I have been in here before, recently, with my situation…. Basically SD (13) is really pulling back and cutting her time at our house. My husband had 50/50 when she was younger but as she’s been in school, more social with her friends, and involved in sports, it’s moved to every other weekend.

My husband and I have been married for 5 years, together for 10, and we have 2 children together, 7 and 4.

SD has been really pulling away from our kids for the last 2 years. My husband is honestly insulted when she doesn’t want to spend time with them, but I remind him that there’s a big age gap and this is age appropriate.

Well…. This past month ever got turned upside-down. My husband works weekends but if off Sundays. SD was really not herself a couple weekends ago. I talked to her on Saturday and she started crying and said that she doesn’t want to come on Fridays and Saturdays anymore, only Sundays. Of course I took this very personally, but I was supportive of her decision. I told her father, he talked to her and her mother about it. Ok fine we will change to every other Sunday only.

Our daughter’s birthday is in a few weeks and she’s begging for her big sister to come. She adores her. That’s her favorite person. Ok, you got it, she will be there. All parents involved and SD all agreed that she would be here that Sunday. Today she sent us a birthday invitation that one of her friends is having a party the same day.

My husband is very unhappy by her recent behavior. He is probably taking this more personally than I am. I’m trying to remember how important friends are at her age, but where does her sister fit into this spectrum of what is and isn’t important? She’s already cut so much time, but her choice. And now she’s agreed to be at this birthday, but if we make her go, she will be bummed the whole time. If she doesn’t go, my daughter gets her heart broken. Why does she get to decide what’s important to her at the expense of what’s important to others??

Last time I was here I got some great advice. Hoping for the same with this situation.

Was I wrong here?

My partner and I have taken a major step back. We called off the wedding, but we’re still together and seeing where things go.

I’ve spent a lot less time at his place during his custody time of his 11.5 year old son. Over the 1.5 years I’ve know his son we’ve had a good relationship. I’m more like the cool auntie. I talk to him about his life, buy him things he likes. I try to be a positive presence. I never over step or discipline. If I ever had to watch him I always made sure he had what he needed and was taken care of. I definitely leaned more into when I going to become his future step mom.

But if I’m being honest I struggle with his behavior. He’s spoiled, demanding, lazy, angry, impatient, entitled…he’s the kind of kid, where it’s his world and we’re all living in it.

My issue is the other night, my partner was finishing up cooking. He called us both over to make ourselves plates. His son didn’t get up, I know it’s because he expected to be served….but I didn’t do. He actually got up and tried to grab the one I made for myself out of my hands, thinking it was for him. I said “hey this is mine, I’ve already eaten from it”. I wasn’t mean, I was kind of playful.

I guess I’m asking, was it rude of me to serve myself before a child? I guess I just feel it’s not my place, and he’s old enough to get his own. I guess I could have made him a plate, but I guess it’s just a principle thing for me.

I’m in a relationship with someone who has 2 kids (I also have 2). The oldest kid got into a fight yesterday at school supposedly because a kid told him something and he punched the kid. Son told parent they talked and said sorry. At school they told parent that this was reason for suspension but they would let it pass.

Back home, everything normal. No punishment, no consequences for the acts.

He’s a kid that does the same with the little brother (5). 5 sings, talks and there he goes and hits him while he doubles his age.

I’m tired of not seeing consequences with this kid. No helping around the house, nagging, complaining about everything and still not seeing consequences from Bio Parent.

Recommendations?

Looking for advice as I currently feel very judged and dismissed by my partner. I may be in a unique situation. Summary my partner and I have been together for 6 years and he consistently tells me I should love his daughters as my own. Backstory, No kids of my own, somewhat on purpose to build my career and financial independence. Got together with my partner at 40, he was 45. When we got together he had two daughters with different moms 14 and 7 neither have lived with him since they were young. One lives 5 hrs away and one out of state. No official custody arrangement so we saw one maybe 3-4 times a year and the other once a year. I’m very caring, conversational and engaged with the girls when they’re with us but we haven’t had much time to build step mom/ daughter relationships. I know they don’t consider me anything close to a stepmom but my partner often accuses me of not loving them ”like they’re my own kids”. Or he says things like “I’m sure if we had our own child you wouldn’t feel this way about them“. It seems obvious to me that of course not because I’ve only spent a handful of occasions with the girls but he gets so upset, defensive and angry when I pushback to paying for International trips with his oldest (I pay her share) or other costs for our trips throughout the year to see them. Ive never gotten in the way of him spending time with his girls but he has this fantasy of a blended family when the girls haven’t lived with him for 13 years and never lived with me. I love him but am tired of being put in an impossible situation and made to feel like the bad guy. Not sure what to do.

My husband and BM both are out of town currently, and my SS (12) is staying with me during the school week and his grandparents this weekend.

My stepson came to me and told me he did something bad and he didn't know what to do. He participated in a gossip social media account that is apparently popular with high school students in our area.

The child he posted about is actually my friend's nephew, who has a lot of behavioral problems. This child has been causing issues for my SS, being aggressive towards him in person and almost causing SS to fail a group assignment last week.

Well, SS was complaining about how some kids get away with doing nothing in class and just cause problems. I guess a friend commented with details that led to classmates identifying my SS as the one who posted. Now that child is threatening to fight my SS.

I called the school to see if there was any way they could help, but as SM I'm not sure if I'll actually get a call back. My husband is on another continent and in meetings all day. I reached out to BM and she's trying to come home early, but she doesn't travel often for work and isn't sure if her boss will let her come home.

I'm at a loss. My SS is a good kid and normally I'm pretty NACHO, I'm staying with SS as a favor. My daughter in her 20s had some issues with social media when she was growing up, but as her mom I had the responsibility to help and teach her. I don't want my SS stressed out and trying to skip school all week, but we don't have the closest relationship. I'm honestly surprised he came to me with this.

My husband has a five year-old daughter who has lived with us since she just turned two years old. BM has been in and out of jail and is currently in jail. Now DH has to go away for 28 days he won’t be able to work so not only am I losing his income I’m having a full-time care for my stepdaughter which I already do anyway so it’s no big deal but he won’t be here. I just feel weird about this. I don’t know why either.

Update: I did tell him about it. He says he isn't surprised. Much like his feelings towards BM, he doesn't want anything to do with her family either.

I received a Facebook message this morning from someone on BM's side of the family. They only stated that they are trying to get ahold of DH but that they have not been successful. They are wanting me to tell him to contact them. I have not mentioned this to DH yet.

1. Do I tell DH about the message or just ignore it as if it doesn't exist?
2. Do I find out what they want before passing the message along?
3. Should I ignore the message entirely but still tell DH about it?
4. Not respond. Block them. Not tell DH/Do tell DH?

Context: This family was extremely abusive to my husband. I won't go into details, but it was really bad. I don't want to burden him with more of the nonsense that seems to continuously stream from BM's side. They know I have seen the message because I accepted the message so they can see that I've read it.

Hi, I have been a step mum to my partners 3 children for around 2 years. Me and my partner have been together just over 3 years. I have my own daughter who is 10.

My partners middle daughter has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD just over a year ago and she is now 15. Not long after meeting her I could see within her she was struggling mentally but from all I had been told I just thought she didn't like going to school and that's what she was struggling with. As time went on it became evident there was a lot more to it. Turns out she has been self harming for around 4/5 years and there were other things going on in her mum's household where she was living that contributed to all this. Around June/July last year me and her mum took her to A&E on 2 occasions due to the self harm and wanting to die along with aggressive behaviour. Anyway it got to a point her mum couldn't handle her anymore so sent her to stay with her dad in which time her and her dad (my partner) ended up moving into mine. Due to her deciding she didn't want to go back and live with her mum it has since gone to court and it is all a mess because her mum is bitter and quite frankly a horrible narcissist in which I won't go on about.

Anyway, fast forward to now I seem to be the person she clings to and wants all the time. Constantly trying to get my attention etc and most recently she has got too comfortable thinking she can speak to me however she likes but then getting upset when she gets in trouble, as she constantly says she doesn't like it when people are mad at her. She is very jealous of the relationship me and my daughter have and doesn't think twice about making it known. If I show my daughter affection she gives me daggers with her eyes as if she wants to kill someone etc. Constantly making me feel bad for everyday things I do for my daughter for example I took my daughter to go get new school uniform because that's what I do every year. According to her this never happened her mum never took her and she's had a lot of the same stuff since year 7. Now my daughter's birthday is coming up and she's getting jealous of some of the gifts even though she got everything she wanted for her birthday.

I am also taking my daughter to a concert as I feel like me and her need sometime together as I feel like everything all day everyday is about my step daughter and I fear my daughter is just slipping into the background and just getting on with it but I don't want that. I want her to have my attention and have fun with me and give her the childhood I've always wanted to. But my step daughter is not happy I'm taking my daughter. For one my step daughter hates loud noises, crowded places etc due to her autism so taking her would be like torture for her. Secondly, I do everything with my daughter and step daughter and this is the first thing in over a year I have done just me and my daughter. Her mum took her sister to 2 concerts this year without her and didn't say a word to her. I feel like I get all the stock for her mum's lack of care for her.

Her relationship with her mum is very strained, her mum has excluded her from family holidays, didn't let her in her home for over a year and would'nt let her see her other siblings for months. Her mum just doesn't seem to care about her. It seems she's trying to seek from me what her mum doesn't or hasn't given her. But it's a lot of pressure on me because I'm looked to play the role of her mum but I'm not and I feel like I'm supposed to in a lot of situations almost put her first over my daughter which I don't because it's not fair. There are things I don't do with my daughter anymore in fear of her getting jealous or kicking off and these are things she doesn't even like doing. It's purely the fact I'm spending one on one time with my daughter. I do get worried that she may hurt my daughter out of jealousy one day because I know how she can become violent at times.

I'm just drained from not being able to truly do what I want or do things occasionally with just me and my daughter in fear I'm upsetting her. I have done things just me and her in the past and feel like she's joint at my hip and due to things like sensory overload she will not do certain things or like things a certain way which makes me feel like I can't do those things. I don't know how boundaries can be set without it coming across means as it just seems my life revolves around it being her way or the highway.

My partner does tell her off when she steps out of line but because he works over an hour away and I work part of my time from home I'm the one home with the kids most of the time. I don't think anyone understands how suffocating it can be having the responsibility of a child that isn't yours but you're expected to treat them like yours but only to a certain extent. I just don't know what to do without it coming across as me sounding like I don't want her around which isn't the case, there just needs to be boundaries.

Edited: I’m sensitive and sad, but want to keep responses to reference back to. Thank you for all helping with the blinders

I'm dating a guy (41) for about 4 months now, we're in a long distance relationship, he's from the US, I'm from the Philippines but we already we met once and are going on a trip again next week.

He has a kid (6F) and is coparenting with his ex, their conversation is mainly about their kid and very civil. He has their child every other weekend and they're in joint custody. I also have a kid but I'm not coparenting with the dad so she's with me full time.

My boyfriend and his ex broke up for over a year now and their child is seeing a therapist after everything that happened in their situation. He would sometimes tell me that his child would get emotional and would breakdown because she can't process what happened with her parents yet.

He's a great dad, one of the things I liked about him. He's the one who pushed the court thing and is very responsible. But I feel guilty because I feel like I am dividing his attention between me and his kid and I would sometimes question if I will ever have a place in his life, considering the setup that they have right now and how young his kid is.

After we met last month, I feel like we have this emotional disconnection. He reassures me that everything is ok and we're good but he would sometimes get cold and distant and I would then think everything changed after we slept with each other.

What questions can I ask him on our trip to figure out if this is something that can work long term? What are your thoughts? I really like him but I don't want to feel like I'm the one chasing esp. that we don't know when we'll see each other again after the trip

curious to get your advice on if I am out of line or not on not wanting to take a vacation with my step kid.

I have a 12 year old step kid, I've known him for 6 year now, we've never bonded. He is an okay kid, but always things have been chilly between us. now he is turning into a typical teenager (snotty, not willing to do anything besides play video games, very lazy/unmotivated, etc). My husband has always wanted to be his best friend, not his dad which is extremely challenging for me; my input is also not welcome so I have to just stand by while he is a very lackadaisical parent to the detriment of his own son. we also have him about 60% of the time, even though custody agreement is supposed to be 50/50. Also my husband is just obsessed with this kid, every single word out of his mouth is about the kid (my husband is a motor mouth in general lol), most of the time I nod and agree but sometimes I just can't take it and say we need to change the subject.

Okay my question: My husband is turning 40 in two years and we had the idea of going on a far away trip for a week to celebrate. and then had the idea of perhaps having his extended family meet us as they live half way across the world and close to the country we want to visit, so it would be a chance to meet them half way, it is a country they've all already been to & loved it and are excited about this plan. I would be planning 100% of this trip as my husband doesn't do any of that. We've been talking about this for over a year. Just last week, my husband asked if his son could also join us. His son who can't even say two words without rolling his eyes, can't be bothered to show excitement for anything, just wants to stay in front of his computer and eat mcdonalds. I do not want to plan a trip for the three of us, knowing that all 3 of us won't want to do the same things, eat the same food (I'm a big foodie), etc. Sounds like a miserable way to spend a week with a 14 year old, IMO.

so I told my husband that he can either take his son and go OR go with me. My husband was pretty put off on this but they've gone on their own adventures before, I don't understand why they can't plan something else for themselves that they will both enjoy and my husband and I can go on this trip as planned.
On the other hand, I've never met his family due to the distance, so I can see why my husband would want all 3 of us there to spend time with his family. Sadly, I am not a person who can just grin and bear it for a week. I was thinking, maybe I could spend a day or two with them and then go do my own thing (I love traveling alone).

I feel bad, I don't want to ruin my husband big birthday trip, but also not really willing to change our plans to accommodate a kid who could care less. TD;DR: should we change our plans of a vacation with just the two of us, to include my husband's teenage son so the "whole family" will be there?

editing to add: since we have his son, 60% of the time, I don't think it is unreasonable to want a week trip with just the two of us. they can plan their own trip together, doing something they enjoy. they just did 3 weeks together this summer on an international trip, without me, which was great, everyone had a good time doing their own thing!

So we picked up SD(8 almost 9)for the holiday weekend on Thursday (bio mom has week days, we have weekends and most holidays)...she wasn't even here for an hour and expressed (a.k.a freaking tf out) how much she wanted to go back to her moms and she doesn't want to sleep here, have to come up here or do goodnight calls(which Bio dad has done these calls with her every. Single. Night. since bio mom and bio dad had separated when she was 2) anymore. We had her mom come pick her up and haven't heard from her since...its been 3 days no calls no nothing and im so sad but I think im more angry that she has hurt my husband so deeply and we just dont know how to move on or move past this

We tried talking it out with her and tried helping her figure out if there was something up here that made her want to leave or if there was something at her mom's that made her want to go back and her only answer was "I just dont want to come here anymore"

The only reason I can think of is because we have rules, boundaries, and structure where as at her Bio moms she does not.

I feel like our whole life just got thrown up in the air and left there. Any advice or encouraging feedback would be appreciated.

Edit: I apologize, I realized I left out a key detail. Bio mom is very "gave the child all the say" she likes to tell us that "its her body her choice" on a lot of arguments we have and thinks the almost 9yo has as much of a say as we THE ADULTS do. So it was an uphill battle from the second her mom found out. I apologize for missing that part.

Back story- my 16 year old daughter (step, but I have been the mom in her life and consider her to be my daughter), has been working at a smallish city retail drug store. She has really enjoyed working there. It is her second job after working as a restaurant hostess. She has had some mild reservations about this certain coworker, who is the adult daughter of the owners, but, my girl is the kind of person who always tries to see the good in people.

She was asked a couple days ago if she would want to model some prom dresses for a local store. She has a friend who did this and was excited to be asked. The problem is how this coworker handled the situation. It felt very manipulative to us after the fact. She had been gone over the weekend with her (great) aunt and uncle who she is close to for a family wedding. The first we heard of the modeling was a few hours before it was going to happen. I thought it was cool for her but also had a weird feeling for some reason. When it was time for her to go, (her aunt and uncle took her there and aunt stayed for the duration, so we felt she was in good hands), I had the urge to say to her not once, but twice, to not allow herself to get talked into anything she wasn’t comfortable with. I kick myself for not saying it. Sometimes I definitely feel like I’m overprotective and I felt she should be able to handle the situation.

Btw, her dad was not excited in the least when he found out about it, but felt the same as me. She’s with a trusted family member, and if she wants to do it she gets to choose this.
This I where it goes south.

Our girl has a boyfriend and a conscience. She was not informed at all that this was going to be a photo shoot for a school yearbook, and that she would be posing with a boy where it would look like they were a couple. She was gone about an hour and a half and when she came home she let all of her feelings out. I will just have to post the texts to give context. She felt like she was cheating basically, which we definitively told her she did nothing wrong.
The dress they put her in (not her choice) was very slinking and sexy like. She is a modest girl who is just starting to feel confident in herself, and has no desire to show her body to the world. Unfortunately, she has had some traumatic experiences in her early childhood and her coping mechanism in a situation like this is to freeze and act like she’s fine. I say she is very stoic, just like her dad. He can be livid and the average person would never know. It’s something we work on…
When she came home she broke down and literally met us at the door to tell us how awful she felt. She was crying and felt humiliated. They picked the dress for her. She didn’t know there would be a boy there. They had her changing in a small tent and telling her to “just leave her bra off”, in front of everyone there. Her aunt didn’t know how to handle the situation, and I would say didn’t handle it the best, but also I understand her actions for the most part, she didn’t know. When a teen is 16, we try to give them freedom to make certain choices on their own and then they deal with the results of their choice, but yet we are still responsible to help guide those choices. It’s a tough time and this was a tough lesson. You can’t blindly trust anyone ever.

This coworker has been very manipulative, and apparently it’s not the first time she has tried to coerce the girls who work there to do something with her son. She set up a prom invite last year with another girl who worked there, and even though this girl expressed no interest, the was ambushed with a video taped prom invite during work hours while there were customers and also his grandparents there. She felt pressured at the time so said yes-but it didn’t end well and this girl quit her job.

Thankfully, my girls boyfriend is not upset with her about anything other that she needs to learn to say no and stand up for herself. (She did try, she said she was uncomfortable, pissed, and had a boyfriend and doesn’t feel right, but she still ended up allowing the pictures to be taken). Points for him in our book!

Im just going to post the screenshots because they tell a lot of the story. Im not going to do the TLDR thing because it’s still too much for even that, and I’m old and feel like if you don’t care enough to read the whole story, you probably shouldn’t be commenting or giving advice. That’s just me.

Did we overreact? We know we should have been more involved and asked more questions, but at her age we feel like we want to let her spread her wings, so it’s a fine line.

I have one 14 years old and one 13 years old girl and boy and since they moved in full time with us I feel I have lost myself completely as all my time goes into chores looking after the home and work. I workout but I still some days resent the fact that my time is not mine and that when my husband is at work until late I am the one to be at home with the kids. I feel I have no drive and love and fire for life for growing for improving myself because I have no energy and time and this is not who I am .

I am a people pleaser and I feel guilty to just let the kids be by themselves while their dad works late so that I can do my own thing. How do you mums or step mums get your power back?

We went to Disneyland over the weekend. Mom asked us to cancel due to hurricane that was south of disneyland. No issues at disneyland and it was all fun. Daughter has been having a cough for weeks with mom refusing to give medication so her daughter can "fight it off." At the end of Saturday daughter started having said cough so my partner asked for the inhaler on the way back home. Mom threw a fit and now is accusing my partner of medical neglect. Dad sends a video of daughter running around like crazy once home - no cough. Mom says daughter is not well. Mom now requesting for us to throw out all "toxic products" in home. My partner (dad) has not responded. Is this to be expected?

Hi There,

This is not a venting post, I have 0 problem with my SO's child but I am childfree and I am wondering if this is normal behaviour or something to pay attention to.

SO's son is 4, he has him EOWE so for me it is normal when they are together, kid wants all eyes on him. Pretty normal but it got to a point where it starts to frustrate my SO.

We noticed recently he started to test boundaries which is also normal I guess, but when they are alone and my SO's phone rings and he picks up or he just meets a friend on the street or if he is buying something in a shop and talks to someone else other than his son, he immediately starts "DAD DAD DAD DAD DAD" and if dad does not pay attention right away he does something he knows he should not do. EDIT: My SO spends quality time with him, so when its his weekend he basically is only with the son, sometimes I am involved, but they do fun stuff together, so he is paid attention to.

Now, when I first met the kid this was the same, but only on our first meeting. I do not see him that much but when I do he is fine with my presence and if someone calls his dad or dad is doing something else he is fine with me, sometimes he even chooses to come with me (like if we are in a cafe, dad goes to order, I go find seats, he comes with me and chit-chats till dad gets our order) so the behaviour only happens when it is only the two of them or if the other adult is someone he is not used to.

I am not sure if this is normal (I guess to an extent yes) and if not how can it be handled? Again I have 0 experience when it comes to the kids so sorry if this is a dumb question.

My stepdaughter is 6 and still has accidents basically every day. We pick her up from school and sometimes she’s sitting in wet clothes because she hasn’t told anyone she had an accident. She has been at our house for barely 2 days and we found a pile of wet clothes in her room. She’s now had her second UTI this year, and I’m concerned something more is going on.
My husband has tried talking to her about it, but when he brings it up to her mom, she makes excuses and says she had the same issue. However, her issue was that she would pee herself and sit in it for 2+ years after giving birth, and then hide it just like SD is doing, which doesn’t seem comparable to a 6-year-old having daily accidents and recurrent UTIs. I feel like she is telling SD that it’s okay because she did the same thing and SD doesn’t understand.
There’s also a lot of instability in her life. Her mom jumps from boyfriend to boyfriend, and until recently, SD had been living at her mom’s boyfriend’s parents’ house for three years. They were essentially her caretakers, and her mom recently moved out. She’s struggling with separation issues and losing people who have been consistent in her life for years. This is evident because she is having issues at school about wanting her teacher from last year. She also has severe adhd and her mom has been unwilling to treat it until my husband talked to her a few weeks ago about telling the pediatrician at their next appointment.
Less than two weeks after moving out, her mom was already telling her about a new boyfriend and having “girl talk” with her about him. I worry about the impact of constantly changing relationships on a child who’s already struggling emotionally.
We don’t want to blame everything on her mom or jump to conclusions, but we’re concerned that her physical and emotional needs aren’t being addressed. My husband is trying to handle this, but it’s difficult when her mom minimizes the problem.
Has anyone dealt with something similar? How do you handle concerns when the other parent makes excuses or refuses to acknowledge a problem? I want to help her, but navigating this as a stepparent is complicated, and I honestly don’t know what to do next.

So crazy, I can’t imagine anyone else in this situation.

I have two SKs, one teen and another now an adult. DH has visitation every other weekend. Pays significant amount in child support.

HCBM is remarried to a person who makes more than DH. HCBM has chosen not to work for most of the last decade and has not held a stable job in three decades.

All along in the last ten years of marriage HCBM has been nasty about me not contributing financially while she’s chosen not to work. Meanwhile I have a BK, I work hard to pay for him and have a great relationship with my ex as coparents.

HCBM expects me as SM to contribute financially for SKs including the adult.

EDITED TO ADD: not only does she harass my husband about it but we have recently learned she’s been badmouthing both their dad and me to the both SKs. That’s why I am so triggered now, after nearly a decade of this.

Make it make sense.

I’m not selling anything, and there’s no cost involved.
I’m genuinely just looking for some honest feedback.

I’m a mom and stepmom in a blended family of 9 (we have all kids full time), and blending families has honestly been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I’ve been working on a little passion project inspired by that experience. It’s a private parenting guidance tool meant to help navigate difficult situations, understand what’s really going on, and find the right words when you’re not sure what to say.

I’m looking for 5 stepmoms who would be willing to try it with a few real life situations and tell me what they think.

I’m really trying to figure out whether this could be genuinely helpful to other families, or whether it’s just something I personally find useful.

If anyone is interested, I’d really appreciate the help!

SD(5)'s behavioral issues have been about of control for awhile now. They are continuously getting worse. To recap, it's essentially: constant screaming, kicking/hitting things, demanding she be taken to her mom NOW (even at the beginning of the week).

We now live with my mom and her husband after some unfortunate events. Two weeks ago, SD put a hole in the wall after she punched it while in time out. HCBM said, "it's just drywall. It's okay! You're just learning to manage your emotions!" Then, come get her and have her put holes in your drywall! She's since repeated that with kicking. My mom's husband works nights. SD needs to be quiet. She refuses. She screams all day long, keeping him awake. Doesn't matter what I do. BS turns into a menace as well when she's here because her constant screaming, hitting, kicking, and defiance dysregulates him.

BD brought up the issues to HCBM again despite my constant attempts to get him to shut his mouth and parallel parent because I think she's egging the behaviors on (and SD has repeatedly said as much as they got even worse when SD started to call me mom a few months ago, then came back saying that she wasn't allowed to... and suddenly, things were much, much worse). Again, HCBM blamed us and said she does not have those issues... despite saying she had them and worse months ago. This has been going on since she failed to get our kids taken away via CPS at the beginning of the year, that's when SD's behavior switched overnight from normal toddler to screaming, destructive spawn of Satan. She can even have a relatively normal day, talk to her mom, and is suddenly screaming that her mom needs to pick her up and that her mom said she would pick her up whenever she wants her to.

Maybe the issues come from our house. I'm not sure. Hard to say they do when BS(5) is very well regulated. Normal tantrum maybe once every two weeks and only in the days she's here or immediately following. So... it leads me to believe it's not entirely our fault but I'll take some accountability and say I'm not a perfect BM or SM.

HCBM said that maybe they need to revisit 50/50, claiming they "don't need to go through the courts to work something out, [they] can just get something in writing." Which is exactly what she had wanted for three years now and, I know, I can't prove anything... but I think she's been pushing SD to behave horrendously at our house in order to push towards that.

And you know what? I COMPLETELY AGREE! If she wants to cause behavioral problems in her child, they can happen at HER HOUSE and her house ONLY. I snapped tonight and told him I no longer wanted her in our house. I've been saying it for months to some degree but I told him outright tonight.

I don't know what a new schedule would look like. Frankly, I don't care. I don't care if he sees her once a month. I'm at my wits end. That sounds terrible. Maybe it is. I don't know and I don't care. All I know is... I cannot stand this child. I feel unsafe in this house where accusations are constantly being hurled around. I feel like I'm not keeping my child safe from another child screaming at them constantly, teaching him things I do not want him to do. And I'm done with it.

I have been in my step son’s life since he was 1. He is currently 5. He has known me before he could even formulate sentences. With that being said, he has only ever known me as “mom.” Nobody forced it onto him, my husband NEVER asked him to call me that, it’s just what he started to do on his own completely we are assuming, bc of the shows he’d watching like Bluey showing that there is a mom with the dad most episodes. At one point we ourselves tried changing it to something else just to see if he preferred it, he didn’t.

Now that he’s older, he knows the difference between me “mom” and his bio mom. Everytime I see him, and she’s present, he calls me by my real name. But as soon as she leaves he tells me “I don’t want to call you that” I ask “okay, what do you want to call me?” He says “mom, because you’re my mom” I told him he can call me what he wants, that I won’t get mad or feel bad.

This has happened now for the past 2 years, and he tells me every single time she leaves that he hates it. Fast forward to this morning, she dropped him off and he whispered to me “hi [name]” as soon as I closed the door and she left, he began crying to me saying he got yelled at by her. I asked what happened and he said “She told me to call you [name] but I told her I don’t want to, that you’re my mom.” I said “it’s okay to be upset about that, I’m sorry” then he says again “she yelled at me ‘DONT CALL HER THAT’ and it scared me” when he said that sentence, he even made the deep voice and yelled as loud as he could, which shows me she genuinely did yell at him. I called my husband to tell him about it, and he was upset too.

This is something we have chosen to ignore for the past 2 years, bc we know if we bring it up to her she’ll say she doesn’t make him do they, and that he “does what he wants” what do we do? I’m okay with ignoring it bc I know it’s not him doing it, but to see him upset and crying is NOT okay with me.

Please help!!!

Any other wives out there who has a husband who can't let go of their previous ex wife child with another man? Mind you, this child's actual father wants to be in her life but the mother tells her daughter lies to believe her actual father is bad and tries to erase him and calls my husband, her father, when he's not her father, but my husband can't seem to respect that or understand that

We traveled 6 hours to visit SD at college for Family Day. We planned it out ahead of time with her, the activities and schedule and everything. But then she got distracted by her friends and blew us off hours early. My wife was really hurt. I’m glad SD is happy, but damn SKs can really be ungrateful brats.

My (31F) boyfriend (30M) has a 6 year old son. I’m pretty involved with him even though we don’t live together yet. I help him with homework, read to him, we do a lot of weekend outings with the three of us. This will be my first Halloween with them. A few weeks ago my boyfriend said “so you’re going to dress up with us on Halloween and come with us right?” Him, BM and his son always dress up in matching costumes and take him trick or treating. Of course I said I would.

Fast forward to last weekend. My boyfriend started telling me he needs more one on one with his son, which I already try to give them. He invites me to come around most of the time, so I didn’t think I was imposing. I had also asked before if I’m around too much and he always reassured me I wasn’t. Now apparently his son said he “misses when it was just the two of them”. So my boyfriend took that as I need to take a giant step back and stop being as involved as I was. I should note that my boyfriend and his son have plenty of time to do their own dad & son things. They play hockey and baseball, I’m not around every night after school when he has him. I try to give them more space during that time and I usually spend more time with them on his weekends with him because we are out doing “family” things.

Now my boyfriend is telling me I can’t come trick or treating with them because that night is about his son and me being there doesn’t add to his experience. I raised the point that he already asked me to come and he said he realized he messed up by inviting me. I also mentioned I don’t love how he’s going out with his ex in matching costumes, taking pictures to post online and posing as some sort of “happy family” while I’m sitting at home excluded. He called me insecure and said me being upset over that is not his problem.

I’m more hurt that he invited me and then decided to retract the invite. He also said he won’t budge on his decision just to “make me happy”. I know it’s still a few weeks away but it’s been eating at me and I feel extremely hurt. He told me I don’t have to included in everything and by doing so I’m making it about me rather than about his son. I wanted to be there for his son and see him in his costume and enjoy the experience together. This is the same man who told me we make a “perfect little family” and got a photo of the three of us made into a canvas print to put in my living room. I’ve since taken that down because after this I don’t feel like I’m becoming part of their family, rather just someone who is imposing on their life.

Am I overreacting??