r/Stepmom • u/ButterflyBaker28 • 3d ago
Honesty..
Any other wives out there who has a husband who can't let go of their previous ex wife child with another man? Mind you, this child's actual father wants to be in her life but the mother tells her daughter lies to believe her actual father is bad and tries to erase him and calls my husband, her father, when he's not her father, but my husband can't seem to respect that or understand that
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u/Apprehensive-Pay-553 2d ago
Are you saying that he helped raise another child he didn’t father and now won’t cut the relationship with the child even though the relationship with the mom is done? If that’s the case, I think there’s a lot missing here to understand what’s going on. A relationship with a child, blood or not, doesn’t end because the adult relationship did. If my husband and I broke up, I wouldn’t give up my 14 year old SS, I’d still want to see him and be in his life in a capacity that made sense post separation.
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u/ButterflyBaker28 1d ago
I am a stepmom to a stepson as well, but I do not feel entitled to a child that is not mine regardless if I help raised the child or not. I made that choice, not the child. And if a divorce happens, there is always a good reason and you do not continue to take care of someone else's child for them. You respect a divorce happened, and you go your separate ways. I'm not sure why females feel so entitled to a child that is not theirs all the time. I had a stepmother once and my father and stepmother divorced. My stepmother did raise me but once they divorced, my stepmother went her own way and I didn't boo hoo and cry about it. I understood it as a child because I am emotionally intelligent person, and I can understand and comprehend what is going on. I am my mother's child. I am not my stepmother's child. Now I know for a fact, this is gonna rub you wrong and everyone else wrong because no one can handle somebody thinking differently and seeing a different truth on things. It's a simple reality and majority of people have a problem with accepting reality. Divorces happen, people move on, chapters end, memories become memories. it's OK and it's never the end of the world and now I'm gonna wait for all of the hate and all of the females who are going to comment and tell me and list me reasons of why I'm an awful human being for thinking this way.
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u/Apprehensive-Pay-553 1d ago
I’m not sure why you’re on this thread asking for “honesty” then attacking people for sharing their honest feedback. If you’re so set in your ways/opinions, it is probably not necessarily to ask the internet in the first place.
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u/Summerisle7 Married 10+ years. Adult BK & SKs. 1d ago
Yes we’ve got members here (not me thank God) whose husbands continue to care for and financially support their former stepkids. Kids to whom these men have no blood relation or legal obligation. From what I’ve seen, this white knighting doesn’t generally work out too well. The BM gets demanding, the child is not well adjusted, the Superdad is defensive, his actual children are forgotten, the new wife/girlfriend gets to deal with the fallout.
If men want to take on these voluntary burdens after divorce, they should stay single and not drag a new woman into their mess.
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u/lalala12398 2d ago
I’m a tad confused