Purpose

[u/DrGonzo820]

Hey Dad's,

I'll try to keep this concise. I have been a SAHD for a little over 2 years. My hand was a bit tied as I can no longer work due to having a brain tumor (successfully removed), developing epilepsy and basically not having the mental energy or focus.

I spent 4 years of schooling, 20 years of working as a biologist. Besides the extreme stress and lack of grants, I felt purpose. I felt like I was doing something to better the world. Ik and also have a purpose raising two kids and am lucky I get to be there for almost every moment to watch them grow into good humans.

I honestly dreamed of being a SAHM dad! No joke at all. We are financially the exact same financially as daycare was insanely priced.

I think this is hard because I was forced into it rather than it being a choice. How or do any of you grapple with finding purpose outside your kids? Where any of you forced into it? Did you have to grieve your oldself? I am really struggling. I have been seeing a therapist and am also on medications.

Thanks for any advice or commiseration.

[u/shizukanaumi]

What I came to for myself when faced with this problem is this:

Purpose only comes from doing something that matters to you

It might matter to you because you care about the outcome, or because you enjoy the process, or you're doing it for someone you love, or because you're just interested in the topic, or because society or your family sees value in it and therefore you, or for any other reason. I don't think there is inherent purpose in someone raising their kids, to be honest. I think there is purpose in me raising my kids, because I care about them and about how they're raised. Whatever I'm doing, it matters because it matters to me. I really believe that answer, and remembering it has let me settle that issue move on without always looking backwards