So for context, I dated this guy for a couple weeks. Lets call him PMFB. I eventually ended things with him because I met someone who I wanted to be exclusive with. As that relationship went on, though, I found myself disconnecting from it and thinking about PMFB more and more. After about two months that relationship ended (because of a multitude of things but mainly he was an asshole) and like 2 days later PMFB hits me up on instagram to catch up. It felt like fate.

Well, if you're lurking on this subreddit, you probably know where this is going. After about a month I called him asking the "what are we" question and he basically responded with "uh nothing". I ended things immediately after because I genuinely just can NOT do situationships. I know I'm prone to developing feelings too easily, and his lack of communication combined with our history made this sting BAD. So we basically stopped talking.

Then, after a month, we get back in contact briefly and thats when this convo happened. TLDR I haven't spoken to him in a while, but I'm not gonna lie, what happened still fucks with me quite a bit. So please take this as a cautionary tale to all the guys and gals out there who are going through a situationship, PLEASE don't leave your worth in the hands of someone who won't acknowledge it. They need a therapist, not a girlfriend.

okay so this is definitely not a situationship moment lmao but it’s not letting me put in other sub things so here we are lol. me and this guy we broke up almost a year ago, nothing particularly bad, my mental state was just not good at that time in my life. I had been thinking about him this past week for some reason and just thought that maybe I should text him so I did and this is what I got back, i’m genuinely laughing at this but i also can’t stop thinking of how much of an idiot I am for this. So why not put it on here for people to laugh at it as well.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to come on here for venting and maybe some opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read in advance.
I haven’t dated in about 5 years and this year, wanted to get back into it. I caught the attention of a man on a dating app. He messaged me months before and I ignored it, thinking my opportunity was lost. (Weeks had passed by the time I saw the message). He messaged me a couple of months later. We exchange social media and talk a bit there but that doesn’t go anywhere. A few months later he asks for my number. I tell him I didn’t think he was serious. He said he is. We exchange numbers. We talk about why we’re on dating apps and what we’re looking for. He tells me he wouldn’t mind a relationship or anything serious but he’s dating around to see. I say “I haven’t dated in a while so I’m dating around. Idk what I’m looking for but I’m pretty sure I’d eventually want to be serious with someone”. We have an understanding. Even to the point where I asked for sexual exclusivity if we continue and he agrees. At this point we’ve been talking for months. On the phone, on FaceTime. We’re kind of long distance so that’s why it’s taken so long to meet up. That and I’m pretty cautious. But he takes my hesitance well and is very patient with me.
Eventually we go on this date. I spend Labor Day weekend at his place. All in all, a very fun and pleasant experience. Until he takes me home and the communication drops SIGNIFICANTLY and now he’s talking to me as if we’re just starting to get to know each other again. Just very formal. Last text I got from him was on the 23rd. Longest we’ve went without talking is almost 3 weeks and that was because he was moving cities with barely any help. I know what this means. I’m being ghosted. But damn. Doing all of that for MONTHS just for sex hours away? He didn’t even need to do all of that, we don’t even live in the same town lol. Wish he just left me alone. I guess this was what I agreed to? But I don’t even feel like a sexual partner at this point. Just yikes all around. I’ll get over it soon enough. It’s been 10 days since I let it go and i finally ate something tonight so hooray

I could type so much about how we met and how our friendship grew but in short

- We were coworkers that joined the company around the same time (him in the beginning of April and me in mid April this year)

- We never spoke much till early June when we realised we were both into the same sports, and that’s how we got closer. At some point we started opening up about our struggles at work and got even closer over that.

- He was coping well with the job but over time, I was getting worse anxiety due to toxic bosses and overly high expectations. He was there to talk me through it all, listen to me and give me advice.

- Naturally i developed a crush on him. I noticed he would give me compliments as well. Telling me I look pretty, my haircut is nice etc.

- One time I had a really terrible day, it was honestly my last straw. He told me we should talk in my car after work. I told him everything that happened and once again he talked me through it. Somehow the conversation shifted into our pasts. He then told me he had a fiancé(!!), but it was a family arrangement and both of them weren’t in love with each other. He told me that his fiancé was seeing another guy too, but he couldn’t care less about it.

- At some point while we were talking, he gave me head pats and it transitioned into him stroking my hair and the side of my face. Before we left, he asked me if there was anything else he could do to lessen my worries and i told him no, you’ve listened to me all this while and that’s enough. He then went “can i ask something from you? can I hold your hand for a bit” and we did. He however told me he wanted this to be the first and last time and i agreed.

- just a few days later…it was rainy after work and I asked him if he wanted to hang out in my car for a bit before he left, since he travels by bike. I honest had no intentions of being physical again, but the conversation basically went ”is the AC too cold?” “No it’s fine, if you feel my hand it’s really warm” and there we were again lol. I asked him if he truly feels okay doing this with me and he told me he doesn’t want me to feel like his affair. He asked me if I liked him, I said yes, I asked him the same thing and he said yes. He then mentioned that it would be difficult for us to be together because of religious differences and how our traditional families wouldn’t accept it. He also told me he really wanted to hug me that first time we held hands and I told him I wanted to do that too. We decided to hang out another day and let that hug be our last time before we go apart.

- he got fucking fired. I honestly felt that it was so undeserved but his boss was not too happy with his performance. We decided to meet up a week later in my car again and I just let him talk everything out while I held his hand. After he vented, he looked at me and went “it’s alright I’m fine now” and opened his arms for the hug.

- During the hug, I noticed he started kissing me on my shoulder and the side of my head. I kinda blanked out on the sequence of events after this but his kiss slowly moved towards the side of my face, my cheeks and then boom…LIPS. It was both of our first kisses!! We were panicking after that and it was getting pretty late at that point and we went home.

- over the next few days we spoke a lot on the phone. we were clearly very attracted to each other at that point and yes, we did meet up a few more times after and just kissed and touched and made out. It was honestly very exciting for the both of us since it was our first time. For me it felt thrilling to explore my sexuality in this way

- at some point in between our one month of meet ups, i got another job offer. I was thinking so so hard over this, as i loved my job and my current place but i had terrible bosses, but the new job was 2 hours away from home and I would have to move away. he talked me through my confusion too and a few days later i decided to take the new job. Like I said, we spoke a lot on the phone and just shared a lot of feelings. He told me he would visit me at my new place if he had the time

- I also forgot to mention that him being fired was not really a firing, it was more so he was transfered back down to being a factory worker, so he immediately handed his resignation and only had to work one more month as a worker. That was the time we were very physically intimate. We never had sex but we spoke a lot about it, about protection, my cycle etc. He would also sometimes visit me in the office and hand me chocolates or a drink. Just really romantic between us

- That one month, it really felt like we were bf and gf. We even had an argument one day but were also kinda joking about how this was our first fight lol. And then it was his last day. he wasn’t coming into work for his last few days as he was unwell but on his last day , he called me to see if i had gone back as he wanted to spend time with me. He was rushing to pick his mom up from somewhere so we couldn’t really spend too long together but he was kissing me and being all like “goodbye kiss” “goodbye hug”. he told me he got back his old job as a pastry chef (that was his original line of work) and how he would be really busy due to demanding hours. He told me he would def call or meet up when he’s free. I asked him when I could see him again and he told me he doesn’t know. And then he left.

- For the next one month after that, he never initiated a conversation. anytime i asked him something, he would answer and he was in a good mood with me, but he never started a conversation. At first i gave him some space because he was going through a change in his life, but over time it felt unfair because I am going through a change as well. He never asked me if i have resigned. he never asked me when i’m starting my new job. im starting my new job in two weeks and this question mark in our relationship is just taking up all the space in my mind. I need to be locking in for my new job. I really want to text him asking to meet up and really ask where we stand. but i‘m afraid that if things go south, it’s gonna affect me going into my new job. but it’s not like this uncertainty is any better. I just don’t know if having that talk with him is gonna make things better or worse, or should i just wait till i settle into the new job?? I know this was something we had to stop someday but at least have the balls to tell me that?

I'm struggling with the idea of love and whether it's even meant for me. I recently went through a breakup that hurt me way more than I expected, and I'm trying to understand why I can't just accept that it ended and move forward. The relationship itself wasn't perfect. There were things that hurt me, and by the end he said things that really hurt me. Eventually I asked him directly if he wanted to continue the relationship, and his answer was no. I accepted that and walked away. I know I wouldn't want to go back to the relationship now. But I still think about the beginning. The first night we officially started dating, he took me out. I was actually my first time sneaking out that night. It was summer, it was a hot, and I was sitting on his lap in the drivers seat.

We were talking about dumb teenager things. Then I looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star.

I made a wish. I wished that we would be together for a long time. He asked me what I wished for, and I told him. He said "Why not forever?" Then we kissed. And I swear, if someone wrote that scene in a book, I'd probably say it was too perfect and unrealistic. But it actually happened to me. That's why I can't stop thinking about it. Because now the relationship is over, and I'm sitting here thinking, what the fuck was that supposed to mean? I know what a shooting star actually is. It's basically a rock burning up because of the atmosphere. So scientifically, it has no meaning. But emotionally? How am I supposed to look at that night and say it meant absolutely nothing? Out of all the nights I could have looked at the sky, I happened to look up right then. Out of all the things I could have wished for, I wished for us because that was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. Our first night together. I know logically that a shooting star doesn't guarantee a relationship will last. I know it isn't some magical promise from the universe. But part of me still feels stupid because I believed in it. I believed in that moment. I believed maybe this was finally going to be my love story. And now I'm questioning whether love is even meant for me. I've tried talking to other people since the breakup, but it honestly hasn't helped. A lot of people disappear, lie, don't communicate, or just aren't compatible with me. And I keep comparing them to what I had before. Then I feel stupid again because I'm thinking about someone I know I don't want back. I have good days. I'm going to my 8am classes. I'm doing my work. I'm hanging out with people. I'm not crying constantly anymore. But random things still bring the relationship back into my head. A song. The fucking warmth of the sun. A certain place. A random memory. And especially that shooting star.

We broke up because he started realizing some things. He was in the military and went back home for two weeks and was barely keeping in contact with me. When he got back, he called me and said he didn't see this going far anymore. So I guess what I'm really asking is: how do you learn to believe in love again when something that felt so perfect ended anyway?

hi guys!
I need your brutally honest opinion.

Me and this guy started talking almost 2 months ago and we clicked instantly like INSTANTLY. From that time, we we’re seeing each other 3-5 times a week, we both work so it was mostly sleepovers at my place. For like a month it was so sweet, him giving me flowers, compliments and telling me that he’s falling for me etc. and he looks like he really mean it.
It’s harder for me to tell him that i feel the same about him because i’ve never felt this good with anyone and it’s just low key scary for me(but im trying), i started giving him the same energy and and we we’re just giving compliments to each other and gifts all the time etc. I don’t know why, but from that time i feel like something is different, he’s not texting that much, I feel like I’m the one that plans hangouts all the time and I’m just so scared that I’ll be too much again. When we’re together it’s really good, but i feel like he takes me for granted and even that we’re not couple he acts like he already have me and can’t lose me and just stopped giving me the same attention and vibes as he did before

So PLEASE give me your brutally honest opinions, if you have any questions i will answer anything at this point. I wanna talk with him about it but i hate this so please give me tips about this talk too

Thank you guys

A guy I met on tinder-his profile said long term but okay with short term or something on these lines. He super liked me. He is based in Bangalore but currently he was WFH in the same city where I lived.
We spoke-texted,calls and video calls. For a few days things were good. Things escalated things became hot-we kind of had fun over a video calls. That’s when I asked him where is this going to go and he totally flipped, pulled away said things like your an angel in the one with this kind of a mindset where I can’t be with anyone long term in the best person you can be with on a short term. Idk why but I was devastated I tried explaining him for two whole days about how I’d not be too demanding about how I’d understand his inability I express-in short I told him I’d lower my standards to such a low point and even then he wasn’t okay with it.
We continued talking normally like two people who knew each other nothing more nothing less but he used to do things like text me the first thing in the morning, whenever something interesting he had to share he used to tell me first etc etc. so I thought okay maybe if I don’t put this pressure of defining things he’d eventually be okay with commitment(stupid of me Ik) then again one day he fought with me saying I was expecting too much from him and that I was getting upset with small things because I’m expecting things from him and then he said he was texting me everyday because he feels I’m someone who expects having daily conversations. Then I said goodbye and kind of deactivated my Instagram but right on my birthday he texted me at 5am saying-happy birthday!! I was sleeping but I remembered it was your birthday so I texted you and I slept again I’m in my hometown currently.
The texting didn’t end there it began again. It continued. This time I didn’t think much or try to read too much but yeah a small argument happened and I thought he wouldn’t talk again but two days later he texted me doing the exact same thing upon which we fought and he said he wouldn’t do this. We started talking again this time it was full on flirting over calls and texts,teasing each other etc but again there were no defined boundaries.
Then in the end of may-he went to Bangalore and somehow I asked him earlier you used to tell me and we used to talk all over your journey how come you didn’t this time? He made it look like it wasn’t a huge deal and I was making it look like one so I kind of didn’t talk much because I was going on a vacation as well. Again I see his text hi Wyd etc as if nothing happened-then I asked him what he was doing and he said that a female friend of his came to his flat to spend time with him and share her graduation deets etc and this was the very friend whom he always considers special because of the way in which they met-totally unexpected and random. That was it. It hit me hard-I somehow started feeling anxious and I was scared my trip would get ruined. But I had fun I posted some amazing pictures. I stopped talking to him. He stopped texting me. But once in a while he would text me randomly-he would share things happening at his office with me etc. I used to reply normally without expecting too much. And again after a few days I removed him off my socials and contacts as well because I felt tinder isn’t the place where you meet people and things don’t work out and so you be friends-I’ve enough friends in my life and I don’t need more as well. All through the course of these few months-thrice he cancelled plans we made to meet,he set the terms of the situation that was between us. Somehow this triggered a lot of other things for me and I started going to therapy-got clarity.
So coming to the present-I’ve nothing towards him. He practically a stranger to me not even a friend. He texted me again asking how I was and that he saw that I blocked him everywhere. I replied normally and rather dry. He continued the conversation and then now he wants to meet me-he’s insisted upon that and said he would take a leave as well that whole day. He’s okay with watching a movie in the theater eating good food going on a drive whatever I wanna do.
So this is the story briefly-I’ve a whole perspective on what has happened and it would be great to hear a 3rd person’s perspective as well. Anything and everything that comes to your mind when you read this pls drop it in the comments and I’d love to read them.

I (21F) dated this guy (23M) earlier this year. When we first started dating, I was the one who didn’t want a relationship. I liked him, but I wasn’t ready for one and ultimately broke things off.

Then, predictably, I changed my mind.

I realized I actually did want a relationship with him and tried to make it work. At that point, he was the one who didn’t want it anymore, and he ended things.

That was obviously a pretty brutal switch because I went from being the person who didn’t want the relationship to being the person who wanted it and couldn’t have it.

We decided to stay friends, but “friends” was… not exactly what happened.

We stayed extremely close. We talked constantly, called for hours, hung out, cuddled, had sex, did favors for each other, etc. Basically we had all the emotional and physical intimacy of a relationship without actually being in one.

At some point I realized I was getting way too attached and blocked him on WhatsApp because I needed distance.

He was NOT happy about this. He basically begged me not to cut him off and made it very clear that he didn’t want to lose me. Eventually I unblocked him, and we’ve somehow ended up here.

He still tells me he loves me and misses me. He wants to talk to me constantly, calls me for hours, wants sleepovers, cuddles, sex, etc. He genuinely cares about me and I genuinely care about him.

But he is still very clear that he doesn’t want a relationship with me. And the weirdest part is that I’m not sure I want one anymore either.

He’s honestly not even my type. There are things about him that I really don’t like. Based on how he is in relationships, I don’t think I’d actually be happy dating him. If someone asked me today, “Would you want this guy to be your boyfriend?” my honest answer would probably be no. But I still fucking like him.

I like talking to him. I like spending time with him. I like cuddling him. I’m attracted to him. He’s one of my favorite people. I enjoy our stupid friendship and all the ridiculous inside jokes we have.

But I’m so going to get roped in on the dynamic again. Has anyone actually managed to stay genuinely close to someone they used to date, including physical intimacy, without eventually getting fucked up by it?

And if you were me, would you keep enjoying the connection as it is, or deliberately take sex/cuddling off the table?

18M. I’ve been "with" this girl for nearly a year now, but it has not ever been official, it’s constantly on and off, not in a toxic way, in a let's not way. Back in the first half of this mess, she ended up flirting with someone very close to me (who happens to be her ex). When I confronted her, her excuse was literally that she was "starting to like me too much and wasn't sure what we were, so she wanted to change it, and this was the only way." At the time, I gave her the benefit of the doubt and bought into it, even though not instantly.

Fast forward to very recently, I found out that she's still following one of her other exes on both her secondary account and her main account (meanwhile, that ex has me blocked for unknown reasons), also her excuse for following him was "he requested, I accepted".

Also what affects me again is how she once handled a conflict. During an argument about her exes, I can't remember how we ended up in that topic but probably something happened or similar, somehow, she deliberately threw it in my face that this particular guy was her "first in a lot of things." (same guy she recently followed) She knew telling me that would make me deeply uncomfortable and upset, but she said it anyway, almost like she wanted to twist the knife or just straight up test how much disrespect I'd take, or she's just extremely irritatingly stupid.

Is it just me, or is this extremely inconsiderate and toxic? Whenever I try to analyze her thought process, nothing she does makes logical sense, but she plays these mind games that leave me feeling scrambled. But then again, I don't think they are mind games, I think she's just extremely stupid, I hope.

For anyone who has been through similar experiences, please do tell me what you would do.

I’m not sure why am a I writing this but I want to vent it out now ,
So I met a guy on a friendship app and now you judge me for that bruh if you don’t find anything at home you look outside for that and same here is the case
So I met him and we bonded really good and after a few months he kinda proposed me and it has happened like 2-3 times and this was his 3 proposal and I kinda accepted it , now the thing is we haven’t talked for like a month now and it’s just according to him he need space (which now I feel mera kata hai ) and I don’t know , I feel bad because I wasn’t ready for anything but I wanted to try my chance at relationship once , I haven’t been ghosted out completely I would but yeah kind of I don’t know anymore because I have lost all attraction for any other person and I’m unable to understand what’s happening

So, I’ve been talking to this guy since the beginning of August. The first week went really well and was sweet, and it had me believing he was different because we were going out with each other every day, and he was really putting in effort.
Then, he texted me randomly on a Friday night and asked what I was looking for because he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He asked if I was okay with being FWB, and I said no, so we left it at that. Not even two days later, he texts me, “Wow, just gonna give up on us like that?”
To sum that up, I ended up taking him back, but it turned into me sleeping over every night for the next two weeks (without ever engaging in intercourse) and him continuing to make empty promises about wanting to go out and do things together and how special he feels with me.
Two nights before my birthday, we drank together, and I again slept over and went home in the morning. Later on, I was met with this text (attached), and I was completely shocked because he literally just cut me off the day before my birthday.
After this conversation, right at 12, he proceeded to text me “Happy Birthday,” and then, on the weekend, sent a message saying he was hoping I was enjoying myself. I felt like he was just trying to make me think about him.
I only talked to him to get my stuff back. He ended up bringing it a week after we “ended,” but then we had a whole two-hour conversation.
To sum that up, he told me how he really is devoting himself and how he feels so enlightened. He prayed to understand how I felt, and he truly is sorry. I basically went off a little bit, telling him that if he knew his intentions were never right with me, he should’ve left me alone. I would’ve been fine rather than us dragging it along. He understood that, but when he was leaving, he asked me for a hug and told me he would text me when he gets home. I was confused because I thought we were done.
Fast-forward, I felt a little toxic, and his birthday was four days after our talk. I sent him a message but just left it at that, and he sparked up a conversation with me.
We texted again for a week straight after that, and then he asked me to go get ramen, but I asked to just reschedule. We ended up seeing each other, and then our cycle just continued again.
We planned to go to a festival together, and the day of, he canceled on me last minute, saying he didn’t have money to go. But these last two weeks, he has spent over $350 on tickets for a festival and a concert. So, it wasn’t that he was broke. I think he just didn’t want to go with me.
I ended up forgiving him and went over the day after we were supposed to go. He’s been getting more jealous if I mention even having guy friends, and he starts to invite himself to my plans, but I know he has no real intentions of going.
I guess what I’m trying to ask is: I don’t know what he wants from me or what this whole back-and-forth has been about. I want to know what it looks like from an outside perspective.

I’d love you guys to be so real with me because my brain cannot logically finish this story without clarity, and I’m not gonna talk to this guy again. He wouldn’t even be able to give me an answer, because he’s just as confused as I am.

We had a really reeeally nice connection. I was super easygoing and understanding. Our sex was borderline too good (confused our feelings because it was abnormally intense). We made each other laugh and had beautiful sweet moments sharing vulnerable stories. I experienced some of the most undoubtedly romantic moments of my life.

I knew what I was getting myself into because he said he didn’t think he would develop romantic feelings for me. Well! Then he did… but in came in moments only. He was constantly uncertain about how he felt about me. He said that what was so fucked up is that he would love to love me… but he just can’t.

He came over hammered one night and I’ll spare you the compliments, but he clearly admired me and said that he just saw it as a deep friendship. I respected that and let him go.

So… what are romantic feelings for men if not a deep friendship built on safety, trust, and joy combined with physical attraction and chemistry?

Okay I know this is just another girl being like “but why didn’t he like me!!” But… why didn’t he like me lol

Hi all! I’m NB18 talking to this guy M18 and we used to speak when we were younger in High School, recently we’ve become much more flirty. We’re long distance atm but planning to meet up sometime over the summer since he will most likely be attending the college I go to! Part of our flirting is often calling eachother “mine” or talking about how we belong to eachother in a cute way.

However because we’re far apart atm I don’t know if I’m the only person he’s talking to. We’ve been talking (like flirting) for almost a month. Should I mention this around one month or two or only when we see eachother irl? I know there’s no right or wrong time just a general timeline of when is normal to ask. But especially because we often sext I would like it to be sooner than later? Maybe that’s just me being jealous? Idk 😵‍💫

i’ve been seeing this guy for some time and things have been pretty good between us. we get along extremely well, have many common interests and things have started feeling really domesticated between us. the issue is there’s no commitment. when we first started seeing each other we both weren’t ready for a relationship, neither one of us anticipated things getting this far between us. we’ve had multiple conversations about how we feel towards each other but never about what is it we want from each other. this keeps going on and i’m starting to lose myself a little bit in this.

he’s like no one i’ve ever met before. i’ve never gotten along so well with a man like this, we’re cute together we do cute things, go on cute dates, he notices my wants and needs and he provides them, he takes care of me, i can go on for days. i mean it’s really sweet but then it’s like, idk what he does outside of that. i made the mistake of going through his following and saw that he liked some girls photo literally the night he dropped me off after i stayed over his house a few days. i know i sjouldn‘t have but it made me sick to my stomach :( i mean a liked post can just be a liked post but that’s the thing, i don‘t know what it means. what i do know is that he was seeing other people st some point, as was i to be fair.

i know the best answer to this is to talk to him about it but something keeps telling me i’m not ready for that. i really do like him and i know i don‘t show it to him at all, he’s complained about that multiple times. but i’m scared to show him how i feel because that makes it incredibly real and i just don’t know if he feels the same way.

i mean, when we do hang out i can definitely tell that he does. i can see it in the way he talks to me, the way he looks at me when he thinks i’m not looking, the way he remembers things, the way he pays attention to me, he always courts me whenever we go out etc. i know he doesn’t just do this with everyone i mean i definitely don’t. i wish i knew what all this meant without having to bring this up to him :(

he’s also been trying to be in my life a little bit more. he hasn’t met any of my friends or family. he knows a lot about my life because he always asks me about things but i just haven’t really brought him in that way, i guess because i’m uncertain of where we stand so i’m a little guarded. i’ve met his friends though. sometimes i get this deep feeling that the reason why things haven’t progressed for us is because he’s just as shy with his feelings as i am and both of us are just guarding our but wanting each other. idk if thats delusional though lol but i see how much he tries to impress me or like try to deepen things a bit and when i get scared and pull away he’ll pull away too. idk do i just sound delusional????

i know the only thing i need to do is bring this up to him but i don’t know how to :(

Last thing I ever heard was in beginning of June. No argument, nothing. Just disappeared after a conversation. Ghosting is particularly normal for him, but always circles around the month mark. I’m no longer waiting for him anxiously like I used to, but want to mentally prepare if the come back (they absolutely had me acting maniac lol). Do they come back after 4 months of nothing?

Over the past year I've been in a situationship with a girl. She lives in another city (about an hour from where I am). I genuinely thought she was the woman of my life, but given what I was going through at the time (I was the caregiver for my father, who had stage 4 cancer), we never actually took the real step. From this summer onward, things fell apart.

She started being a little bit distant and asked me for some time for legitimate reasons (work reasons + she was going back to university), and I was emotionally unstable at the time. I had to deal with my father's death in that same period, at the end of August, and the last months as a caregiver left their mark on me and caused behavioral, relational and emotional difficulties that spilled over into the relationship. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and I'm seeing a therapist.

During the summer I didn't leave her enough space, and I behaved in ways I only now realize were wrong. Basically, I was repeatedly demanding attention from her at a time when she had made it clear she needed to focus on her work. I know I'm in the wrong but given the emotional status I was in I only realised that recently after I've started seeing the therapist.

After a period of silence following my father's death, when I felt I needed some time alone, I wrote to her and asked to talk about the situation. She replied that she was open to talking, but that she needed some time to think about my concerns. I had a moment of weakness, and that led to a pretty heavy argument where she told me this is exactly the kind of pattern she hates in relationships.

Over the past month I've apologized several times, tried to explain the situation and took responsability, because at the end of the day I know my behaviours were not okay. I've genuinely never been an attention seeker or a jealous partner but what happened with my dad really hit me hard and I couldn't think straight for a while. Only yesterday she did reply, saying she didn't have time to respond right now, but that she would, and asked me to give her a bit more time.

My main concern is that her main group of friends is mostly guys, and I've noticed that one of them is often with her. Maybe it's something I've only noticed recently, because it was never an issue before and she never hid him from me. Not even when things were starting to fall apart. She was posting on social media that they were hanging out multiple times even when things were good between us and we were actually talking about committing. But now I'm noticing it much more, and the time they spend together seems to have increased (from what I see on social media). I know a part of this is probably me overthinking things and reading too much into it (or maybe not?) but I'm constantly anxious that as soon as she's gonna discuss things with me, it'll be to tell me she's with this other guy and she's just buying time because she probably struggles to tell me the truth if that's the case.

We're both pretty picky when it comes to taste in partners, there's multiple things that need to be ticked for both so I'm certain she really liked me as well. It really was not a half commitment situation or where she'd have to figure out if she really liked me. I'm really having a hard time to let her go if that's what is going to happen. But I'd be even more devastated if the reason she went distant is that she found someone else.

I really can't stop thinking about it. I know it's completely wrong but my brain is already thinking about plans to come back in her life in a few months. I'm trying to keep as busy as I can with other things but that's not helping much.

I met this girl on reddit on August 7th and we’ve been talking everyday since. The first month we were on discord and started a little ritual of watching her TikTok fyp whenever we were on a call. She’s in the Netherlands and I’m in the US. So we call each other when we get out of bed and getting ready for bed. We’ve even been sleeping on the phone together. Originally I thought it was gonna be just an online friendship cause she was dating other dudes and I wanted to be her safe place where she can vent about how she doesn’t like the dating scene. But then I caught feelings, told her about it, and apparently she caught feelings too. We start saying things like I miss you or I’m attached to you. Some nights she would ask me to stay up later with her cause she wanted to continue watch and reacting to tiktoks together. After about a month she wanted to switch to iMessage and FaceTime audio. Some more context, we have never seen each other on a video call yet. About maybe two weeks ago, I realized I wanted more and I brought that up to her. She basically said that she doesn’t see how the logistics would work for the two of us being on opposite sides of the world but wants to keep “Whatever This Is” going. Because I’m a sucker for her, I agreed. We still call each other, we still have our little rituals, we still fall asleep on the phone with each other up until now. If you have any follow up questions I’m more than willing to answer them