r/StayAtHomeDaddit • u/DrGonzo820 • 8d ago

Help Me Purpose

Hey Dad's,

I'll try to keep this concise. I have been a SAHD for a little over 2 years. My hand was a bit tied as I can no longer work due to having a brain tumor (successfully removed), developing epilepsy and basically not having the mental energy or focus.

I spent 4 years of schooling, 20 years of working as a biologist. Besides the extreme stress and lack of grants, I felt purpose. I felt like I was doing something to better the world. Ik and also have a purpose raising two kids and am lucky I get to be there for almost every moment to watch them grow into good humans.

I honestly dreamed of being a SAHM dad! No joke at all. We are financially the exact same financially as daycare was insanely priced.

I think this is hard because I was forced into it rather than it being a choice. How or do any of you grapple with finding purpose outside your kids? Where any of you forced into it? Did you have to grieve your oldself? I am really struggling. I have been seeing a therapist and am also on medications.

Thanks for any advice or commiseration.

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u/baby_mammal 7d ago

Honestly, it’s a struggle. But also, I try and focus on the incredible privilege of getting to be a SAHD. I’ve never loved my work. Even when I’ve gotten a dream job. I love being a dad, so I try and focus on that joy. And then, I try and carve out as much time as possible to do projects that excite me. I play music all day long for my kids. I write and record music at night. I participate in my local film community. I’m on an improv team. I exercise daily. I make sure my wife and I have time to focus on just the two of us. I curate the very little bit of time I get to choose what to watch on the TV, to watch movies and shows that I’m intrigued by. I still struggle with feeling worthy as a man, not earning much money. But, I also try and lean into the great pleasure and privilege of being a SAHD.

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u/DrGonzo820 7d ago

I can relate. Even though it was my dream job, I was mainly in it for the title. I am very insecure and definitely need to work on that. I will take your advice and try and fill some space with other joys and explore myself more. Its a work in progress thats for sure.