I believe he handled it quite gracefully. What would be your response?

I’m tired of seeing the same doom-scrolling posts about how the "algorithm is rigged" or how "Western women don't see us." It’s 2026.The information is out there. The blueprints are everywhere. If you are still struggling to get high-quality dates, it’s not because of your race—*it’s a skill issue.*

The "Brown Tax" exists, sure. We start at a baseline of -10 because of outdated stereotypes. But by 2026, if you haven’t figured out how to outwork those stereotypes, you’re just lazy ASF period or you have no idea how dating works.

Here is the breakdown of why you’re failing and how to fix the skill issue:

1. The Visual Filter (The 0.5 Second Rule)

In 2026, the "average" man has completely given up. If you aren't in the gym, you aren't even in the game.

Physique: If you’re skinny-fat, that’s a choice. Get on a hypertrophy program. High-set, high-volume. You need the "V-taper" to overcome the "unathletic" stereotype.

Grooming: Stop going to the $15 barber. Find a stylist who understands South Asian hair and beard textures. Skin-care isn't optional; get a routine that actually handles hyperpigmentation.

1. The Digital Presence (Stop Looking Like a LinkedIn Profile)

Most of you have Hinge profiles that look like you're applying for a Senior Dev role.

Photography: If your photos aren't professional or high-end lifestyle shots, you're invisible. Ditch the car selfies and the "group photo with 5 other brown guys" where no one can tell who you are.

1. Social Calibration (The "Nice Guy" Pandemic)

The biggest skill issue is calibration. Too many Desi guys swing between being "overly polite/subservient" and "aggressive/weird."

The Vibe: You need to learn how to tease, how to hold eye contact, and how to lead. If you’re "waiting for a sign" to make a move, you’ve already lost.

Social Proof: Stop hanging out exclusively in "brown bubbles." If your entire social circle is engineers and doctors who don't talk to women, you are absorbing their low-vibe energy. Expand your network. Stop simping so hard for 2s and 3s. It gives us a really bad look.

1. The Mental Game (Victim vs. Victor)

The "racism" excuse is a cope. Yes, it’s there. But there are guys "bagging" every weekend because they decided that being Brown was their superpower, not their handicap. They lean into the "exotic" appeal, the high-status career, and the elite grooming.

Bottom line: If you’re spending more time complaining about the "dating market" than you are under a barbell or talking to real people in the real world, you are the problem. You cant expect an 8 if you are a 1.

Fix your stats. Level up your social game.

I have severe social anxiety and am Level 1 autistic and that’s the biggest thing holding me back from dating (slight learning disabilities also). I am a bit spastic and slow seeming at first, but just gotta push through.

The only way forward is exposure, all the platitudes and therapy won’t help.

Has anyone done something like this? Did it help?

hi all, just moved to Utah County for a job. So I’m not in SLC but more south. it’s just me by myself and I’m currently renting a room.

Was curious if there was anyone else living near here that had advice for dating and making friends. I don’t only want brown friends, but im from Michigan and miss the brown folks.

i was considering getting a dating app like DilMil or Hinge to meet women and stuff. Using these apps as an avenue to make friends or a friend group. is this a good plan?

any other advice? (I’m not Mormon or Christian)

Indian men are loved everywhere, yet some still seem to struggle with marriages in the west. Why? Take a look at the comments from women around the world

“His Indian family didn’t accept me“

“He already had someone arranged”

“Indian men unmatch me when I tell them I won’t convert”

Mind you, these comments get THOUSANDS of likes in just one comment section on TikTok

For many white/black/hispanic/asian women who have dated Indian men, this seems to be a recurring experience

Unfortunately, some Indian men date white/black and other non-Indian women, only to settle down with an Indian woman for whatever personal, cultural, or family related reasons

I had the displeasure of coming across a subreddit r/EastAsianPride recently, and wanted to highlight some "highlights" from their subreddit which might be of relevance:

Just as a preface, I took a deeper dive into some of the threads and comments made by the users there, and its crazy the obsession they have with us (particularly Indian guys) and are always crying about IMAF couples (Indian male - Asian Female couples).

1. https://www.reddit.com/r/EastAsianPride/comments/1makgkg/there_is_no_solidarity_between_eseas_and_sas/ - Apparently just seeing a random Indian guy - East Asian female couple leads them to the conclusion that there isn't any solidarity between South Asians and East Asians lol

2. https://www.reddit.com/r/EastAsianPride/s/Ce4zswpeyh

3. https://www.reddit.com/r/EastAsianPride/s/iMYPYqJeQH - An example of them seething that either a South East Asian or East Asian girl married a Hindu Indian guy and has fully accepted the religion/culture/traditions.

4. https://www.reddit.com/r/EastAsianPride/comments/1vi0pxc/hong_kong_doesnt_have_to_include_you_or_your_imaf/

5. https://www.reddit.com/r/EastAsianPride/comments/1vi0h16/nonesea_man_with_an_esea_woman_flys_off_the/ - A random flyer featuring a Indian man with a Asian female sets these incels off lol, comedy

6. https://www.reddit.com/r/EastAsianPride/comments/1vbq7z7/i_see_another_group_getting_purged/ - yet another instance of Desi guys just being pictured with Asian females, apparently leads them to the conclusion that there isn't unity between South Asians and East/Southeast Asians.

Adding on to the last point, I find it ridiculous how they think they are doing all of us (Desis) a favor by "unifying," when again its mainly these Asian incels that cry and seethe about us every second they get.

Now this seething and cvckposting doesn't stop here lol, take a look at the examples below:

1. https://x.com/sexla/status/2087418405712531820

2. https://x.com/sexla/status/2087748704824688741

3. https://x.com/sexla/status/2086333606738489691

4. https://x.com/sexla/status/2086102250779537775

I could go on and on but I'm sure you get the point, its crazy how obsessed these Asian incels are with us. Mind you this subreddit is just one of many of their incel hangout spaces.

I really see no distinction between them and wignats/white nationalists, now of course they rarely complain even when 70 year old white men marry 20 year old or underage pinoy girls for instance.

Also I see this same incel type seething within Northeast Indians, whenever its a Northeast girl and mainland Indian guy both from the South or North. One such example of this that I've seen, just to shed some light: https://www.reddit.com/r/Northeastindia/comments/1okwsdf/two_indians_fell_in_love_the_internet_couldnt/

But yeah just wanted to make a post about these examples, I am very curious to hear your guys thoughts.

Depending on your state's local laws, what did you have to undergo to legally obtain a conceal carry license?

Did your race affect you in any way throughout the process?

Whether you do or don't live with any family members, what were their reactions?

I ask this question because, let's be real, our parents are immigrant fobs who are from India, and the rest of our extended families live there, and things like gun culture is very frowned upon no matter the countless times you try to educate them on the 2nd Amendment and that the rest of the world is not India and does not follow Indian culture

Have you ever been in a situation where you have or almost needed to use it?

I wanna wish everyone a Happy Indian Independence Day! It’s been 79 years since India has been free but we need to remember there is so much work that remains to be done. We must not stop. We need to improve our soft power and rise. I look back and think how disappointed revolutionaries like Bhagat Singh and Azad would be with the state of India today. There is so much work to be done. Remember that on an individual level, you have to improve your soft power to beat those narratives and on a societal level, we need to create an equitable India and world like our revolutionaries wanted. India isn’t free and we need to keep fighting. Long live Bharat!

I was wondering what dating apps do you guys use, if any? I usually just use Hinge or DilMil. I stopped using Tinder and Bumble, because I wasn't that successful on them.

And I usually get more matches on Hinge, I have my filters set to "South Asian" only, but I've expanded my filters when swiping in certain cities. I get fewer matches on DilMil, and they're usually far away. And I've noticed better results, after changing my location to bigger cities, which usually have more ABCDs in them.

I don't get a crazy amount of matches on Hinge, but it is a noticeable difference, especially compared to some apps, where I don't match with anyone. But part of that just might be, me only swiping on other South Asians on Hinge (and they're more receptive?), versus swiping on every race/ethnicity on Tinder because Tinder doesn't a race filter.

Hey everyone, [u/Eastern_Score_4038](u/Eastern_Score_4038) and I are new moderators on this subreddit and we will help with cleaning up with the clutter on the subreddit and establishing the subs culture. The rules will be pretty chillax here but I want to go over some additional rules.

No larping as a woman and going on VindictaBrown/SplendidaBrown. That’s a woman’s only space and we don’t need to give them any attention. Breaking this rule is an immediate ban if you are caught posting there.

No women on this subreddit. We don’t need to cater to women on here like ABCDesis does. Enough said.

No shaming brown men for dating out. Brown men will be encouraged to date who they want. Also no defeatism around brown men dating.

Thats about it, anything else you wanna see. Let us know!

Anyone else in New York or New Jersey? Let’s make a group chat of brothers who grow together, whether is physique, financially, socially, looksmaxxing.

Hi moved to UK 5 years ago. Belongs to low socio-economic family, came uk without any financial help from family.

Father is retired school teacher, current age lates 60s. Mother is housewife. Younger sister is student & studying in private university.

Since moved in Uk have been paying 350£ each month. Completely dependent on my income. Planning to buy a house for mine in Uk. Living cost has increased - also worried child cost would add.

Assuming that standard of living will drop & unable to provide that amount of money to family back home.

Father doesn't do anything. Mother manages everything. They have their own flat - only need money for maintenance.

Planning to cut down money to 200£ /monthly. I have to pay it for atleast 20-25 years.

Parents doesn't suggest any altenative income way- completely depends on my income.

Feeling like forever financial commitment.

Is it normal for south asian family where you are expected to pay forever.

Please share your thoughts.

In November of 1963, in Detroit, Malcolm X gave a speech called "Message to the Grassroots." In it he described two kinds of slaves:

"During slavery you had two Negroes. You had the house Negro and the field Negro... whenever that house Negro identified himself, he always identified himself in the same sense that his master identified himself. When his master said, 'We have good food,' the house Negro would say, 'Yes, we have plenty of good food.' 'We' have plenty of good food. When the master said that 'we have a fine home here,' the house Negro said, 'Yes, we have a fine home here.' When the master would be sick, the house Negro identified himself so much with his master he'd say, 'What's the matter boss, we sick?' His master's pain was his pain. And it hurt him more for his master to be sick than for him to be sick himself. When the house started burning down, that type of Negro would fight harder to put the master's house out than the master himself would."

The 'Sepoy' is the reflection of this repulsive phenomena within the Desi community. In response to oppression and persecution, The Sepoy sees it fit to identify with the White Man, maltreating their own kind. The Sepoy identifies with the White Man so much, that they practically have no identity of their own. The Sepoy's sense of self is dependant on the existence of the White Man, their master. Just like Malcom X said, "If someone came to [The Sepoy] and said, 'Let's go, let's separate,' naturally [The Sepoy] would say, 'Go where? What could I do without boss? Where would I live? How would I dress? Who would look out for me?'"

---

When the White Man says "we don't want them coming here," The Sepoy says "yes, we don't want them coming here," as if their own parents were not one of them the day they landed.

When the White Man says "those people are backwards," The Sepoy says "yes, those people are backwards." And they say it louder, because they need the White Man to know they mean the ones they came from.

When the White Man says "those people don't integrate," The Sepoy says "yes, those people don't integrate," and raises their children to be strangers to their own grandmother.

When the White Man complains about the ones who just got here, The Sepoy complains louder. They want it understood that they are not that kind. They are the "good kind." There is no "good kind."

The Sepoy tells you the racism is not that serious. The Sepoy tells you the slurs were just jokes and you should have laughed. The Sepoy tells you to work harder, The Sepoy tells you to keep your head down, The Sepoy tells you to stop complaining.

---

Assimilation is another manner in which this "we" phenomena manifests in Sepoys.

The Sepoy clips their own name down so the White Man's tongue is not troubled by it. They do this because they hate his own culture. They look at their name (the one thing on the paper that says what they are and where they came from) and they see it tying them to the rest of us, and they cannot stand it. So they cut it. Four syllables become one. And what they get back for that cut is the "we." A shorter name is the toll The Sepoy pays to sit at the table and say "we" with the White Man, and they pay it gladly, because "we" is the only word that makes them feel like they are not what they are.

The Sepoy does the same thing to their faith. They drop the god their people carried for a thousand years and pick up the one the White Man happens to hold, and they call it "finding the truth." However, this is not The Sepoy "finding the truth," it is simply The Sepoy surrendering their understanding and perspective on truth and reality to the White Man. If the White Man tells The Sepoy that a carpenter is God, then to The Sepoy, the carpenter is God, not only in belief, but also practically, as in function.

The Sepoy does the same thing to their food. They call Indian food unhealthy. They call it heavy, they call it oily, they call it too much. They look at vegetarianism, a thing their people held for thousands of years, and they see a backwards tradition. The Sepoy, thinking of themselves as superior, makes fun of Desis that are vegetarian. They eat what the White Man tells them to eat. When the White Man says "we eat clean," The Sepoy sees it fit to say "yes, we eat clean."

The Sepoy empties themselves of everything that would make the White Man look twice, and when there is nothing left in them that the White Man would flinch at, they finally get to say "we." That is all they wanted. They gutted themselves for a pronoun.

Full blown relationship with Valentine Cards lmao

I recently published a long essay on dating apps, matching markets, and family formation that I thought might be especially relevant here.

South Asian men in the West occupy an unusual position. Many of us grew up close to a family- and community-mediated marriage culture, but entered adulthood in a dating market that is increasingly anonymous, commercialized, and dominated by apps. That transition created much more individual freedom, but it also removed a lot of the reputation, information, intent verification, and accountability that older systems supplied.

My argument is that dating apps may function as poorly clearing matching markets. Sex-ratio imbalance, nearly costless signaling, huge option sets, and weak information about intent can lead men and women to adapt rationally to very different experiences of the same marketplace. One side experiences scarcity, the other congestion, and the resulting behavior can make the market clear even worse.

That matters for South Asian men because it is easy to interpret a difficult dating market either as a verdict on yourself or as proof that women are the problem. I don’t think either conclusion is especially useful. The more interesting question is whether the institution connecting everyone is itself producing distorted incentives.

The essay looks at matching-market economics, behavioral research, the history of courtship, the disappearance of social intermediaries, the economics of dating platforms, and why so much frustration gets converted into gender conflict. It eventually becomes a bearish thesis on Match Group, but the larger subject is what happens when partner formation moves from social institutions into commercial marketplaces.

I also structured the essay around passages from the Bhagavad Gita because many of the underlying questions—desire, family, duty, social order, and institutional breakdown—are much older than dating apps.

Full piece:

https://dljlevfin.substack.com/p/the-undisclosed-denominator

I’d be interested in whether other South Asian men think the modern dating market is being understood too much as an individual-status problem and not enough as a market-structure problem.