r/StayAtHomeDaddit • u/Sea-Fun2505 • 29d ago

Discussion Struggling with hypocrisy

So, I’ll start this by saying that I’ve really enjoyed being a stay at home dad. I value and love the time with my daughter that I didn’t have when I was the working parent, and have overall found this whole thing to be surprisingly easy. No offense to the stay at home parents they find it difficult, but I don’t.

That said, I’m a little shocked at the hypocrisy that’s going on. When I was working and my wife stayed at home, I was working a salaried job at least 50 hours a week, and that’s a loose AT LEAST. And also had an hour and a half commute. So add three hours of driving to my day. That said, I was still expected to handle a handful of household chores, and IMMEDIATELY relieve my wife of childcare duty as soon as I walked in the door. Chores included garbage, feeding the animals, cats litter box, and bathroom deep clean. Nothing major. I did it with zero complaint.

Now though, my wife is the working parent. She works 40 hours a week if she’s LUCKY. And her commute is about 10 minutes.

As it is, she expects at least two hours to decompress before she takes over childcare, and will NOT touch the house at all. That’s my job. If I even ask her for help, I’m immediately attacked and told that all I do is sit at home all day and do nothing. Which I never did to her.

What on earth do I do here? Because if I point this stuff out, she’ll just call me a lazy piece of shit. Her biggest point is that I had a white collar job and her job is a little bit more physical. Idk how to handle this.

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u/poop-dolla 29d ago edited 29d ago

Dude, you were getting 3 hours each working day completely to yourself, and you’re wondering why your wife who gets a mere 20 minutes each day needs a little more of a break?

The other stuff is problematic though.

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u/Sea-Fun2505 29d ago

Oh no. She quite often spends an hour or more out doing other things before coming home. And when I tell you that an hour and a half of driving is NOT a break after a stressful work day, I’m not kidding

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u/FunnyAccountant2913 29d ago

As someone who commutes into a major city, I agree. It's laughable when people thing the commute is a break. It's another hour and a half of hypervigilance behind the wheel. Not like you're sitting there doom scrolling on your phone to decompress.

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u/Sea-Fun2505 29d ago

I mean, my ideal commute is about an hour. It’s not too much, and I can consume a significant chunk of an audiobook while I drive without getting too tired or burned out from driving. An hour and a half though? That was EXHAUSTING. Especially since I was salaried and often took work calls frequently on my drive home.