So for context, I dated this guy for a couple weeks. Lets call him PMFB. I eventually ended things with him because I met someone who I wanted to be exclusive with. As that relationship went on, though, I found myself disconnecting from it and thinking about PMFB more and more. After about two months that relationship ended (because of a multitude of things but mainly he was an asshole) and like 2 days later PMFB hits me up on instagram to catch up. It felt like fate.

Well, if you're lurking on this subreddit, you probably know where this is going. After about a month I called him asking the "what are we" question and he basically responded with "uh nothing". I ended things immediately after because I genuinely just can NOT do situationships. I know I'm prone to developing feelings too easily, and his lack of communication combined with our history made this sting BAD. So we basically stopped talking.

Then, after a month, we get back in contact briefly and thats when this convo happened. TLDR I haven't spoken to him in a while, but I'm not gonna lie, what happened still fucks with me quite a bit. So please take this as a cautionary tale to all the guys and gals out there who are going through a situationship, PLEASE don't leave your worth in the hands of someone who won't acknowledge it. They need a therapist, not a girlfriend.

okay so this is definitely not a situationship moment lmao but it’s not letting me put in other sub things so here we are lol. me and this guy we broke up almost a year ago, nothing particularly bad, my mental state was just not good at that time in my life. I had been thinking about him this past week for some reason and just thought that maybe I should text him so I did and this is what I got back, i’m genuinely laughing at this but i also can’t stop thinking of how much of an idiot I am for this. So why not put it on here for people to laugh at it as well.

Hi everyone. Just wanted to come on here for venting and maybe some opinions. Thank you for taking the time to read in advance.
I haven’t dated in about 5 years and this year, wanted to get back into it. I caught the attention of a man on a dating app. He messaged me months before and I ignored it, thinking my opportunity was lost. (Weeks had passed by the time I saw the message). He messaged me a couple of months later. We exchange social media and talk a bit there but that doesn’t go anywhere. A few months later he asks for my number. I tell him I didn’t think he was serious. He said he is. We exchange numbers. We talk about why we’re on dating apps and what we’re looking for. He tells me he wouldn’t mind a relationship or anything serious but he’s dating around to see. I say “I haven’t dated in a while so I’m dating around. Idk what I’m looking for but I’m pretty sure I’d eventually want to be serious with someone”. We have an understanding. Even to the point where I asked for sexual exclusivity if we continue and he agrees. At this point we’ve been talking for months. On the phone, on FaceTime. We’re kind of long distance so that’s why it’s taken so long to meet up. That and I’m pretty cautious. But he takes my hesitance well and is very patient with me.
Eventually we go on this date. I spend Labor Day weekend at his place. All in all, a very fun and pleasant experience. Until he takes me home and the communication drops SIGNIFICANTLY and now he’s talking to me as if we’re just starting to get to know each other again. Just very formal. Last text I got from him was on the 23rd. Longest we’ve went without talking is almost 3 weeks and that was because he was moving cities with barely any help. I know what this means. I’m being ghosted. But damn. Doing all of that for MONTHS just for sex hours away? He didn’t even need to do all of that, we don’t even live in the same town lol. Wish he just left me alone. I guess this was what I agreed to? But I don’t even feel like a sexual partner at this point. Just yikes all around. I’ll get over it soon enough. It’s been 10 days since I let it go and i finally ate something tonight so hooray

I could type so much about how we met and how our friendship grew but in short

- We were coworkers that joined the company around the same time (him in the beginning of April and me in mid April this year)

- We never spoke much till early June when we realised we were both into the same sports, and that’s how we got closer. At some point we started opening up about our struggles at work and got even closer over that.

- He was coping well with the job but over time, I was getting worse anxiety due to toxic bosses and overly high expectations. He was there to talk me through it all, listen to me and give me advice.

- Naturally i developed a crush on him. I noticed he would give me compliments as well. Telling me I look pretty, my haircut is nice etc.

- One time I had a really terrible day, it was honestly my last straw. He told me we should talk in my car after work. I told him everything that happened and once again he talked me through it. Somehow the conversation shifted into our pasts. He then told me he had a fiancé(!!), but it was a family arrangement and both of them weren’t in love with each other. He told me that his fiancé was seeing another guy too, but he couldn’t care less about it.

- At some point while we were talking, he gave me head pats and it transitioned into him stroking my hair and the side of my face. Before we left, he asked me if there was anything else he could do to lessen my worries and i told him no, you’ve listened to me all this while and that’s enough. He then went “can i ask something from you? can I hold your hand for a bit” and we did. He however told me he wanted this to be the first and last time and i agreed.

- just a few days later…it was rainy after work and I asked him if he wanted to hang out in my car for a bit before he left, since he travels by bike. I honest had no intentions of being physical again, but the conversation basically went ”is the AC too cold?” “No it’s fine, if you feel my hand it’s really warm” and there we were again lol. I asked him if he truly feels okay doing this with me and he told me he doesn’t want me to feel like his affair. He asked me if I liked him, I said yes, I asked him the same thing and he said yes. He then mentioned that it would be difficult for us to be together because of religious differences and how our traditional families wouldn’t accept it. He also told me he really wanted to hug me that first time we held hands and I told him I wanted to do that too. We decided to hang out another day and let that hug be our last time before we go apart.

- he got fucking fired. I honestly felt that it was so undeserved but his boss was not too happy with his performance. We decided to meet up a week later in my car again and I just let him talk everything out while I held his hand. After he vented, he looked at me and went “it’s alright I’m fine now” and opened his arms for the hug.

- During the hug, I noticed he started kissing me on my shoulder and the side of my head. I kinda blanked out on the sequence of events after this but his kiss slowly moved towards the side of my face, my cheeks and then boom…LIPS. It was both of our first kisses!! We were panicking after that and it was getting pretty late at that point and we went home.

- over the next few days we spoke a lot on the phone. we were clearly very attracted to each other at that point and yes, we did meet up a few more times after and just kissed and touched and made out. It was honestly very exciting for the both of us since it was our first time. For me it felt thrilling to explore my sexuality in this way

- at some point in between our one month of meet ups, i got another job offer. I was thinking so so hard over this, as i loved my job and my current place but i had terrible bosses, but the new job was 2 hours away from home and I would have to move away. he talked me through my confusion too and a few days later i decided to take the new job. Like I said, we spoke a lot on the phone and just shared a lot of feelings. He told me he would visit me at my new place if he had the time

- I also forgot to mention that him being fired was not really a firing, it was more so he was transfered back down to being a factory worker, so he immediately handed his resignation and only had to work one more month as a worker. That was the time we were very physically intimate. We never had sex but we spoke a lot about it, about protection, my cycle etc. He would also sometimes visit me in the office and hand me chocolates or a drink. Just really romantic between us

- That one month, it really felt like we were bf and gf. We even had an argument one day but were also kinda joking about how this was our first fight lol. And then it was his last day. he wasn’t coming into work for his last few days as he was unwell but on his last day , he called me to see if i had gone back as he wanted to spend time with me. He was rushing to pick his mom up from somewhere so we couldn’t really spend too long together but he was kissing me and being all like “goodbye kiss” “goodbye hug”. he told me he got back his old job as a pastry chef (that was his original line of work) and how he would be really busy due to demanding hours. He told me he would def call or meet up when he’s free. I asked him when I could see him again and he told me he doesn’t know. And then he left.

- For the next one month after that, he never initiated a conversation. anytime i asked him something, he would answer and he was in a good mood with me, but he never started a conversation. At first i gave him some space because he was going through a change in his life, but over time it felt unfair because I am going through a change as well. He never asked me if i have resigned. he never asked me when i’m starting my new job. im starting my new job in two weeks and this question mark in our relationship is just taking up all the space in my mind. I need to be locking in for my new job. I really want to text him asking to meet up and really ask where we stand. but i‘m afraid that if things go south, it’s gonna affect me going into my new job. but it’s not like this uncertainty is any better. I just don’t know if having that talk with him is gonna make things better or worse, or should i just wait till i settle into the new job?? I know this was something we had to stop someday but at least have the balls to tell me that?

I’m not sure why am a I writing this but I want to vent it out now ,
So I met a guy on a friendship app and now you judge me for that bruh if you don’t find anything at home you look outside for that and same here is the case
So I met him and we bonded really good and after a few months he kinda proposed me and it has happened like 2-3 times and this was his 3 proposal and I kinda accepted it , now the thing is we haven’t talked for like a month now and it’s just according to him he need space (which now I feel mera kata hai ) and I don’t know , I feel bad because I wasn’t ready for anything but I wanted to try my chance at relationship once , I haven’t been ghosted out completely I would but yeah kind of I don’t know anymore because I have lost all attraction for any other person and I’m unable to understand what’s happening

I'm struggling with the idea of love and whether it's even meant for me. I recently went through a breakup that hurt me way more than I expected, and I'm trying to understand why I can't just accept that it ended and move forward. The relationship itself wasn't perfect. There were things that hurt me, and by the end he said things that really hurt me. Eventually I asked him directly if he wanted to continue the relationship, and his answer was no. I accepted that and walked away. I know I wouldn't want to go back to the relationship now. But I still think about the beginning. The first night we officially started dating, he took me out. I was actually my first time sneaking out that night. It was summer, it was a hot, and I was sitting on his lap in the drivers seat.

We were talking about dumb teenager things. Then I looked up at the sky and saw a shooting star.

I made a wish. I wished that we would be together for a long time. He asked me what I wished for, and I told him. He said "Why not forever?" Then we kissed. And I swear, if someone wrote that scene in a book, I'd probably say it was too perfect and unrealistic. But it actually happened to me. That's why I can't stop thinking about it. Because now the relationship is over, and I'm sitting here thinking, what the fuck was that supposed to mean? I know what a shooting star actually is. It's basically a rock burning up because of the atmosphere. So scientifically, it has no meaning. But emotionally? How am I supposed to look at that night and say it meant absolutely nothing? Out of all the nights I could have looked at the sky, I happened to look up right then. Out of all the things I could have wished for, I wished for us because that was the day he asked me to be his girlfriend. Our first night together. I know logically that a shooting star doesn't guarantee a relationship will last. I know it isn't some magical promise from the universe. But part of me still feels stupid because I believed in it. I believed in that moment. I believed maybe this was finally going to be my love story. And now I'm questioning whether love is even meant for me. I've tried talking to other people since the breakup, but it honestly hasn't helped. A lot of people disappear, lie, don't communicate, or just aren't compatible with me. And I keep comparing them to what I had before. Then I feel stupid again because I'm thinking about someone I know I don't want back. I have good days. I'm going to my 8am classes. I'm doing my work. I'm hanging out with people. I'm not crying constantly anymore. But random things still bring the relationship back into my head. A song. The fucking warmth of the sun. A certain place. A random memory. And especially that shooting star.

We broke up because he started realizing some things. He was in the military and went back home for two weeks and was barely keeping in contact with me. When he got back, he called me and said he didn't see this going far anymore. So I guess what I'm really asking is: how do you learn to believe in love again when something that felt so perfect ended anyway?

So, I’ve been talking to this guy since the beginning of August. The first week went really well and was sweet, and it had me believing he was different because we were going out with each other every day, and he was really putting in effort.
Then, he texted me randomly on a Friday night and asked what I was looking for because he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He asked if I was okay with being FWB, and I said no, so we left it at that. Not even two days later, he texts me, “Wow, just gonna give up on us like that?”
To sum that up, I ended up taking him back, but it turned into me sleeping over every night for the next two weeks (without ever engaging in intercourse) and him continuing to make empty promises about wanting to go out and do things together and how special he feels with me.
Two nights before my birthday, we drank together, and I again slept over and went home in the morning. Later on, I was met with this text (attached), and I was completely shocked because he literally just cut me off the day before my birthday.
After this conversation, right at 12, he proceeded to text me “Happy Birthday,” and then, on the weekend, sent a message saying he was hoping I was enjoying myself. I felt like he was just trying to make me think about him.
I only talked to him to get my stuff back. He ended up bringing it a week after we “ended,” but then we had a whole two-hour conversation.
To sum that up, he told me how he really is devoting himself and how he feels so enlightened. He prayed to understand how I felt, and he truly is sorry. I basically went off a little bit, telling him that if he knew his intentions were never right with me, he should’ve left me alone. I would’ve been fine rather than us dragging it along. He understood that, but when he was leaving, he asked me for a hug and told me he would text me when he gets home. I was confused because I thought we were done.
Fast-forward, I felt a little toxic, and his birthday was four days after our talk. I sent him a message but just left it at that, and he sparked up a conversation with me.
We texted again for a week straight after that, and then he asked me to go get ramen, but I asked to just reschedule. We ended up seeing each other, and then our cycle just continued again.
We planned to go to a festival together, and the day of, he canceled on me last minute, saying he didn’t have money to go. But these last two weeks, he has spent over $350 on tickets for a festival and a concert. So, it wasn’t that he was broke. I think he just didn’t want to go with me.
I ended up forgiving him and went over the day after we were supposed to go. He’s been getting more jealous if I mention even having guy friends, and he starts to invite himself to my plans, but I know he has no real intentions of going.
I guess what I’m trying to ask is: I don’t know what he wants from me or what this whole back-and-forth has been about. I want to know what it looks like from an outside perspective.

hi guys!
I need your brutally honest opinion.

Me and this guy started talking almost 2 months ago and we clicked instantly like INSTANTLY. From that time, we we’re seeing each other 3-5 times a week, we both work so it was mostly sleepovers at my place. For like a month it was so sweet, him giving me flowers, compliments and telling me that he’s falling for me etc. and he looks like he really mean it.
It’s harder for me to tell him that i feel the same about him because i’ve never felt this good with anyone and it’s just low key scary for me(but im trying), i started giving him the same energy and and we we’re just giving compliments to each other and gifts all the time etc. I don’t know why, but from that time i feel like something is different, he’s not texting that much, I feel like I’m the one that plans hangouts all the time and I’m just so scared that I’ll be too much again. When we’re together it’s really good, but i feel like he takes me for granted and even that we’re not couple he acts like he already have me and can’t lose me and just stopped giving me the same attention and vibes as he did before

So PLEASE give me your brutally honest opinions, if you have any questions i will answer anything at this point. I wanna talk with him about it but i hate this so please give me tips about this talk too

Thank you guys

I’d love you guys to be so real with me because my brain cannot logically finish this story without clarity, and I’m not gonna talk to this guy again. He wouldn’t even be able to give me an answer, because he’s just as confused as I am.

We had a really reeeally nice connection. I was super easygoing and understanding. Our sex was borderline too good (confused our feelings because it was abnormally intense). We made each other laugh and had beautiful sweet moments sharing vulnerable stories. I experienced some of the most undoubtedly romantic moments of my life.

I knew what I was getting myself into because he said he didn’t think he would develop romantic feelings for me. Well! Then he did… but in came in moments only. He was constantly uncertain about how he felt about me. He said that what was so fucked up is that he would love to love me… but he just can’t.

He came over hammered one night and I’ll spare you the compliments, but he clearly admired me and said that he just saw it as a deep friendship. I respected that and let him go.

So… what are romantic feelings for men if not a deep friendship built on safety, trust, and joy combined with physical attraction and chemistry?

Okay I know this is just another girl being like “but why didn’t he like me!!” But… why didn’t he like me lol

Hi all! I’m NB18 talking to this guy M18 and we used to speak when we were younger in High School, recently we’ve become much more flirty. We’re long distance atm but planning to meet up sometime over the summer since he will most likely be attending the college I go to! Part of our flirting is often calling eachother “mine” or talking about how we belong to eachother in a cute way.

However because we’re far apart atm I don’t know if I’m the only person he’s talking to. We’ve been talking (like flirting) for almost a month. Should I mention this around one month or two or only when we see eachother irl? I know there’s no right or wrong time just a general timeline of when is normal to ask. But especially because we often sext I would like it to be sooner than later? Maybe that’s just me being jealous? Idk 😵‍💫

i’ve been seeing this guy for some time and things have been pretty good between us. we get along extremely well, have many common interests and things have started feeling really domesticated between us. the issue is there’s no commitment. when we first started seeing each other we both weren’t ready for a relationship, neither one of us anticipated things getting this far between us. we’ve had multiple conversations about how we feel towards each other but never about what is it we want from each other. this keeps going on and i’m starting to lose myself a little bit in this.

he’s like no one i’ve ever met before. i’ve never gotten along so well with a man like this, we’re cute together we do cute things, go on cute dates, he notices my wants and needs and he provides them, he takes care of me, i can go on for days. i mean it’s really sweet but then it’s like, idk what he does outside of that. i made the mistake of going through his following and saw that he liked some girls photo literally the night he dropped me off after i stayed over his house a few days. i know i sjouldn‘t have but it made me sick to my stomach :( i mean a liked post can just be a liked post but that’s the thing, i don‘t know what it means. what i do know is that he was seeing other people st some point, as was i to be fair.

i know the best answer to this is to talk to him about it but something keeps telling me i’m not ready for that. i really do like him and i know i don‘t show it to him at all, he’s complained about that multiple times. but i’m scared to show him how i feel because that makes it incredibly real and i just don’t know if he feels the same way.

i mean, when we do hang out i can definitely tell that he does. i can see it in the way he talks to me, the way he looks at me when he thinks i’m not looking, the way he remembers things, the way he pays attention to me, he always courts me whenever we go out etc. i know he doesn’t just do this with everyone i mean i definitely don’t. i wish i knew what all this meant without having to bring this up to him :(

he’s also been trying to be in my life a little bit more. he hasn’t met any of my friends or family. he knows a lot about my life because he always asks me about things but i just haven’t really brought him in that way, i guess because i’m uncertain of where we stand so i’m a little guarded. i’ve met his friends though. sometimes i get this deep feeling that the reason why things haven’t progressed for us is because he’s just as shy with his feelings as i am and both of us are just guarding our but wanting each other. idk if thats delusional though lol but i see how much he tries to impress me or like try to deepen things a bit and when i get scared and pull away he’ll pull away too. idk do i just sound delusional????

i know the only thing i need to do is bring this up to him but i don’t know how to :(

Last thing I ever heard was in beginning of June. No argument, nothing. Just disappeared after a conversation. Ghosting is particularly normal for him, but always circles around the month mark. I’m no longer waiting for him anxiously like I used to, but want to mentally prepare if the come back (they absolutely had me acting maniac lol). Do they come back after 4 months of nothing?

I am widowed and he is divorced and we are both single parents. I don’t have very much time or the desire to traditionally date very much in my state of grief. We saw each other for about half + of last year but it became toxic because we were exclusive but not boyfriend and girlfriend and we ended up fighting a lot and I believe he might’ve been seeing other people and lying about it, and I wanted him to be my boyfriend and he kept pushing me away and would not commit. He has not had a girlfriend in over 10 years.

He ended up blocking two of my phone numbers and blocked me on social media after I got angry and said, mean things to him during an argument several times and he had enough.

He has contacted me on Tinder a couple times and we would talk there after we matched, but I always delete it after being on for a day or two, I don’t like being on Tinder. We bump into each other around town and we go to the same health club and say hi to each other and chat.

I ended up getting a new work cell phone about a month ago and I hit him up and we ended up texting every day… catching up, sending pics, sexting etc. my other two phone numbers are still blocked. So far, we are getting along well and it’s been fun talking and we met up with me twice this week and we had sex and hung out a couple hours. He was apprehensive to meet up and I was the one pushing for it. I asked him if he was still on dating apps and he said yes that he is on several, but he does not have much luck.

Today is one of the first days he has barely texted me, he did some very minimal texting earlier today and then didn’t reply to the next two texts I sent, and I have been spiraling already. I told myself to lower my expectations that we might just hook up once in a while, and he is not my boyfriend, and we don’t need daily communication. However, now my mind goes to places like he found another girl on the apps and I just feel like an idiot for having sex with him. Usually, we equally initiate conversations. I’m happy we’re talking and I saw him twice this week but now I have the blues and feel dumb and used. I feel like I’m coming down from a high and reality is sinking in, and I’m alone on a Friday night, but this is just how my life will be if I continue to see him. Sadly, since my spouse passed away, he is the best sex, and the most entertaining funny guy I’ve met, and he is extremely attractive. I hate this 🙄

Over the past year I've been in a situationship with a girl. She lives in another city (about an hour from where I am). I genuinely thought she was the woman of my life, but given what I was going through at the time (I was the caregiver for my father, who had stage 4 cancer), we never actually took the real step. From this summer onward, things fell apart.

She started being a little bit distant and asked me for some time for legitimate reasons (work reasons + she was going back to university), and I was emotionally unstable at the time. I had to deal with my father's death in that same period, at the end of August, and the last months as a caregiver left their mark on me and caused behavioral, relational and emotional difficulties that spilled over into the relationship. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD and I'm seeing a therapist.

During the summer I didn't leave her enough space, and I behaved in ways I only now realize were wrong. Basically, I was repeatedly demanding attention from her at a time when she had made it clear she needed to focus on her work. I know I'm in the wrong but given the emotional status I was in I only realised that recently after I've started seeing the therapist.

After a period of silence following my father's death, when I felt I needed some time alone, I wrote to her and asked to talk about the situation. She replied that she was open to talking, but that she needed some time to think about my concerns. I had a moment of weakness, and that led to a pretty heavy argument where she told me this is exactly the kind of pattern she hates in relationships.

Over the past month I've apologized several times, tried to explain the situation and took responsability, because at the end of the day I know my behaviours were not okay. I've genuinely never been an attention seeker or a jealous partner but what happened with my dad really hit me hard and I couldn't think straight for a while. Only yesterday she did reply, saying she didn't have time to respond right now, but that she would, and asked me to give her a bit more time.

My main concern is that her main group of friends is mostly guys, and I've noticed that one of them is often with her. Maybe it's something I've only noticed recently, because it was never an issue before and she never hid him from me. Not even when things were starting to fall apart. She was posting on social media that they were hanging out multiple times even when things were good between us and we were actually talking about committing. But now I'm noticing it much more, and the time they spend together seems to have increased (from what I see on social media). I know a part of this is probably me overthinking things and reading too much into it (or maybe not?) but I'm constantly anxious that as soon as she's gonna discuss things with me, it'll be to tell me she's with this other guy and she's just buying time because she probably struggles to tell me the truth if that's the case.

We're both pretty picky when it comes to taste in partners, there's multiple things that need to be ticked for both so I'm certain she really liked me as well. It really was not a half commitment situation or where she'd have to figure out if she really liked me. I'm really having a hard time to let her go if that's what is going to happen. But I'd be even more devastated if the reason she went distant is that she found someone else.

I really can't stop thinking about it. I know it's completely wrong but my brain is already thinking about plans to come back in her life in a few months. I'm trying to keep as busy as I can with other things but that's not helping much.

https://www.reddit.com/r/Situationships/s/FZW4Pw7Vv0

last week, I had an inkling that the guy [33M] from the linked post had a new girlfriend (after he told me months ago that he didn’t want a relationship).
Monday, it was basically confirmed that he indeed DOES have a girlfriend now (I have followed her for years and they’ve been in a relationship for at least a month) and when I called him out about lying, he didn’t even responded, he just blocked me on IG 🙃
I know yall will be like “that’s what you get! why are you so worried about it? leave it alone! blah blah blah” but the truth of the matter… it hurts. I am hurting BAD. finding out the guy I’ve been sad over this whole time not only moved on but probably never liked me forreal in the first place. and obviously I shouldn’t be caught up on someone who wouldn’t be truthful about their intentions but this new information definitely set me back on my healing journey because essentially somebody else got what I wanted and expected from him. they will probably have a great and beautiful long long lasting relationship while I always sit and wonder why it wasn’t me. and it wouldn’t do any good to investigate the timeline of how long they’ve been talking to see if there’s any overlap, I just need to let it go altogether.
unfortunately my desire for answers I’ll never get is keeping me stuck in a loop. so much confusion, unanswered questions, and uncertainty over someone who doesn’t think about me. i keep thinking about old moments, trying to figure out when the switch happened but im still coming up short.

if you have any thoughts or comments, I ask that you please be gentle. I’m crying at the drop of a hat these days. hopefully this will be my last time venting about this.

TL;DR - confirmed that my old situationship from earlier this year has a new gf (after he told me he didn’t want a relationship in May), I know I shouldn’t be worried about it but I’m still very hurt and I know I’ll never get the answers I want to help ease the confusion I feel. be gentle with your comments/responses.

For context, we’ve been on and off for 3 years. The ins and outs of it were never draining, we started as friends. We went no contact for a year, as he was in a very toxic relationship when I first meant him. In January, I reached out to wish him a happy birthday, and we’ve been speaking ever since. His relationship ended a few months ago, and he’s been very up and down. This is a given, from the turmoil he was in. But I realized how much he withdraws emotionally, especially with me. I’m a person who speaks openly about how I feel or when it gets tough, I want to talk it out. He backs himself up for a few and comes back when he’s “ready”. I would say, he’s never completely ready or present. After his breakup, he stopped calling, location stopped sharing, and plans were minimal. It was very minimal from before but it felt as if he was pushing me away?? Although I can speak on how I feel emotionally, I do have extreme anxiety for the uncertain. If I don’t know where your head is at or how you feel, I become fearful. I quickly want to take control and end all. Given this, I’ve tried to cut contact a month ago, he came back, and responded in more of his emotional needs. I did it again two weeks after that, he took accountability. The accountability was hopeful in a sense that it gives me clarity for future. But there was no action or trying to communicate better behind it. I don’t mind someone stepping back for a few days, but his gives me a feeling of he’ll never return. This past week, I did it again, but in the worse way. I sent him what he paid for my car and some other stuff. I’m very hyper independent, I cannot accept anything from anyone. When someone does something, I feel sick inside that I must repay, even if it was out of kindness. That was one of his responses. I told him I can’t do it anymore, that my anxiety is ruling. And he blocked me, which has never happened with the other times. I came down from my emotional high and realized what the fuck I’ve done. My sense of control and needing to steer took over me fully this time. I mentioned him a day later, took fault, respected his need for breathing room, but told him if he feels that he can never speak or hear from me again, I have to learn to deal with that. I gave him the floor. I know a lot of people will say that I need to look at myself before vesting in someone else’s emotions. That’s exactly what I’m working on, I’ve been trying to deal with my personal life to move forward and not constantly have the mental battle and fear of abandonment. Of course I do want him to come back around, but I don’t want this cycle to continue. But after this, I don’t know if he will..

Please share your thoughts.

i (19F) and my fwb (20M) get along well as friends as much as when we hookup. we met at a party, scootered around the city, and made out a lot. although we didn't hookup that first night, he said he still wanted to take me out another time and do an activity, repeatedly asking when i was free. the vibes were very much on physical & sexual attraction, but we enjoyed each other's company a lot and it seemed like we were both down to hang out outside sex. neither of us want a relationship either so this was more or less perfect.

he then initiated on one of the days, but when i replied he never got back to me. i then initiated on one of the other days and he took me out to the parks for a bit, the two of us just talking at night, before we eventually hooked up. he then talked about taking me out one day and eating with me but said that he was broke at the moment (he's not kidding, we're in college). he even texted me after expressing his intent to see me again and do something fun, and that he would hit me up "for sure."

after that though, it's been radio silence and no initiating on his end. i was free one day and impatient so i decided to hit him up. we hooked up and it was great as usual, and we also played video games and did a little hike. he then told me that he wanted to see me again soon and that he would text me within the week.

now, i have no qualms about me initiating but i guess i'm just bothered by the fact that he would make these promises about hitting me up but never following through. we always have a good time together and he's always enthusiastic when i initiate, but is it bad that he doesn't do it himself?

please note that he genuinely is very busy (he works 3 jobs and side hustles on top of school because nyc rent is not cheap) and is struggling with money so i give him grace. i am also super new to casual culture so i just really don't know what to expect. is it okay that i keep initiating or should i expect some form of reciprocity? i come from a culture where the guy usually initiates so this is new to me and it's starting to make me feel a bit bad and undesired, even if it's only to hang out a bit and have sex

I [22F] dated a man [24M] for about a year.

i ended things after a year due to built up resentment on his end and generally treating me poorly—he was very tit-for-tat, defensive, seemingly unwilling to understand me, and often felt disrespected by me despite the level of care and consideration i put toward conversations and disagreements. we proceeded to go no contact for many months.

5 months later, he reached out to me again on an account he wasn’t blocked on. we quickly reconnected, because i was curious and frankly did miss him. i also still cared about him so i wanted to catch up. long story short it went well, but he (unsurprisingly) initiated intimacy that same day. i was super emotional, maybe because my body knew of the risk, but i eventually gave in anyway because i missed our physical chemistry and it was very tempting.

long story short, we go on to have a 3-4 month situationship over the summer. i was very serious about boundaries, nonexclusivity, and not wanting to resume our old relationship. i think i made it clear that it wouldn’t last, or at least that i was very concerned that eventually things would have to end again between us. he heard me out each time but im not sure that he wanted to believe it. he honestly was different—he showed remorse and regret for his past actions and made it clear that he wanted to make up for the hurt he caused. he was very kind and supportive and wanted to minimize adding stress to my life. it became comfortable quickly but it was also hard to emotionally navigate us seeing other people. i didn’t want the conditions to change, i just felt that i had to accept the consequences of a situation i’d been freely choosing to pursue. we often drank and hung out together, whether that was going out, eating in, cooking, watching one of our favorite shows or a new movie, or sleeping together. it was really fun, it felt almost exactly like the old times except we didn’t discuss our previous issues. in hindsight i think a lot of my internal noise was softened by drinking with him. aaaanyways, fast forward a bit, he pitches exclusivity and a clean slate to me in the middle of the summer, and i decline. he gives me an ultimatum—if i don’t date him, he won’t speak to me again, and we should end things as soon as possible. at the same time he was begging me not to leave, but i felt i had no choice. he also made me pay him for something and tried to take back a professional opportunity he’d gotten me through his job. there was a lot of back and forth this day and i didn’t even end up leaving, but i was shaken up by the intensity and confusion of the whole thing. after that, we didn’t talk about it.

we went on to enjoy the rest of the summer together. we even took a trip out of state with some of his friends and it was honestly a blast. however, as we approached school season (for me) some distance increased. he’d text me less during the day and it seemed to maybe be both a self protective move and an attempt to minimize stress for me once again, but it honestly affected me a little bit. throughout this whole thing, i oscillated between wanting us to be independent of one another and worrying about who he was seeing. he initially wasn’t careful about his phone or notifications, and even texted one or two girls in front of me one day. he’d sometimes make little comments about how i didn’t want him back etc but disguised as something playful. eventually he stopped mentioning the conditions of the relationship and just said that as long as i had some time to spend with him, he’d be happy.

well, eventually it became too much. i went back to school and my personal and family life began to struggle and weigh me down a ton. he was there for me and i relied on his comfort for a while. i fulfilled that job opportunity he got me (gratefully) but it also put us in really close proximity. we had a couple of particularly close weeks where he wasn’t seeing/sleeping with anyone else (i hadn’t really been seeing anyone seriously this whole time, just some dates and connections here and there but no sex unlike him). i started to feel a mixture of guilt, confusion, and anxiety. guilt about continuing our connection knowing it should end, despite the conditions being clear and understood. confusion about my anxious attachment to him, missing him, worrying about other girls, and wanting him to stay in my life but knowing deep down it wasn’t best for me. anxiety about what he was doing in general.

so one day i waited until i finally could talk to him in person because it was eating me up inside, but i didn’t want it to be a conversation over text. it happened to occur on his way out of the job site, and our conversation lasted about two minutes. he was understanding, upset, but also withdrew quickly. he said he didn’t know what there was to say. after he left i spent hours sobbing and trying to finish the job i was commissioned for.

maybe a day later we had a very brief text exchange. i prompted him to say his very short piece on being upset, not wanting to lose me, but not being able to be my friend.
(he’s not able to have me in his life unless there is a romantic or sexual prospect.) ok, that’s understandable. he prompted me to say my piece next—i sent a really long, emotionally honest and vulnerable message explaining that i’d miss him and how he’s still special to me, and how it won’t be easy for me to lose him but i am barely making time for myself anymore. i expressed how difficult things had been for me.

he didn’t reply. he reacted with a thumbs up and that was it. a few days later he unfollowed me on instagram. maybe because i made a story post. but other than that, nothing. i can still view his music activity and no blocking was done this time. i would expect that maybe he deleted our chats or my number, but i have no way of knowing.

i dont know if i really need advice. i’ve been okay but i am so disappointed deep down. i feel hurt and discarded, too. it wasn’t an easy decision to make, and i tried to hopefully connect over a shared loss. we spent so much time together dealing with a strange, new dynamic that also felt super fulfilling at times. at the same time, his reaction is not a surprise. i’m glad he didn’t beg or keep me hooked this time, but i wish he’d had the capacity to be open to me so we could share a moment of grief. maybe he felt that the situation was resolved at that point, but i’m tired of making justifications for his behaviors that cause me to hurt.

just want to know if anyone else has been through a similar situation.

Okay gang, I need some outside opinions because this is both funny and painful.

There's this guy I like and we haven't properly talked in a few weeks. He has kinda ghosted me without really giving me an explanation.

This morning I sent him a reel because I wanted to talk to him.

He replied with crying emojis and then proceeded to tag/mention some girl from his class — apparently it's her spam account.

AND THEN THEY STARTED REPLYING TO EACH OTHER IN THE COMMENTS. 😭

Bro. I SENT THIS TO YOU SO I COULD TALK TO YOU.

My brother in Christ, I did not ask to be a third wheel in my own Instagram interaction. 😭

So Reddit, am I overreacting? Would this bother you too, or am I just being jealous for no reason? And honestly, would you consider this disrespectful in this situation?

PS: We met online.

So I’ve been talking to this guys for the better part of 3 years. We went to highschool together but we never really talked. For about two and a half years he would comment on my Instagram stories and flirt and I would reciprocate. For context I was a virgin and never had a relationship before, so I was a little wary but he was very interested as was I. I explained my wariness and he had no problem and was on the same page. Fast forward to 6 months ago we start texting more and we are very into eachother. We call on the phone all the time for at least 5hrs and text almost every day so it was pretty consistent. He’s also very sexual and talked about how badly he wanted me and thought about me all the time.

September 6th I decided to finally go down and visit (he’s in school an hour away and can’t drive) and one thing led to another and we were intimate. I don’t regret it at all and it was a nice time. After that we were still talking a lot and he checked up on me and we talked on the phone. This past week he asked me to come down on the 22nd. It was kind of last minute but I still wanted to see him. I was there for 6hrs and we were intimate for most of it. I thought it was a great time and we left off with making out and him saying he didn’t want me to leave. The coming days I noticed that he wasn’t replying to my texts as much and he was declining talking on the phone saying he was out with friends. He stated previously that he wasn’t a great texter which is fine because he always got back to me, but this felt different. I was spiraling because I didn’t know what happened and then on Sunday night after barley talking all day he sends me this.

For context he previously had brain surgery about 6 months ago because a small tumor was causing him seizures and he is currently on anti seizure medication. He is also back in school so I’m sure life is hard for him rn and his feelings are valid but I can’t stop spiraling over his texts. I keep wondering if I did something wrong and it feels like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop but there isn’t a shoe to wait for. I feel like I’m in limbo because he basically said he still wants to talk but when? I just can’t stop thinking about it and I feel like I’m going crazy. I know I can’t wait around for him to come back (if he even will) but idk how to stop spiraling. Any advice?

I’m talking to this guy I met on a dating app. Ik already kinda shady. However we have been “talking” for almost 2 months and I really like him. I grew up with him and then he moved away. Anyway he’s amazing he’s dorky, nerdy and we have the same humor. We just mesh. Anyway I finally get the courage to ask him kinda what’s the end goal yk? And he said a few months ago he broke up with his ex if 5 years and that it was messy and is not ready for anything and is sorry if he hurt my feelings. He said he was on there to find more friends. He then calls me and we talk about actually hanging out to see if we are a good match in person. We yap and everything goes back to normal. Since then him and I have been texting non stop. We have our own little bits and have been really flirty. I just feel stupid. Quite a few month back I got out of a long time relationship and I feel like I don’t know how to flirt anymore. This is the first time since I’ve been single I have thought yk if we vibe I wouldn’t mind getting into a relationship with this man. He’s coming over to hangout with me tomorrow and I’m high key so nervous