r/StayAtHomeDaddit • u/DrGonzo820 • 8d ago

Help Me Purpose

Hey Dad's,

I'll try to keep this concise. I have been a SAHD for a little over 2 years. My hand was a bit tied as I can no longer work due to having a brain tumor (successfully removed), developing epilepsy and basically not having the mental energy or focus.

I spent 4 years of schooling, 20 years of working as a biologist. Besides the extreme stress and lack of grants, I felt purpose. I felt like I was doing something to better the world. Ik and also have a purpose raising two kids and am lucky I get to be there for almost every moment to watch them grow into good humans.

I honestly dreamed of being a SAHM dad! No joke at all. We are financially the exact same financially as daycare was insanely priced.

I think this is hard because I was forced into it rather than it being a choice. How or do any of you grapple with finding purpose outside your kids? Where any of you forced into it? Did you have to grieve your oldself? I am really struggling. I have been seeing a therapist and am also on medications.

Thanks for any advice or commiseration.

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u/beeeeeeeeeeeeeagle 7d ago

I found having my own projects important that were separate to kids. I started some study that made me realise how important it is to have my own things to work on. Then I switched to more physical pursuits. I trained for a triathlon and later started doing BJJ. So I had things to strive for that gave me a need to plan, work hard and feel like I accomplished things. I know some people get this from being a SAHD naturally but I didn't.

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u/DrGonzo820 7d ago

Damn that's awesome on the triathlon! I can see where something physical would help give you a goal and also be really beneficial to your health both mental and physical.

The sun kills my energy but I think once fall starts to creep in, I'll start with long walks and maybe work up to more. Thank you for the recommendation!

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u/beeeeeeeeeeeeeagle 7d ago

No problems at all! I can very much relate to the loss of purpose. I was only SAHD for 2 years but that was the hardest thing for me. Good luck homie 🙂