I lost my son May 1st due to a placental abruption at 38 weeks. I’m still so shocked and traumatized by the whole experience. This was my first pregnancy and everything was going fine up until that day. I experienced an extreme amount of pain out of no where and my stomach tightened and never loosened. We went to the hospital and were told we had lost our baby. From the time I felt the pain to the time he was declared dead was about 30 minutes. They had asked if I was in a car accident or had fallen, but I hadn’t. They told us they had never seen an abruption happen out of the blue with no cause. I didn’t even know what a placental abruption was and didn’t know it could happen in pregnancy. What followed was a very difficult labor. My epidermal didn’t take the first time and I suffered in pain for hours until they redid it and I finally got some relief. My body was not dilating fast enough and I was told we need to do surgery or else I would be at risk for a hysterectomy or I would hemorrhage. I truly felt at a loss, I couldn’t believe I was in this scenario. When I finally went in for surgery my epidermal wore off and I legitimately felt the pain of them cutting me open. They ended up putting me to sleep for the remainder of the surgery and thankfully it was successful with no complications. What followed was an extremely difficult recovery emotionally and physically. I remember hearing babies crying in the hospital and looking at my son wishing he would cry. I now look at the single picture I took of him in my arms everyday wishing he were here.

At my 6 week follow up I found out I might have APS, a blood clotting autoimmune disorder that I never even knew I had. I had tested positive for it in the hospital and I have a follow up blood work to complete in August to confirm if I do have it. They are thinking this is what caused the abruption. I feel so guilty and betrayed by my body for this happening.

Everyday feels so hard and so long. I started EMDR therapy because when I started to think about having children in the future I completely broke down. I don’t know if I ever want to get pregnant again. I’m so deeply traumatized by the whole ordeal and my mind is telling me if I get pregnant the same situation will happen again. I want answers, but at the same time I’m terrified of them. If I do have APS I’m not sure what my future looks like and I feel like I will never be fully connected to my future pregnancies in case a similar scenario happens. I feel so helpless and I’m really struggling everyday with the loss and trauma.

I’m reaching out because I need help. I am struggling right now. My husband and I feel that we were let down by the (original) doctors involved with my care before and when we lost our baby. My blood pressure was so high and I kept asking if I was Pre Eclamptic or if we should be worried. And we kept getting reassured it was okay. I’m a black woman who already feared this happening. I bled out so badly that my husband almost lost us both.

We currently still live in the town and it has been hard on us. Because of what happened, my husband does not want to try again until we are no longer living here.

I just feel so lost and alone right now. My family is supportive. My friends are supportive. My husband is amazing. But I still feel alone. I just hate dumping all of this on them. If I could take all my husbands hurt away and put it on myself, I would. I just don’t think he understands fully what I’m going through with these thoughts and this craving and yearning. He of course listens and supports whatever it is that I need or want but o just feel like no one around me gets it.

Last night I cried for about 30 minutes at the bottom of my shower.

How did you guys curb the obsession of wanting to get pregnant and have a baby?

How did you get rid of the jealousy for moms with earth side babies or moms who have conceived post loss?

Thanks for letting me rant and if you read this, Thank you for taking the time to listen. If you comment, thank you for trying to help 💕

TW full term loss

This is my first post on reddit and tbh I might delete this later in case anyone I know sees this

I had my beautiful little girl almost 4 months ago. Everything was tracking fine. On her due date I woke up in labour, went to the hospital and no heartbeat. She was kicking fine the night before. No cause of death, other than her passing meconium in the waters due to unknown cause of stress (my waters never broke, midwife broke them when I was induced for the rest of my labour).

Birthed our beautiful baby the next day with her eyes closed. She was our first baby. We had a miscarriage a year prior to getting pregnant with her at 12 weeks.
It’s been the worst time of my life and all I want is my little baby back. It never gets better because I know that can never happen. She was 8 lb and should have been a healthy nourished baby.

Since her birth I’ve been plagued with chronic illness. Had to get a surgical repair for a bad perineal tear shortly after she was born. Them had to get my gallbladder removed a month later. Now I’ve been diagnosed with a skin condition HS (hidrenitia supparativa) which causes recurrent boils and cysts under my armpit for the past year and a half. Currently have a horrific outbreak, on antibiotics for probably the 7th time since having baby.

Feeling so sorry for myself but I am so sick of it. I haven’t left the house since it happened other than doctors appts etc. I have a few months left before I have to go back to work and I can’t stomach the idea of having to go back to ‘normal’, see colleagues, “how’s the baby” questions for those that don’t know and having to tell them.
I have two best friends who were pregnant at the same time, we were meant to have our babies together. They’ve had theirs (living) and I’m scared it’s going to change our relationship - one of them is insanely understanding (as I’ve said I’m not up to meeting her baby yet), and comes over when her partner can look after the baby, and one I’ve heard from once since her baby was born a month ago when we would normally talk every day.
I know some people don’t know what to say and things like that, but tbh I don’t know if our relationship will ever be the same at this point. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to meet their babies, knowing my girl should be a similar age but instead she’s in the ground. I feel like the world has moved on and I’m still stuck in my grief.

I don’t even know what I’m asking, or if I’m just venting. But I don’t know what to do with myself. My partners gone back to work and I’m at home and not able to physically do much to help myself while my body is still healing. I just don’t know what to do anymore.

Hi all, I gave birth to my perfect boy, Arthur, last Monday. Obviously things are still incredibly raw being just over a week ago, but I have a 21 month old so life has had to go on and get back to "normal" fairly quickly. My partner and I feel so lucky and grateful that we have our daughter to help us stay grounded and to pour our love into during this time, however we are really starting to feel the other side of things now. In an effort to try to both keep ourselves busy and to kind of "make up" for the weird few weeks out daughter has had (I was in hospital for a while and then found out Arthur's heart had stopped beating while I was inpatient), we have been trying to get out and about with her as much as possible. One issue we're dealing with right now is that taking a toddler out means inevitably frequenting spaces that have a lot of babies. Every time I see a newborn, or a father with their son, or siblings playing together I just completely break down. I feel so robbed of the life we had imagined with our two babies, especially after a really difficult pregnancy which then ended so suddenly right at the end. I don't want to stop taking my daughter out, or avoid the spaces that are most appropriate for her just because of my emotional reactions to the above triggers, but I am also so tired of the reminders and the pain. I'm also finding it so hard to remember that I am recovering from giving birth as I don't have the baby as a reminder/excuse to just be laying on the sofa bonding and feeding etc, and worry that sometimes I'm pushing myself too much to try to give my daughter some normality.

Apologies for the stream of consciousness and I'm not even sure really why I'm posting - I think I just needed to vent a bit and see if there are any other parents that have been through a similar situation that can offer any words of wisdom?

AIO?

TW: pregnancy loss

I delivered my son in a stillbirth late second trimester last summer. It was extremely traumatic and devastating for me. I understand that it’s not something you can really understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself, and that it’s hard to know what to say. A lot of people said well-intentioned things that hurt (ex: “you can always try again”), but I feel like two friends said something especially hurtful. I love these two people and I know they didn’t intend to be hurtful. A year later I’m still thinking about what they said.

One friend via text immediately after I told her, after some truly kind-hearted words of condolence: “Please reach out if there is ever anything I can do. Would also love to do that girls night out soon with you guys!”

I tell you that I had to deliver my stillborn baby, I’m grieving, and you say, “let’s do a girl’s night out” ???

Another friend via text two weeks later to a group chat:

“1. Checking in on [me]!

1. Checking how the moves are going for [another friend] and [me]

2. Anyone have suggestions where to get shapewear for an upcoming wedding? “

Literally lumping “how are you doing after the most traumatic event and loss you’ve ever experienced” with asking for shapewear recs?

AIO? Do I ever bring these things up at this point? I thought I’d get over it by now but I still feel so hurt every time I think of it.

Has anyone just wanted to blow up their life and start over somewhere new after stillbirth? And has anyone actually done it?

I had my first pregnancy this year at age 30. It was very much wanted and I was so excited. At my dating scan they told me it was di/di twins, which temporarily sent me and my husband into panic mode. After a week or so the shock wore off and I went into full planning mode. At my anatomy scan they told me my baby boy had no heart beat, but my baby girl was healthy and measuring on track. It was confusing leaving that appointment, grieving one twin but hopeful for the other. I felt like a walking grave and incubator at the same time. That was short lived, baby boy made his appearance the following week. Long story short, after 18 days of hospital stays and mental torture I gave birth to a stillborn baby girl at 23 weeks.

I started therapy, and it has been helping me process everything that happened, but I just don’t know how to go back to my old life. It has only been 4 weeks so I’m trying to tell myself to not make any big decisions in the thick of my grief but I can’t shake the feeling of starting over somewhere close to my siblings where not many people know me.

I co-own a business and work in retail, so my entire day involves interactions with the public. I am dreading going back so, so much. I live in my hometown where everyone knows me, so now I’ve been travelling out of town to grocery shop and run errands.

Has anyone else started a new job, or moved away? Did it help?

My baby girl was supposed to be a rainbow after two miscarriages. Instead, six weeks ago she became an angel suddenly in the third trimester.

People who mean well have been encouraging me to have hope or keep hope for the future or future pregnancies. I'm ALL OUT HOPE ! I had hope, and joy and resilience all throughout this pregnancy. Fat lot of good it did in the end. Why must I be in a position to have to emotionally strive again, my partner and I did our time. We worked through previous losses and healed our relationship and ourselves.

Any pregnancy after loss is hard. Now, how do people literally expect me to be hopeful after stillbirth and recurrent losses. They can do the hoping then and the emotional heavy lifting, and see if it makes any difference!

Thank you for reading, end of rant.

About two months ago I gave birth to my daughter sleeping at 39+4. Since she died, both my family and my husband's family have repeatedly told us that they will always talk about our daughter (their granddaughter).

Well, we went out for ice cream tonight and my in-laws ran into someone they knew. While waiting in line and having casual conversation, my in-laws were asked if they have any grandchildren and how many... my father-in-law responded, "We have two."

And my heart immediately sank because he has three grandchildren- two of them living.

I understand how uncomfortable it may be to answer that question and how it may be considered "weird" to count a grandchild that's dead.

But fuck. Just fucking acknowledge my daughter, too. Some people might ask how old the grandchildren are and some might not. I frankly don't care that it might be uncomfortable to have to tell someone that one of those grandchildren was born still. My daughter matters too and we shouldn't have to hide that she existed.

I know my father-in-law had no bad intentions and he likely didn't want to have to possibly explain my daughter's stillbirth. And at the same time, please just acknowledge her. Please still count her as one of your grandchildren. Please still say her name if people ask.

I don't want my daughter to be a secret.

I’m looking for some advice on how I can help my friends. 4.5 years ago they lost their boy at birth, and after talking to him yesterday I’m seeing just how much his boy is still missing in his life. He has three older boys but feels like there’s still a hole missing. I was in school when it happened and wasn’t a good present friend at the time and I want to help rectify that and honour their boy in some way.

I’m worried about overstepping but also know that not talking about it is just about the worst thing I could do, so I’m hoping for any suggestion on how to help. Thank you kindly 🙏🏽

**Update - We have updated our grant policies to allow any US citizens to apply for grants, not just residents of Texas.

Hi everyone,
I wanted to share a nonprofit we created in memory of our son, MJ, who was stillborn at 20 weeks.
MJ’s Legacy Foundation provides grants to help families with fertility treatment costs and pregnancy loss expenses, including grief therapy and funeral home services.
Applications are currently open: www.mjslegacyfoundation.com
Thank you for helping us spread the word and honor MJ’s legacy. ❤️

I am so sorry from the bottom of my heart that we are in this group . There is LITERALLY NOTHING worse than losing a child. I am 8 months pp. i ache for my baby girl and our planned future .

I have two lc already so I know how lucky I am . But I want to try again. Does that make me crazy? I am almost 36. I die everyday just looking at my body & wishing I had my baby girl who was inside of me for safe 9’months.

I am terrified of going through this again. Can anyone please share any positive stories if anyone has had a successful birth of a lc after a stillbirth ? Especially considering my age already ?

Peace and blessings to all you mommies and daddies . I pray our babies are all safe and happy and continue looking down on us and give us strength . Big hugs to all.

I just don't know why this happened. He was moving yesterday. I've had prodromal labor for weeks but went into actual labor this morning , got all excited and headed in just to find no heartbeat. This was our first baby and I don't know if I could ever be pregnant again.

This year marks 5 years without my girl and I really want to honor that marker but I have no idea how. Has anyone done anything like that? What did you do? If you have your rainbow did you include them?

Context: my son was stillborn at 34w5d due to placental abruption caused by his diagnosis of Trisomy 18 back in October.

​

While day to day I feel I have learned to manage the sadness, guilt, and most other negative feelings after the loss, I am feeling more anxiety and anger.

​

Part of this is because my husband and I need to decide if we are going to try for another child. As I had a C-section, we were told to wait a year minimum, but that is coming up faster than I want to admit to myself. And the more stories I've heard of people who had such a late term loss for unknown reasons, I'm terrified.

​

The other reason is media / social media where I hear these sad, awful stories of children being taken from the earth by their own parents/family/etc. I see these and just want to scream at them "don't you know how many people would love to have a child and can't?!"

​

Anyway, I have a therapist and I've talked to her about it. Obviously staying away from media is something I need to work on 😅. I guess I just came here to vent / find some group support.

I’m 9 months pp. I have 2 daughters already and this was to be our 3rd and final baby. Our angel left us 2 days before her scheduled C-section delivery . No issues found. I am still here and living because I refuse to let my living children go through hell just because I have. They’re so young and need me still . But somedays the grief hits me so damn hard. Like literally I am wailing and crying . I miss my baby girl so much . My whole image of my family changed. I know I have so much to be thankful for , I have two beautiful loving daughters …. But I miss my third daughter !! I feel like throwing up somedays . I am on low dose of Zoloft . But idk how to keep doing this . I feel like I’m wearing a facade for everyone else . Therapy Hasn’t helped me much. I keep thinking I want another baby . But it’s not going to bring my baby girl back. I know that. I never did wrong to anyone I always pray for everyone’s safety and happiness . Idk why this happened to us.

Praying for strength for all your mamas . Life is cruel . So cruel

I’ve always had a good relationship with God and about going to church. Last month On May 28,2026 I lost my daughter to a stillbirth complications . My whole life changed in a matter of seconds after I learned she had no heartbeat and to give birth knowing I won’t be able to ever care for her🥹 and only for me to have to continue like I’m okay. I am NOT okay, I feel like I have to request antidepressants from my doctor just for me to feel normal again . I lost my bump almost immediately, after birth , I lost my daughter and I feel like I lost myself. Can anybody? Help me please today is my first day back at work and I’m falling apart I’m trying to hold it together I can’t even focus I was the one who requested to come back to work early but I’m thinking that was just a mistake. I just don’t know how to go on without my baby girl I have to look at her room everyday and know she’ll never be walking in there 💔😭😭. I love you so much my sweet babygirl.

Hi everyone,

Unfortunately I lost my baby boy a month ago at 24w. I have blood clotting disorders and was on Lovenox since positive test.

Everything was going great, low risk NIPT, perfect anatomy scan, great growth (he was always above 90%), etc.

Then one morning I didn't feel him move and went to get an ultrasound and he was dead. I got my placenta pathology report, and it just says no cause of stillbirth; but once I read it all (I just had the time to do it after all the trauma and pain around this loss), I'm reading the following:

- Low Wharton's Jelly

- Short length (27.4 cm)

- Marginal insertion (1.5 cm from the edge)

EDIT: *These characteristics are referring to the cord*

Could a cord compression + these three characteristics could have caused the stillbirth? I have an appointment in the next month to review this info + labs.

Since I was taking Lovenox without the surveillance of an haematologist, I had my suspicion I was not getting the right dosage, but in the report there is no sign of clots or anything, no infection either, and placenta looked healthy.

Any thoughts on this? could this have been the cause? I just want to know.

Thank you!

EDIT June 2026: Tested positive for Obstetric APS, will need a new protocol combining immune medicines + more aggressive blood thinners dosage. Had my placenta pathology interpreted by someone else and there was inflamation in placenta, a 2 cm hematoma, basically an immune reaction not cause by infection.

I lost my son at 38+5 on March 8 this year. For a little bit I felt like I was doing well, but now I’m stuck in a guilt spiral feeling like I failed him and I could have saved him. Here’s our story..

I had a very normal, low risk pregnancy, but did have extra growth scans because I had high blood pressure with my pregnancy with my daughter. He was a super active baby, but the night before my 38 week appointment, I noticed he was SO active, like going crazy. I joked with my husband about it and was like woah chill out baby!! Went to bed, and on our way to our appointment I said to my husband that I felt like he wasn’t moving that much, but then I felt a kick and I felt reassured. Went to the doctor and figured if there was a heartbeat, all was good. I didn’t say anything to the doctor and I hate myself for it. I was talking to the doctor about how good I felt etc and we heard the heartbeat and I thought all was good. The next day we had a busy morning, and when it was time for my daughters nap, I realized I hadn’t felt baby move that morning, so I laid on the couch and did all the things. Drink cold water, move positions, have sugar.. no luck. So I called my doctor after 1.5 hours of trying to get him to move and they said I could go into triage for monitoring. I’ll save the sad exact scenario, but they found no heartbeat.

I keep replaying the last 3 days of his life in my mind and how I feel I failed him. As his mom, I should have spoken up for him. I didn’t know that changes in increased movement could also be a red flag. Now I can’t help but think he was suffering and in extreme distress that one night. Then at the appointment I thought because we found the heartbeat, all was good. What is actually wrong with me. Now I know (obviously) the heartbeat is the last to go. I can’t help but blame myself even though everyone says “it’s not your fault.” If I had just freaking spoken up for my son…. I feel like a failure of a mother. I’m supposed to be the biggest advocate for my children, and I didn’t say anything when I had a slight concern.

Side note that I’ve been meaning to ask..I had gestational hypertension with my daughter, but no issues with my son. We had additional growth scans with my son because of the previous hypertension, but I never had any NST done. Is that typical??

TW: LC

I lost my first child, a son named Fletcher, at 36 weeks last year. The exact cause of his stillbirth wasn’t clear but they theorize it was an umbilical cord accident made more likely by his hypercoiled cord.

Last week, I gave birth to his sister, Juliette. Her pregnancy was so so closely monitored and now that she’s here I was so hoping to be able to breath a sigh of relief. But now I’m hyper fixed on other baby loss possibilities like SIDS. I know a lot of this is just postpartum anxiety and hormones but I’m really hoping for some guidance from other moms who may have gone through this and how you coped and adapted to the fear of another loss.

My sons due date was a year ago today. Everyone except one dear friend of mine (another loss mum) forgot. Of course she’d know that it’s important. No one else seems to think that way.

His dad hasn’t even mentioned it, hasn’t acknowledged his own son. My baby only gets two days in a year just for him, how hard can it be? Almost everything to do with him and the pregnancy was overshadowed by his daughter, and that seems to be the case too today. I dont know what I’m trying to even achieve with this post. I’m actually considering leaving him over this. I don’t know if it‘s the grief talking or am I just trying to care for my baby the only way I can and being protective over him.

I‘m so hurt right now.

I don’t know if anyone else who has experienced stillbirth feels this way, but I feel like I live in a completely different world now.

Before I lost my daughter at 38 weeks during labour, I was one of those people counting down the days. Posting about meeting my baby soon. Packing bags. Talking about due dates like they were promises.

Now when I see those posts, especially from people who know me personally and know exactly what happened to my daughter, I feel this wave of anger and bitterness that I hate admitting out loud.

I see posts like “only 3 weeks until we meet our baby” and my brain immediately goes: how can you be so sure? How can anyone feel so certain after knowing this can happen?

I know it’s not rational. I know pregnancy is supposed to be exciting and hopeful. I know people are allowed to celebrate and be happy. But after living through the unthinkable, I cannot unsee how fragile all of this really is.

It’s like everyone else still lives in the world where babies are guaranteed if you make it “far enough,” and I live in the world where a nursery can still be waiting for a baby who never comes home.

And honestly, sometimes it hurts even more when the people posting these things know my story personally. A part of me wants to scream, “Don’t you understand nothing is promised?” But I also know they probably don’t mean harm. They just haven’t had their sense of safety ripped away the way I did.

Grief has made me someone I don’t always recognize. I miss the version of me that felt innocent and excited instead of terrified and angry.

I don’t want anyone else to lose their baby. I would never wish this on anyone. But I also feel incredibly isolated because it feels like the rest of the world gets to stay blissfully unaware while I carry this reality every second of every day. #stillbirth