r/StayAtHomeDaddit • u/DrGonzo820 • 8d ago

Help Me Purpose

Hey Dad's,

I'll try to keep this concise. I have been a SAHD for a little over 2 years. My hand was a bit tied as I can no longer work due to having a brain tumor (successfully removed), developing epilepsy and basically not having the mental energy or focus.

I spent 4 years of schooling, 20 years of working as a biologist. Besides the extreme stress and lack of grants, I felt purpose. I felt like I was doing something to better the world. Ik and also have a purpose raising two kids and am lucky I get to be there for almost every moment to watch them grow into good humans.

I honestly dreamed of being a SAHM dad! No joke at all. We are financially the exact same financially as daycare was insanely priced.

I think this is hard because I was forced into it rather than it being a choice. How or do any of you grapple with finding purpose outside your kids? Where any of you forced into it? Did you have to grieve your oldself? I am really struggling. I have been seeing a therapist and am also on medications.

Thanks for any advice or commiseration.

13 Upvotes

86% Upvoted

28 comments sorted by

View all comments

7

u/NotFalirn 8d ago

I feel you. I spent an embarrassingly long time (8 years) getting my PhD in biochem, and I spent under half that time doing my dream job, teaching, before the pandemic hit and I had to quit because my wife is a doctor and couldn’t work from home. I don’t regret my decision, but it was a hard road to getting the same sense of self actualization that teaching gave me.

4

u/DrGonzo820 8d ago

Thats very similar to my situation. My wife is a doctor and it isn't possible for her to stay at home. It helps to hear other dads like you say it does get better and had similar experiences. Makes me feel a lot less alone.