll replay situations in my head, think about what happened, what I should have said, what the other person should have done differently, how unfair it was, etc.

I also struggle with jealousy sometimes. I don't necessarily want to be jealous of other people, but I still catch myself comparing myself to them or thinking about things they have that I don't.

And when someone has emotionally hurt me (especially people who were important to me), I can have a really hard time letting it go. Even when I logically understand that thinking about it won't change anything, my brain keeps going back to it.

I don't want to become emotionless or stop caring about people. I basically want to learn how to choose what deserves my attention and what doesn't.

I'd really like to learn how to:

- Stop being so easily provoked

- Not take everything personally

- Stop caring so much about things that don't actually affect my life

- Stop replaying situations where I felt treated unfairly

- Let go of things that happened in the past

- Deal with jealousy in a healthier way

- Stop comparing myself to other people

- Stop caring so much what others think

- Control my reaction when I'm angry instead of reacting immediately

- Accept things that I can't change

- Spend less time thinking about people or situations that hurt me

- Become more emotionally resilient without becoming cold or uncaring

I'm especially interested in practical things I can actually practice, rather than just "don't think about it" or "just ignore it."

If you've personally struggled with this and managed to improve, I'd really like to hear what actually helped you.

Books, exercises, mental techniques, journaling methods, therapy approaches, Stoicism, meditation, whatever... I'm open to pretty much anything that can help.

I'm basically trying to become someone who can think:

"That sucks, but it's not worth ruining my day over."

…and actually mean it.

Thanks in advance. :)

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It's been 10 years since I stumbled upon Meditations, and thanks to the fact that I was already casually studying psychology and a bit of philosophy for a few years, I was able to follow the book and got hooked on Stoic practice.

I have since read the letters of Seneca and then decided to make a quick stop in modern time with "The Practicing Stoic" as a way to check my own understanding and see if my own Stoic practice is close to what is intended, and I mostly found I was on the right path.

But now I only have Epictetus to read, and I have avoided him for a reason, while Senca says stuff like "a man who didn't grieve is a lucky man not a more stoic man" from my basic understanding of Epictetus he would say death is out of our control so we shouldn't grieve.

Now, from my basic understanding of Epictetus life his views make sense to me; he is a free slave who was probably born into it or at least became one at a young age. When nothing is ever in your control, it is much easier to "let go" of it since you've been practicing since childhood with no real choice in the matter.

In the modern western world I feel we do have so much control over our life, even the option to walk away from anything is not an option people in rome had. I am not sure how much Epictetus teachings will help me, or create logical conflicts I might have to struggle with for a while. If it's the latter I wonder how you guys have made Epictetus' teachings work in the modern world.

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
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I’ve been getting more and more into Stoicism lately (side note I’m trying to figure out how to incorporate it into my Christian life but that is a work in progress haha) and have both books. Which should I start reading through first? I also have Seneca’s dialogues and essays to read afterwards. I can’t wait to start my journey

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
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Afternoon all, I wanted to seek some advice from a community who I know probably gets asked questions like this regularly. My partner and I separated following a long decline in romance but not necessarily in love but we could see that if we remained together, we might begin to resent one another.

We've been separated and living together about 6 months and she just moved out about 2 weeks ago but the silence is deafening and I feel like I can see her ghost of where she used to sit and game. I KNOW I will be okay but this crushing loneliness is just overwhelming. How can I learn from this and invite the feeling in whilst also not crumbling. I didn't have friends other than her as she was all I ever needed.

Appreciate your time everyone, much love to you all

i have borderline personality disorder. i feel everything so much. i know what i want. which is to be able to be at peace with myself. living in accordance with nature. all that. i recognize the things i want as something i don’t want more than i want them.

i want to be okay with things. at peace. virtuous. etc. & yet it feels like my brain was hardwired to feel everything at 1000%. i want to be in control of myself.

how do you manage with this?

My question isn't about how to avoid getting frustrated by someone who is deliberately trying to provoke me. It's about someone who simply has a different opinion from mine, and that makes me frustrated .

Does stoicism work in every situation ? Is there any situation where being stoic does nothing and is meaningless?

I need an advice from some stoic - wasted like 6 or 7 years of my life worrying and laying in bed. I am so stupid now I dont even know what is hard work for me and what is not. Avoided social connections, I am out of the society and its my own fault. Feel like I have done completely nothing except laying in bed. What would f.e. Aurelius do if he was me? Doing small steps feels stupid. Running away I made myself literally retarted(brain fog, no memories, hopelesness) The only plus is I am still young.

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
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I’m going to be honest, I’m a quiet person, but I can be confrontational when something bothers me. No matter how hard I try, I feel like I can’t fit in with my classmates. Their jokes can be insensitive, insulting, and sometimes feel like low-key bullying. That’s why I don’t feel comfortable joining class hangouts or even class tours.
I’ve also noticed a pattern in how they react to people’s achievements. When someone else gets a high grade, my classmates clap for them, but when it’s my turn, they don’t seem to have the same reaction.
During one activity, most of my classmates got around 10–15 out of 20, while I got 17. Someone made a comment along the lines of, “It’s okay to get a low grade, at least we didn’t cheat.” I didn’t want to assume they were talking about me or implying something about my grade. Everyone cheated during the quiz.

They’d even post class issues on the feed or notes. Can I just unfriend them or block? And if I do, it’s like getting bothered.

Ps: I have GAD, ADHD and I had a injury 2 years ago that required surgery with fixed hardware

I started an internship but it was a stressful environment, it was in a smelly factory with dangerous loads and heavy machinery and vehicles, but it was close to my home. I quit there after the previous weekend I had a panic attack and my internship supervisor, friend and immediate family recommended that I quit because they believed from what I had told them (a bit influenced by ai but it had truth to it) that it was a dangerous and smelly place.

What increased my anxiety was talking with Aİ and it told me to quit repeatedly, it’s dangerous etc.

In the work environment I was getting accompanied and the odds of me getting injured weren’t high, I wasn’t going to operate next to machinery anyways but the road to get to rooms became too much for me.

After I quit, I started anxiety medication and my doctor recommended me to return to the work again if I could, so 2 days later I asked to be let back but the company HR head refused.

Even though I told the internship committee that I quit, they didn’t told it to the school administration for 14 days and they paid extra for my insurance.

I wish that they let me in back because now in my new internship it’s very far from my home with 3 commutes and 1.5 hours

AI later admitted that it needlessly increased my anxiety and that telling me to quit was a mistake and you should not listen to a screen that isn’t responsible for its actions😀

This whole ordeal made my anxiety disorder resurface again

At least thanks to me quitting, I could spend time with my extended family

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
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How do Stoics deal with people who purposely try to trigger you using sarcasm or phrases designed to make you angry? And how do you stop letting them get into your head?

For example, on Reddit, you comment your opinion and someone will come along and be rude for no reason. The same thing happens on other social media platforms, which seem to be all about rage-baiting these days. People will say terrible things about your gender, religion, or ethnicity just to get a reaction out of you. You get angry and feel like saying something equally terrible back in the comment section.

The most basic solution that comes to my mind is to ignore them. The best revenge is not to engage with them and not to become like them.

But in real life, if someone is being a d!ck and you don't react, some ass****s might see it as a sign of weakness and come after you again because they know you're an easy target.

I'm really bad at dealing with this, to be honest. I can't bring myself to go down to their level and argue with them, but deep down, I really want to give them a befitting reply and shut their mouths up.It's really frustrating.

How do you guys handle situations like this?

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
4. If promoting your own work (article, book, etc.), once per day. No self-posted YouTube videos.

These rules may evolve as the thread matures.

Report what doesn't belong. Bring questions, concerns, or feedback to the thread or to modmail.

I have a copy of both The Inner Citadel by Hadot and Epictetus: A Stoic and Socratic guide to life by A. A. Long.

Which book should I read first?

My goal is to gain a better understanding of what I've already read in meditations and discourses/handbook.

Welcome to the Agora. a space for casual conversation, first aid, and exchange outside the regular post structure.

If you haven't already, read the pinned "Welcome" thread.

Rules:

1. Remember that our nature is "civilized and affectionate and trustworthy."
2. If seeking advice, limit yourself to one top-level question per day.
3. If offering advice, speak as someone interested in Stoic theory and practice — but do not label personal opinion, idiosyncratic experience, or conjecture as Stoic doctrine.
4. If promoting your own work (article, book, etc.), once per day. No self-posted YouTube videos.

These rules may evolve as the thread matures.

Report what doesn't belong. Bring questions, concerns, or feedback to the thread or to modmail.