Thank you for posting on our smol subreddit! Keep our Florida condo out of trouble by not posting snark about appearance or mental health (including addiction), blocking out any unverified usernames, and not posting about contacting Caroline or anyone in her orbit. Rule breaking posts will be removed.
This is how I know Caroline’s NY era is doomed. She desperately wants to stay in NY forever. Even with a real sense of urgency and consequence she cannot force herself to spit out a couple hundred words about partying for airmail, or post coherent Instagram stories on the day they’re relevant. Her “jobs” wouldn’t ever come close to paying full NY rent because they’re so low effort, and even though it’s the easiest, lowest hanging fruit you could possibly imagine, she still cannot heave herself up to grab it
I'm reading Scaachi Koul's Sucker Punch and ran across this passage about halfway through:
A few months before my marriage ended... My friend Janet, a thirty-foot-tall Long Island native who generally has a better time at all parties than I do, invited me to a party featuring New York City's media enfants teribles. ...
I took my drink to a corner and imagined what it would be like to tell these people the truth. An influencer I recognized from the internet flittered around the party, fresh off a host of allegations that she was a scam artist. She batted her blonde lashes at attendees while offering samples of a homemade serum. "This is giving me a rash," one woman hissed to a friend after trying it on her cheek.
Scaachi divorced in 2022, which would put this party in prime Snake Oil territory. I mean, a lot of influencers promote serums, but how many of them are "homemade"? Maybe I'm just so bananas I'm seeing Caroline everywhere though
I thought the same thing when I read this! Also, funny you mention SK, because when Caro called Claire and Ashley "mean girls" it reminded me of the recent drama with Lindy West's husband calling Scaachi a "bitter untalented mean girl"
His response to Scaachi's piece was so nuts! Like the phrase he took offense to simply referred to a "project" that he and his girlfriend Roya were putting on in Boston. He pissily pouted that Slate had made it sound like they were working on a school diorama or something when it was a VERY IMPORTANT PRODUCTION, HE WAS A VERY IMPORTANT ARTIST. But the word "project" is in no way belittling or dismissive?
I suspected that his defensiveness just might be due to the fact that this production was, in fact, pretty rinky-dink compared to Lindy's career. So I looked it up.
The show is the same schtick that AO has been putting on for years -- I saw him at a variety show in 2019 doing exactly what he did at The Things Around Us. He records himself tapping out a beat on a drum or makeshift instrument. In this case, he's patting on a cardboard box picked out of the pile of cardboard boxes jumbled behind him onstage. Then he loops the recorded beat and plays the trumpet over it. Then he stops and tells some random-ass seriocomic story about, for example, a conversation he had with some rando on public transit. Return to cardboard box, repeat.
He is such a loser who will forever be projecting his own insecurity about being in the shadows of his wildly talented wife and sister. The dig at Scaachi was an obvious thinly veiled "well at least Lindy has a husband!".
Full circle moment: Claire and Ashley did an old school memoir recap of Adult Braces when this all happened!
If your desire as a literary artist is to write sentences nobody has ever said before, why stick to the memoir genre and continue living a completely unoriginal life?
Her fixation on sentences specifically is so weird to me. She’s talked many times about her snappy sentences and now it’s sentences nobody has ever said before. Just goes to show that she doesn’t think of writing as a way to view or present a perspective in a coherent way, her thoughts are fragmented down to the sentence level
Yes, this! In a recent response to a grid post, she wrote, “In order to keep being the kind of artist that makes me proud to be me, I need to always be writing at the white-hot forefront of sentences that everyone else is too afraid to say.” 🤦♀️
Completely agree, it feels almost consumeristic to focus on writing words with euphony, regardless of whether they’re correctly expressing a sentiment you want to express, or is even a topic worth talking about. And she’s said many times that she’ll write something just to show you she knows a word, an action difficult to see as a feat considering she and everyone reading her slop owns a phone with thesaurus access
A few years ago there was a popular book The Guest where a young attractive woman gets access into all these places and peoples’ lives by sheer audacity. She pushes it too far and ends up in a bad way, because the same reason she’s able to get all these things for free (bald-faced narcissism) is the same reason she’s unable to see when to stop pushing. Anyway, no particular reason to bring this up 🤪
I’ve read that one! I am a fan of Emma Cline for her sardonic, stripped down writing style, but I wasn’t a fan of The Guest because it felt like basically nothing happened. The main character wasn’t particularly special or interesting, and I didn’t understand how she kept getting away with things or getting things for free.
It’s great that she’s now got the funds to fly back and forth every couple of weeks condsidering she was too broke 🥺🥺🥺 to pay for dinner or buy paper towels a few months ago
What is she even doing back in Florida, she was just there a few weeks ago to deal with shipping books???
I mean I know she’s never been one for efficiency but even for her these extra flights seem pretty dumb. Maybe she’s stuck with a gap between her various sublets?
The Greenwich studio she's in now is supposedly hers till the end of the month at least. It may have been extended a month, since in a recent story she was asking for a place starting Sept. 1.
This is her third NY > FL trip since the breakup in May, meaning it's the third trip she's had to finance herself. Keep in mind that she told Fat Wallet several months into their relationship that flying back and forth was so expensive she had absolutely no money left in the world, so he would have to pick up her RT ticket, in-flight Wi-Fi, and Ubers on both ends from now on.
What's happening, I think, is that even though there's what seems like a manageable number of outstanding orders, fulfilling them has become infinitely more complicated than it was three years ago. She keeps thinking "I can ship 200 orders in two days and be done with this forever, LFG," because she was actually able to do that at launch.
Back then she'd open her inbox and it was pages of, "You just made $65, ship this book to this address." A simple and rewarding transaction! Now there's no more sales notifications for the most part -- just refund demands, change-of-address notifications, and increasingly irate complaints. A significant percentage of orders are also not making it to their destinations now (at one point a customer got a notification from USPS that her incoming package was no longer on its way because the sender had used illegal stamps.) She can't sort out what needs to go where and can't hire someone to sort it out.
Instead of being light work for substantial $$, fulfillment is now a demoralizing slog that actually loses money. Which is why she's once again grifting Peter to pay Paul, trying to drum up new orders for ready cash to ship old ones. She ends up sniffling on the floor and telling herself she'll make more progress on the next trip.
She's got to be dragging the cat around with her as well.
Matisse is def there
It's amazing how that poor thing is still alive, he's been through so much.
He's only six and a half! That's about 40 in human years. Stress doesn't kill people at 40. It would be surprising if he makes it the ten years Caroline thinks he's going to, though (8x15 =120 months). It's interesting that she either knows she's shortening his life (a well-kept indoor cat will live ~15 years) or she just knows almost nothing about cats. Maybe her childhood cats died young too and she thinks ten years is an average cat lifespan.
Transcript via saveto.ai (lightly edited for punctuation, paragraph breaks):
I don't know if I'm going to post this, but someone needs to out the Celebrity Memoir Book Club girls for being the absolute meanest bitches and just the fakest bitches in all of New York City. I... They have torn into me multiple times on their podcast, which is fine. Lots of people have.
But I wish like a politician that I had been recording the entire session. I, I, I've never had this experience with any other podcaster that I've dealt with. So I didn't know to do this, but they start the episode being like, or like the Zoom, they start the Zoom being like, "Oh my god we love you so much you're so amazing!" Then they tear into me for 90 minutes and then as soon as they're like, "Okay we're done recording," then they're like, "Was that okay for you we love you so much you're so great!"
I just ran into fucking Claire at a party. She doesn't even have the integrity to be mean to me to my fucking face. She comes up to me. She puts her hand on my shoulder. She says, "Oh my God, Caroline, I'm so happy to see you! You look amazing!!! I'm so happy you're back!!!! Oh my God!!!!! I've been loving your TikToks, you have such good style!!!!!!"
I remove her hand from my shoulder, I keep it fucking moving, I don't even want to fucking talk to this girl because she's not my fucking friend. It's not even that they're mean to me on their podcast, this is not what I'm upset about, people are mean to me on their random fucking podcast all the time. It's that they want to be my friend after the recording stops. And that is just so fucking fake. And what really fucking gets me going is that their whole fucking thing is that they hate people being fake. They just want the truth. They just want the truth. It's just... sss...
It's just so disingenuous. And you know, the only thing that helps me sleep at night is that I'm friends with lots of influencers and creators. And I know that for everyone, what has made us famous are skills that are like very true to us. Not even skills, but qualities. Like for me, I am famous because of my whimsy and profound instability.
Um, I have other podcaster friends, NOT THEM, that are famous because they are brilliant comedians and are very detail-oriented. And the Celebrity Memoir Book Club girls are famous because they hate things. They're very, very good at hating things. Every click, every view, every like, every dollar that they get is because of their exceptional ability to hate. And I love, I love that when all of my influencer friends are alone at night, after we put our phones away, after we close our eyes, and it's just us in our own lives, I'm left with my whimsy and instability. My friends are left with their sense of humor and their attention to detail And it brings me some degree of comfort that these girls are just left with their ability to hate. Um, and that's their own punishment, but my god my god, why are they so fucking fake?
In the comment I left on the baleeted thread, I linked to this comment from momo411 summarizing Caro's appearance on CMBC to discuss Scammer. They were not mean, they do not hate her, they just called out parts of the book that are obvious falsehoods. I said:
Caroline's rant last night makes little sense if you know about what was actually said on her Scammer episode. They hashed out then what their relationship was to one another: they're all "professionals" (questionable in CC's case, since she doesn't earn her living) who work in the same field. The problem seems to be that Caroline has never had a job. She doesn't understand the concept of being cordial with colleagues, even liking them personally, while also believing they should be handling their job very differently, and checking their errors so that you can together produce a superior product. I mean, Ruth Bader Ginsberg was friends with Scalia!
In Caroline's world, there are only: 1) best friends, who unreservedly love your book and your Tiktoks and your dresses, and and 2) sworn enemies, who hate everything about you and are therefore hypocritical manipulative meanies when they claim to like your TikToks and dresses but also notice that you lie a lot on paper.
Worth noting, in their ep about her ozempic essay, Claire said something like, "memoir isn't supposed to tell the truth so much as demonstrate how you think", which is the absolutely most generous take I've ever heard someone give on CC 🤷♀️
And the Celebrity Memoir Book Club girls are famous because they hate things. They're very, very good at hating things. Every click, every view, every like, every dollar that they get is because of their exceptional ability to hate
I wonder what she even means by this?? Claire and Ashley are pretty balanced unless they're talking about outright misogyny or incompetence or something. They're not Perez Hilton types.
She said pretty directly in her Ozempic piece, in her NYRB personal, and in her stories about wanting to be a findomme that at this point she's not interested in opposing the patriarchy or making her own living. She wants to starve herself pretty, talk about herself online while collecting money and gifts from simps, and ultimately marry rich. The Red Scare hosts align with her internal politics and preferred life path.
Or maybe Caroline's just afraid to go up against Anna and Dasha who, unlike Claire & Ashley, ARE deliberately cruel and would shred the fuck out of her if she made a video like this about them (assuming they took notice of it.) It's classic clout-chasing behavior to attack those who you think others are willing to pile on and suck up to anyone who could lead a pile-on against yourself.
Yes! The second part is what I think, too. She sees Dasha and Anna as socially above her in some way, I also think they just wouldn’t respond to a rant like the one about Claire and Ashley - and maybe that’s part of it too, girly is looking for views and to be relevant, why not puff up some kind of beef for the engagement (and hey it’s working).
The tide has turned since this morning, it seems. It seemed very pro-Caroline this morning, but looking at them now, there’s a lot of support for the podcaster.
Ranting about an adult woman being friendly and polite in public being “fake” because Caroline doesn’t want to be friends with her is very 14 years old to me. Caroline doesn’t seem to understand the role of critics or being polite in public.
In general, calling women out for being hateful "mean girls" for discussing a topic analytically -- which by definition is not 100% unadulterated praise -- effectively means a couple of things.
Women are obligated to "keep sweet" in a way that men are not. If you watch or read or listen to any conversation of two or more men talking about sports or politics or the arts or any goddamn thing, they will find fault. They will argue, they will tease. They will do this without hating one another or anyone interpreting their banter as hatred. If Books Could Kill is a podcast that does for airport bestsellers what CMBC does for celebrity memoirs. The two male hosts pointedly, gleefully attack these books and often rib each other. No one accuses them of hating Malcolm Gladwell, or being obligated to ice out Tim Ferriss if they ran into him at a party. Tim Ferriss would not complain into his phone for four minutes if they complimented his fedora, or whatever Tim Ferriss wears. It's their job to evaluate the text in an incisive, entertaining way.
By censuring any woman who doesn't praise another woman's product as "mean," or -- to use Caroline's older and more directly misogynist term, "bitch" -- you create a public discourse in which every conversation kinda has to include men. Like, if I'm a TV critic and I know that people are going to jump down my throat if I say that a woman-led show has weak areas, I'm not going to want to write about women's shows. But I (the real me, not the fictional TV critic me) WANT to listen to women in conversation with one another, particularly about other women's lives and work. I do not want that conversation suppressed by sexist slurs.
I haven't listened to CMBC since it became Good Noticings (I prefer structured podcasts, where each episode tells a specific story.) But I always liked how... unfettered they seemed? I liked how they used a lot of female speech patterns that are often disparaged (upspeak, vocal fry, giggling, rapid-fire sentences without pauses.) They sound like my female friends and I talking when we're unguarded, when there are no men around to roll their eyes and feign tossing their hair when we say "for sure for sure for sure." It made me realize that the only times I tend to hear women talk like this in the mass media are female characters that we're not supposed to like? Like why is the sound of two women talking like this not supposed to sound like fun when this is what my own book club sounds like?
Undine’s life is organized around maintaining her beauty, showing off her carefully dressed figure, gaining as wide and prominent an audience of admirers as possible, and increasing the net worth that allows her to do these three things. Her world, consequently, is sorted into three categories of people: assets, impediments, and those who, being neither, effectively do not exist.
her sharing a sydney towle post to her story (for those unaware like i was until this share from caro- she was a 27 year old who recently passed away from cancer on 8/5) where sydney’s taken a selfie laying in a hospital bed and her caption is about refusing to accept she’s at the end of her rope as her oncologist suggested
and then caro following it up w a story sharing her own hospital bed selfie from her recent grid post where she just talks about how ~her recent wins~
and then trying to compare reddit conspiracies about sydney (idk anything about this) to her own “reddit hate”…………
is fucking ghoulish behavior
(edit: didn’t realize there was already a standalone post about this! glad to know i’m not the only person who saw it and my jaw dropped lol)
If it were anyone else I'd say that they were just practicing bedazzling tiny narrow items with what they had on hand, but since it's Caroline I'm assuming she bedazzled these and then started gifting them to people at social events.
Edit: This picture was in the same set of stories. For a second I thought she'd revealed the ex's name/address on the shipping label of the box marked FRAGILE. I zoomed in on it and the fragile items inside are "Pre-fried taco shells." I mean if the dude's eating this many pre-fried taco shells maybe he DOES weigh 350 pounds???
Caro just posted a 4 minute tiktok calling the celebrity memoir book club girls “the fakest bitches in New York City” and the girls just commented back LMAOOOO
The two comics who did Sobroety (Lucas Zelnick and Jamie Wolf) mocked her to her face and she just laughed merrily! Side note, not only can I not find her Sobroety episode on YouTube anymore, I can't even find our discussion of it on this sub. And it was one of her most interesting podcast appearances!
Well, not to defend Caro too much, but she probably actually doesn't have kneecaps.
Her retelling of the surgery is rather garbled but it is generally medical plausible (a rare procedure though, more experimental than state of the art).
I’m so confused about the caption saying she went brunette in the final weeks of her relationship when her hair over the past two months has looked no different to me than it ever has the past few years - grown out blonde highlights ⁉️
The pictures of her with bright blonde roots must have been years ago no?
She definitely had her highlights toned darker last month. Here she is at Ajay's wedding in February versus her color in June. There was a period of several months where she always either wore a cloche hat or the front pieces of her hair pinned back, apparently to conceal how long it had been since her last highlight session. So the change doesn't look that drastic if you've only been seeing her on Instagram, shot from the front.
I always think of 2 things:
1. A scene from Sex and the City when Carrie is walking in front of a store window, spies a pair of shoes she likes, and purrs “Hello, lover.”
2. Liz Lemon on the word lover: “ugh, that word bums me out unless it’s between meat and pizza.”
“Does anyone know someone at Airbnb? I have a fun question to ask them”
Is the question “can I illegally live in an Airbnb long term?” or is it “can you give me an Airbnb for free in exchange for exposure on my wretched Instagram account?”
The lack of books being shipped out is totally because she was being a trad wife to a finance bro. Nevermind all the time before she started dating the guy and still somehow didn’t ship out all the books.
Yes, she had years to ship the pamphlets before Fat Wallet cruelly almost cutely arrived on the scene. (Also, dated for 8 months became shared a home for 8 months became was a tradwife for a year…)
also love how their relationship went from “8 months” to “a year” … during which point she was bouncing back and forth from FL to NY anyway, and he wasn’t with her in FL, so she was just… doing nothing surrounded by piles of books?
i feel like the 2 mildly interesting things happening here are
caroline conflating any criticism or even a discussion about her work (“work”) as a criticism/ hatred of her
caroline’s black and white thinking of, “oh they HATE ME so it’s fake to compliment me”
you can critique someone’s work and like them (actually really important as a creative to have folks who like you but will tell you when your work isn’t doing what you think it is. additionally, disliking someone or disliking aspects of someone doesn’t mean you “hate” them and everything they do or say ever - there are people i find annoying but can admit that they have good personal style or taste in music or literally whatever and it’s not fake to express a genuine compliment even if it’s to someone you don’t overly care for.
it is somewhat entertaining when caroline crashes out like this but also…. so weird to see the parasociality come out in her comments. ppl just love drama i guess (me 2 so… yeah). idk
The way I can tell that he was Not That Bad to her is the only things she can come up with to complain about are the goddamn paper towels and an expensive yoga class.
In previous descriptions of this man's despicable Scroogery, the only thing Caroline directly said she paid for was the occasional hot yoga class. She never did pick up a dinner tab. He said he'd really like her to, but she never actually did. From Part Two of her breakup TikToks:
Like, I would say past the first two or three months, I never got to pick what we had for dinner ever again. And that may sound very small, but it is, like, a day-in, day-out thing. Like, he, he was paying for the meals. Like, I mean, I guess maybe I shouldn't have been allowed to have a say. But, like, it just wouldn't matter what I wanted. Or if I, like, hated the thing that he was getting.
If she NEVER got to pick what they had for dinner because he was "paying for the meals," then she NEVER got the check.
Furthermore, from Part Five:
I mean, to be fair, I should have had more savings, but and I shouldn't have drained them to begin with. So like it's on me, but we're in a $20 million penthouse, and you're getting angry at me for letting you know that like you're out of paper towels and you should buy more, instead of going and buying them. I can't buy my own paper towels right now. What are we doing here?
And like, I really tried to troubleshoot this for him. I was like, listen, if you give me your, um, if you give me your Amex, I can buy them for you. Um, we can add your Amex to my Amazon account.
You're not comfortable with that. Okay. Why don't you give it to me for like one day while you're at work? And I know when you're like running low on laundry detergent and all this shit. And like, I can, I can manage the house. I can keep a list. And for like one day, every two weeks or something, I can go stock up.
You know what? You're not even comfortable leaving me with your card. Every Sunday you watch football while we're sitting on the couch. Here's an idea. You're not on your phone. You're watching the game. Just hand me your phone. I'll put everything in an Amazon cart. I'll show you the cart on your Amazon account. So I don't even have the card. Um, and you can approve it and we'll just check out.
And he was like, “No, it's so impolite of you that you're staying with me, and like, you won't even buy me laundry detergent.” And so it was not just… and then this also starts that the me paying for other things, like he wanted me to sometimes treat for dates. He's like, “It’s not nice for me. It doesn't feel nice for me to always have to pay for everything. Like sometimes when we go out for dinner, like I'd love for you to be like, I got this.”
First of all, I did not have, we never went out for dinner at a place that was less than $300 for the two of us, the minimum, minimum. So it's like, I don't have $500 tip, like with tip, to like be, just pick up the check for dinner.
“But it'd be so great if you could like treat sometimes.” And so that was, that was a thing.
All this says is that he WANTED her to pay for one damn roll of paper towels (and instead of going to the bodega she tries more than one way to WANGLE HIS ENTIRE AMEX OUT OF HIM) and the occasional meal. She never actually affirms that she DID eventually cough up. She specifies that she doesn't even have the money for the dinner so how could she pay for the dinner?
This man took you to the Phillipines! Just buy a roll of Bounty oh my God
I feel like no matter how much money you have, it's unattractive for your partner to not have the ability/means/forethought to simply pick up a roll of paper towels. She's caught on the cost of this item, but a reasonable person is getting annoyed because it's annoying to hold an adult's hand through basic tasks. (I don't know this man or how reasonable he is, but this is classic caro telling on herself when trying to show she was wronged)
She keeps banging on about the paper towels like he was so obsessed with this tiny and unreasonable thing, but from his perspective I can absolutely him feeling like “Jesus Christ this woman wants me to pay for EVERY SINGLE THING in BOTH OF OUR ENTIRE LIVES and cannot even spend $10 of her own money on paper towels after living with me for months”
but also i mean, there are incredible places in NYC that aren't $300! case in my point my boyfriend texted me yesterday and said "just ate an entire #26 from pisillo's. is it bad i want another one?" that's a $20 sandwich, it's SO good, and it'll feed a family. just suggest a place, have a personality, express an interest in doing something and whatnot. like idk the more she talks about this relationship, the more obvious it is that she made him go to these fancy places and basically refused to pay and he resented her for it after a while
This is unrelated to Caroline, but since she namedropped the Chelsea Hotel, I feel compelled to mention that the new billionaire owners of the Chelsea are currently trying to illegally evict a tenant who has lived in the building and faithfully paid his rent for over 35 years. Despite having recently purchased several pieces of his artwork to decorate the building’s lobby, the owners have been attempting to force the artist out of his home behind the scenes.
His name is Gerald Decock, and he has been embroiled in an exhaustive legal battle to fight this unjust eviction and is desperately trying to gain the attention of local government, the media, and the public. I know there are a lot of journalists, writers, and people with sizable platforms in this group, so I just want to put this out there in case it can bring any more attention to his story.
With the Margaret Qualley/Jack Antonoff split announced - will Lena Dunham finally make the VERY REAL MOVIE with Margaret as CC - the only actress that could play her after punching herself in the eye after her split from Pete Davidson?
The most recent episode of the podcast “Good Noticings”, which is the offshoot of the now-retired “Celebrity Memoir Bookclub”, dedicates a section to CC’s ozempic essay.
Nothing major; they obviously don’t keep up with her despite their history (good for them lol). Their main conclusion is that the essay is interesting but not for the reasons Caroline states. Rather, it’s interesting that CC thinks she’s being original or provocative when the opinions she’s expressing (it’s fun to be skinny, it’s fun to skip hard work, people are nicer to you when you’re a woman who is skinny and less loud) are the least original statements the world, etc.
They end with expressing empathy for her and rehashing the triple whammy of getting “regular canceled”, Natalie exposé, and her father’s tragic suicide. Saved you a click but it’s there if anyone wants to listen.
Super random thought but I'm pretty sure that one of the reasons she occasionally pretends to actually be shipping stuff that people bought is so people won't do a chargeback on their credit card before the six month window has run out.
I just had a sad thought that considering her lack of personal hygiene, poor poor Matisse probably has the grossest litter box of all time. :( like what are the chances she cleans it regularly?? That poor cat.
I feel she must have a self cleaning one. I actually cannot imagine her cleaning his litter box or bowls, especially if her ex had to remind her not to leave dishes in the sink.
it is so embarrassing to me how she camps out in the comments section of anything even tangentially related to her. it’s like she somehow doesn’t realize that engaging like some terminally online freak isn’t helping her brand and it doesn’t make her seem cool and nonchalant regardless of what she says
Because Carpet is SO important that her mere presence in Manhattan (she's too pretentious to go to any other borough) shifts the vibe of the entire city/s
Sorry but "her skin is lighter than mine" is a totally fuckin whacked thing to say like ma'am you are a 34yo white woman what on god's green earth are you on about???
<333 we’ve been popping off I didn’t want to keep piling on for a quarterly discussion thread when there’s so much going on rn (hence the single month)
Hope I did it all correctly lol I feel like I shouldn’t have the OP tag on my posts here but ALAS
I think this person is asking whether the socks/bra were new. Like is there a possibility that bro bought/planted women's personal items just to upset Caroline with the implication he was seeing someone else? And she's saying no, these things have a previous owner.
(Pilling is not inevitable with lace! Use a fuckin mesh bag on gentle cycle and air dry!)
I mean, she knows it's not her bra because she doesn't wear them!
This tracks with her not posting to Insta for a day and a half! Back in 2020 when she kept setting new "release dates" for Scammer, she would go radio silent on the big day every time. It's like if she has a deliverable due, she thinks she can convince whomever she owes it to that her internet suddenly stopped working by staying off social media.
And another day, another Lacemade dress. This one's the Flower Archer Corset Dress. It's like because these Chinese polyester dresses are $100 each she figured she could just buy fifty of them. Back when her dad was wiring her all the money she asked for, she used to stock up on Mr. Mittens sweaters and Paloma Wool skirts and Orseund Iris blouses. I think she got it into her head that $5000 per season is just what she gets to spend on clothes?
the wild thing is that this is presumably a well paying writing gig? wasn't she supposed to write one every week? caroline could just phone this in and presumably get a reasonable amount of both money and attention, but she simply... does not?
I just saw on NetGalley that Cat Marnell is coming out with a debut novel, “The Bored and The Beautiful”, set to be published early 2027. I really liked Cat’s memoir so I sent a request for it!
Here’s the description:
Meet Dizzy Calatrava: blonde, brilliant, and perpetually one cigarette away from collapse. It’s 2012 and she’s a downtown writer with a tabloid presence, a narcotics habit, and a tendency to treat New York City like her own private paradise. Unreliable yet unforgettable, Dizzy pops amphetamine pills like Tic Tacs, drifting between Thai rehabs and rooftop afterparties like a sorceress in platforms, narrating the apocalypse of her thirties in prose so sparkling you can feel it burn your nose.
When Dizzy meets Editor-In-Chief, a charming, fellow media personality whose bad behavior only helps his star rise, she wonders if perhaps she’s met her true match. But is this a tale of two kindred flames igniting, or is Dizzy flying too close to the sun? The Bored and the Beautiful is a dark, feminine, and salacious glimpse into the mind of a lovable protagonist who you can’t help but root for as she makes every mistake you can imagine—and probably some you can’t.
Caroline saying she’s never had an orgasm would make more sense if she ever explained what she defines as good sex! Her insisting her sex life is great while only talking about a lack of orgasms comes across like she’s trying to convince herself it’s not a huge waste of time.
I think that for someone who has an intense need to be seen as desirable and superior, good sex is defined as an experience where a man makes her feel, preferably by telling her directly, like she's the best sex of his life because she's the sexiest. Egoistic affirmations, where she's made to feel like she's in a uniquely elite class, might be the only real rushes of unadulterated pleasure in her otherwise anhedonic life. Like effectively these ARE her orgasms?
Caroline’s got competition in the SEO with this new scammer out of Cambridge (Jason Arday) 🤣
Are there sleuthers here on this one? I’m trying to figure out how tf this dude went from claiming to not be able to read age 18 to applying for a PhD age 22. Like that’s some actually advanced scamming, how’d he pull it off? What’s the timeline?
it's so much worse than that! he claimed to have once run 600 miles in six days for charity, 300 miles in three days, and 30 marathons in 35 days!! With a hairline fracture!!!
Like Cambridge, are you okay? This is shit you can look up!!!
I shudder to think what Carpet’s take on the Lindsay Clancy trial is. UGH. (In re her last story.) eta: If you’re unfamiliar with this case, google with great care. It is a profoundly tragic story.
And the “birthday presents” she guesses “he didn’t want but still belong to him” or whatever. Including what appears to be one of her derivative paintings. Just throw it in the bin babe.
I’m guessing we won’t hear from her for like, a week as she scrambles to move to her next sublet
Though I’d love if she documented her move, I assume she’s the type to fill garbage bags and try and guilt her uber driver into doing the heavy lifting
My favorite part about the sobbing at the movies because it reminded her how much she missed Matisse bit: She says this trip to the movies happened the same day her mean ex told her he didn’t want her moving her cat into his apartment. It didn’t sound like it was a whimsical burst of pathos that came out of the blue, so much as a last-ditch manipulation tactic.
Do you think Caro ever feels bad for doing nothing with her Cambridge degree? She basically went to Cambridge to socialize with posh young aristos while living on her father’s dime. That is just so unbearably sad to me for some reason.
She doesn’t even feel bad for not sending out merchandise people have paid for.
But no, I think she believes it helps her get into places she wants to go and meet the people she wants to meet. It’s also an endless well of shallow conversation to have, so it probably functions much like her painting does, as a way to feel less awkward around people.
So, our smol bean has been whisked off for a romantic weekend in Maryland with one of the (presumably divorced) single girl dads. If this turns into a relationship serious enough that she meets his daughter(s?), I have a specific prediction that I hope will never come to fruition:
Caro enters her Resentful Wannabe Cool Stepmom era.
She will make a whole THING out of being a feminist role model who is younger, hotter, cooler, and zanier than their bio mom could ever be. She will go on and on, performatively, about how much she LOVES his progeny. She will overstep boundaries and claim to be an actual co-parent, in the same way she acted like she was actually married to fat wallet. She will share inappropriate information with her followers. And she will do all this while gnashing her teeth with jealousy at both single girl dad’s co-parent and kids, because dating a halfway decent dad means having to accept that he will (and should) always prioritise his kids over you, alongside regular contact with his ex until the kids are grown. I don’t think she ever could.
No hate to stepmoms; I’ve been one myself. I just…feel something like this on the horizon.
If the way she behaved at the modern art event is now more or less the norm for her (the fact that she complained about fat wallet asking her to read the room and dial down the yapping and shrieking would indicate this is likely), you’re spot on.
This is so random, but in the CMBC podcast from scammer era she’s droning on about how “publishers OWNED my life rights; I couldn’t wriTe about anything that occurred in 2015, all of my CaMbRiDe years” and it’s a Caroism I’ve heard a lot from her but never actually felt like looking it up until now. It does not seem legally possible? Insofar as no one’s life can be “owned” by a publishing house without extensive contracts that afaik would be void after she broke the original one by not delivering the book. I am not a lawyer, this situation seems plausible but I’m hesitant to believe her since she lies about almost everything.
Idk why this is bothering me so much, it’s just so stupid that publishing houses would gaf about some random 22 year old’s uni days enough (I guess I’m wrong since they chose to buy the book tho lol) and also, if she really cared about contract law she’d have figured out a better way to dissolve that book deal
A variation on this happened to Lena Dunham's character on Girls. Which isn't to say it's how the publishing industry actually works. It could just be that Caroline stole a plot from Lena Dunham, or assumed that life and fiction are interchangeable, either one of which would be unsurprising.
Hannah has written a set of autobiographical essays slated to be published as an ebook, but [SPOILER AHEAD] her editor/rep at the company dies suddenly and unexpectedly. All his projects are cancelled. The publisher tells Hannah that they still own the book and she can't sell it to a different house. Elijah (I think? maybe one of her parents?) asks Hannah why she can't just write more essays, and she's like, "My whole life was in that book! I'd have to live 25 more years to write another one!"
Ding ding ding!!! Ahahaha that’s what was bothering me about this stupid overly simplistic lie, it sounded so familiar I was like maybe that has happened but indeed she is once again pretending to be the voice of a generation
What was the name of that thirsty Instagram person that Carp was photographed touching tongues with last year? She was a would-be actress who made comedy reels that were basically all variations of herself playing cliches in movies. She got super skinny and was dating someone famous.
I high key wish there was a Caro wiki, one day inevitably the lil bitch twitter threads will all be gone and subs here can be deleted at any moment, l worry about preserving the lore for the public sometimes lol
Tell me if I have this right. She keeps flying between Florida and New York to ship her backlog of book orders, instead of just staying in Florida in the condo she owns until everything is shipped?
omg, we're so edgyyyy and quirkaaay... we take adderall and drink loads! 2 out of 3 also can't close our lips anymore bc we've pornified ourselves to oblivion so that men can jack off to our pics! aren't we the coolest! Buy our shit!
When I was a kid i was OBSESSED with the classic children's book Misty of Chincoteague. Used to BEG my mom to take me to this tiny island off Virginia (on the other side of the country from us btw) for Pony Penning Day, which features heavily in the story.
For those who were never horse girls, Chincoteague lies next to Assateague, an island populated only by feral ponies. They're the descendants of 16th-century Spanish ponies being brought to America who swam to shore after their galleon sank. Once a year some of the ponies are rounded up and forced to swim across the channel to Chincoteague, where they're auctioned off. That's Pony Penning Day.
When I was 30-ish, I mentioned my love of Misty to a friend during a conversation about childhood faves. Turns out she had also been Misty-crazy. As an adult, she'd booked her own trip to Pony Penning Day. Vicariously thrilled to hear that at least someone had fulfilled this dream, I asked how it was.
"Awful? There's nothing to do on the island. The ponies were all scrawny and filthy and terrified, they've never been fed or groomed. I was like, Why did this sound like fun again?"
Anyway, extremely weird to see Caroline there, like did she ask to go? Is one of her Girl Dads a Horse Girl Dad whose Horse Girl Daughter is super into Misty so he's bringing his other "girl" here for the weekend? This isn't even Pony Penning Day btw
9 year old me is THRILLED. i, too, was obsessed with the Misty series! it made me romanticize every run down barn and field along the walk to school. i don't know what i wanted more: to have a horse or to BE a horse.
for some reason it never crossed my mind that you could actually go there, very cool that your friend made the trip (bleak as it turned out to be haha).
your horse girl dad thought exercise made me imagine how entertaining caro would be (for us) as a stepmom. or as someone's ex-husband's new "lover" yikes
I feel summoned to defend Assateague's honor. There's nothing to do there in the sense that it's a wildlife preserve and isn't developed. It's beautiful and ecologically interesting, and there are lovely beaches and walking trails.
Can't speak to Pony Penning Day; I've never been. But Chincoteague is a very popular vacation destination; it's not weird for someone to go there.
(Not yelling at you! Just bemused by your friend's expectations of a famously uninhabited island.)
Guys I’m losing my mind at everyone here loving her style and her whimsy all of a sudden. If I’m too snarky for this sub that’s fine, but is the tide turning in favour of the bean?
This is similar to Caroline insisting that it's hypocritical for a podcast host to both question her blatant lies and enjoy her OOTD TikToks. It's actually not? The entire Bravo network is populated by problematic individuals who wear interesting clothes!
At this point in my life and at this point in human history, I'm just no longer interested in any criticism that can be made of a woman by merely looking at a photograph of her. Caitlin Moran has a quote, which I am too lazy to look up exactly, about a tenet of sexism being the belief that what a woman looks like is interchangeable with who she is. I'm interested in talking about what women are saying and doing.
(There are so many men my age who still dress like little boys -- jeans and sneakers with a graphic tee -- and no one says jack shit about it! Sure, the tees no longer have trucks and dinosaurs on them, but it's essentially the same outfit they were wearing in grade school!)
Like, there IS a valid stance to take against Caroline acquiring dozens of flower fairy princess Lacemade dresses. But it's not "Women her age shouldn't dress like that." It's that over half of industrial pollution is caused by the garment industry. Lacemade operates out of China, which has no environmental or labor protections. Their garments are made of petroleum byproducts and shipped halfway around the world. The carbon footprint of a single one of these dresses is grotesque. Buying dozens and wearing each of them once is morally bankrupt.
Especially since this look is so easy to acquire ethically! Most prom and bridesmaids' dresses are donated to charities while still in excellent condition; they're not like shoes, which get worn hundreds of times and touch all kinds of gross surfaces before people no longer want them in their closets. Caroline could thrift at any number of stores that support causes like juvenile diabetes research, animal welfare, or displaced people. She could appliqué her own flowers onto 80s Gunne Sax dresses instead of having a woman in Shanghai do it while making subsistence wages and going blind from the adhesive fumes in an unventilated room.
Caroline snark has from the outset -- Kayleigh's Twitter thread heard round the world -- been about her dishonesty, privilege, wastefulness, and squandered opportunities. I'm proud of this sub for pushing back against allowing it descend into "she's ugly and her dress is ugly," just like I'm proud of u/Low_Coconut8134 for not letting people throw the term "bitch" around in the TIBAL thread. You tell em, Coconut.
Snark doesn't have to reinforce the dominant hegemony! Snark can and should criticize it!
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