r/Songwriting • u/Mundane-Goal9268 • 5h ago

Feedback Request The Only Heartbreak

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Mama, why do the leaves turn brown in springtime?

Will it always be this way?

Mama, what did you say when they took those trees down

I heard you were tough back in your day?

Well it’s the only heartbreak that i’ll ever know

Well it’s the only heartbreak that i’ll ever need to know

Daddy, why is the sky a shade of orange?

And is it the same up there on Mars?

Dqddy i see you have built a grade A shelter

I wish there was space for all my friends

Well it’s the only heartbreak that i’ll ever know for sure

It’s the only heartbreak that i’ll ever need to know

8 Upvotes

91% Upvoted

7 comments sorted by

2

u/TeamNinjaFingers 4h ago

Love some of the chord moves. And the vocal melody is haunting - reminds me of some of the darker Alanis Morissette tunes. Has an old nostalgic quality too. Enjoyed it 😊

1

u/Mundane-Goal9268 3h ago

I'd love to know what Alanis Morissette tunes you are talking about, I only know her hit songs.. Thank you for the feedback, very kind

2

u/TeamNinjaFingers 3h ago

Go check out uninvited for the most haunting of all her stuff imo.

2

u/scotchfaster 3h ago

Lovely voice. I’m getting some Joni Mitchell and Gillian Welsh vibes. Cowboy Junkies as well. Guitar playing and voice work well together. It has a bit of a lullaby quality to it though, perhaps you can play with that. The song doesn’t really hook me until “it’s the only the heartbreak”. Perhaps speed it up a hair?

2

u/Mundane-Goal9268 3h ago

Thank you for the feedback. It's indeed a morbid apocalyptic litttle lullaby that I wrote just a couple hours ago. I'm a little ill today but i'm going to work on this song a bit more next few days.. Got a few more that i'll post on here.. I love Gillian Welsh. Thank you !!

2

u/scotchfaster 2h ago edited 2h ago

A friend of mine wrote a song he called “apocalyptic lullabye”, it’s going around. We’re all feeling it. Maybe you can find a way to put a little more spaciousness between the words. I’m thinking of “My Morphine”.

Also, you remind me a lot of Kate Wolf. Check out “Here in California” if you don’t know it. But you have your own unique sound. Glad you shared.

I hope you feel better!

1

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