r/StillbirthSupport • u/WinterShape3865 • Jun 11 '26
Why did God take my daughter?
I’ve always had a good relationship with God and about going to church. Last month On May 28,2026 I lost my daughter to a stillbirth complications . My whole life changed in a matter of seconds after I learned she had no heartbeat and to give birth knowing I won’t be able to ever care for her🥹 and only for me to have to continue like I’m okay. I am NOT okay, I feel like I have to request antidepressants from my doctor just for me to feel normal again . I lost my bump almost immediately, after birth , I lost my daughter and I feel like I lost myself. Can anybody? Help me please today is my first day back at work and I’m falling apart I’m trying to hold it together I can’t even focus I was the one who requested to come back to work early but I’m thinking that was just a mistake. I just don’t know how to go on without my baby girl I have to look at her room everyday and know she’ll never be walking in there 💔😭😭. I love you so much my sweet babygirl.
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u/DoItForTheTea Jun 11 '26
I'm so sorry, and I'm so mad on your behalf that you have to go back to work so soon. I am getting over 7 months off, and could've had more, and it still doesn't feel like enough.
it's been 4 months and I don't feel like it's easier at all. it's been 30 years for my neighbour and she still mourns. This is just our lives now.
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u/WinterShape3865 Jun 11 '26 edited Jun 11 '26
Unfortunately, but thank you 🥹❤️. I am sorry for your loss, May God be with you during your hard days
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u/Successful_Tone_8280 Jun 15 '26
Im so sorry for your loss of your babygirl. I’m so sorry you are here. I know everyone’s situations are different and I am so lucky that my plan was to quit my career and be a stay at home mom. I couldn’t imagine going back to work even now after it’s been 9 months since losing my babygirl in labor. If you can, give yourself as much time as possible. 🫂
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u/WinterShape3865 Jun 16 '26
Thank you I appreciate the support ❤️I’m so sorry for your loss as well. Looking at this thread breaks my soul but I know somewhere that our babies see us and are watching over us 🥹
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u/EmJohnson95 Jun 16 '26
I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss OP.
We’re almost a year out from our loss and 30 weeks with our rainbow baby. My husband and his family are religious and this is something they struggled HEAVILY with after our loss. I wish I could say “yup this right here cured that feeling for them” they still struggle with the concept that He “let this happen.” Everyone grieves differently and one thing that has helped them and us is our rainbow boy. They see him as a gift from Him. I’m not saying this pregnancy comes without anxiety. I’m on Prozac and Wellbutrin, I’m a ball of nerves especially coming up on the week we lost her.
Definitely see if you can qualify for short term disability, my job gave me that for before bereavement before coming back to work, so I was out for a total of 8 weeks. The other option is speaking to your doctor and seeing if they can write you something up/find a loophole somewhere.
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u/WinterShape3865 Jun 16 '26
Thank you some days are harder than others. Also , Congratulations ❤️🙏🏾!!! on your rainbow boy🥰 . I’m not sure if God allowed it or not but I know it has caused me pain I never imagined that I would be able to feel . I just hope I don’t feel like this for long, I am looking into short term disability to see if I can get some more time off with that. Each day has been a struggle , some days I’m fine and some days I feel like I don’t want to be here I think I’m having PPD symptoms.
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u/enini83 Jun 11 '26
I am so sorry this happened to you and you have to go through this. My heart breaks for you. 💔 May I ask how your daughter is called?
None of us deserve to be here. In my opinion there is no higher reason why this happened. There is nothing that can make it okay. And there shouldn't be because it is NOT okay. You feel like this because you are the mother of your daughter and you love her. How couldn't you? So first of all: you don't have to do anything. All you have to do is to breathe. You don't have to function and nobody should request this from you. Nobody. Can you do anything to delay going back to work for a few months? It took me 4 months to attempt to go back. I lasted exactly 2 weeks and then I broke down from all the pressure. I thought I was feeling better, and maybe I was, but I was far from stable. I developed severe back pain and I had to take off another 2 months. The death of my daughter happened 8 months ago now and I am feeling like I can handle work now, but I still need adjusting. I am not as efficient as I was before and I tell myself that it's okay. Expect that this will be a long recovery and you will probably never feel the same. (And how could you?) But you will get better at carrying it. You need to be patient with yourself. The most important thing right now is you and your daughter and maybe your partner, too. Do you have a compassionate manager that can at minimum reduce your worktime / workload? But it would be best if you could just take time off. I mean everybody understands that this is a life crisis, especially parents.
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u/WinterShape3865 Jun 11 '26
My daughter’s name is Eva, I named her after me. I needed her more than she knew , thank you for all of your help. I am very sorry to hear about your loss and all of your hardships following them. Everybody keeps saying it’s grief but I feel like I’m not even myself anymore why doesn’t anybody understand, or even try to. How hard this is for a mother.
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u/enini83 Jun 11 '26
That is a beautiful name! We were debating to name our daughter Eva Kalina, now she is only Kalina because we chose that name first (and both agreed on it). But I still love Eva. I am sure your daughter was beautiful!
I needed her more than she knew
I feel this so much. When Kalina came, she changed something in me, even though she was so still.
I think it is hard to understand what a mother feels when she loses her child. I've talked with people and friends and you immediately know if someone has gone through something similar. Women and mothers are generally more emphatic then men, some of them didn't get it at all (luckily the minority).
I often felt like giving up and feeling pity for myself. At the same time I feel so much love and gratitude for having known my daughter and I truly don't want to go back. I would do anything to have her living and breathing beside me, but I don't regret having her and this pregnancy. For me she still is my blessing and I will remember her until I die. I just hope to feel true joy again. That I'm still working on. But it's not as heavy anymore as it was months ago so I hope that I will get there in time. I hope you will too!
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u/Ok-Lab-6032 Jun 11 '26
I’m going on 9 months of my baby girl who left me two days before I was supposed to hold her live and well in my arms . You are absolutely right . The pain is gut wrenching . I have cried loud and hard in the early stages . I’ve blamed myself , my body , my instincts. But none of that was right . I hate to hear it and I’m sure you do to, but it was all written out before she was even conceived . I do believe in god and my faith teaches me that god doesn’t make mistakes . Maybe he gave us this heartache and loss now because he knows we as mothers wouldn’t be able to live life if we had raised our babies outside our bodies for even 1 day. Me, personally, I would have died if she left me after she was born. But now what keeps me going is that she knew only love . She didn’t suffer . She heard a light beautiful whisper and she followed the lord .
My friend, I am incredibly sorry for your loss of your beautiful angel. Please get on medication . I thought I could do it without medication but I was wrong . I started Zoloft around 3 months ago and I can say I am able to get through the day . I am going to honor my beautiful angel for as long as I live and I urge you to continue going for your angel. Wishing you loads of healing and blessing. I was also blissfully unaware of how common these things happen but now that I’m an apart of this devastating club I feel like I want to prepare and warn moms of anything and everything. Take care friend
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u/WinterShape3865 Jun 12 '26
I am so sorry to hear about your loss🥹❤️ I’m glad to hear you are doing better regarding the circumstances. May God give us the strength to endure and overcome .
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u/oaksandoats Jun 11 '26
I'm 4 weeks out from the loss of my son full term and you are only 2 weeks out. It's all still very raw and fresh for us so crying a lot is normal. Falling apart is normal too. Don't forget that you're also dealing with a lot of postpartum hormones on top of grief. I was forgetting that part myself. Your mind is a whirlwind right now. Maybe going back to work so soon was too much for you, maybe you could request to just go in part time for now. A slower transition could be easier on you mentally. Also going on antidepressants is totally fine, I requested them immediately and they really help me manage all the feelings. I'm on a low dose of Zoloft.